Not a man

Although I am a male and appear very masculine I am certainly not much of a man. I have always been shy, timid, and passive compared to my friends (when I had some). I have never felt comfortable being in charge, I'm much more of a follower and comfortable being told what to do. I have never been in a fight and I've always avoided confrontation. I'm afraid of so many things, even things I have no reason to be afraid of and I know I am over cautious too but cannot seem to change.

I really admire a mature mans masculinity, probably because I lack it. I think about how hairy he may be, what he smells like and what he might look like naked. Not the men that look like models but real men with body hair, maybe a belly, a dad or grandpa type. I sometimes wonder whether he would let me lick his ass or suck his cock if I had the courage to ask, of if he would want beat me up instead.

When I look at women or girls its often related to what they're wearing. Of course I often wish I could wear what she was wearing but I love how girls clothes may show off her breasts, her butt, or she can show more of her beautiful soft skin. They get to wear bright colorful things, fun clothes and shoes and nobody makes fun of them for it. I especially love the way a woman can look very innocent or very slutty by what she wears.