Inside the Mind of a Cocksucking Sissy

It has been a roller coaster of emotions the last couple of weeks. I am writing this as I think about a meet-up that is scheduled for tomorrow morning. This will be the second time that I get to suck this guy’s cock and my dick is hard just thinking about it. How did I get here? What happened the last couple of weeks? What are the emotions I’m feeling? Please read on to find out.

I posted a story a couple of weeks ago about a meet-up I had with a BBC. It was a nice encounter. The dude had a fantastic cock that was one of the biggest I have had the pleasure of servicing. Given his location, I would’ve loved for him to become a regular feeder for me and I sent him a note afterwards telling him as much. Unfortunately, I never heard back from him and my horniness continued unabated. I continue to be active on Sniffies but still have not been able to turn any of the interactions into an actual meet-up. I also continue to monitor Doublelist. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending upon your point of view) I just can’t stop thinking about cock. The thought of wanting to suck a cock is almost as appealing as actually sucking a cock. Does that make sense? Having the mindset of a sissy cocksucker is incredibly arousing. I love watching porn of guys and gals sucking on cock and instead of it being an arousal to help me get off, instead, I find myself gaining an emotional connection with the performers which further solidifies my feelings of being a cocksucker.

For the longest time, the fantasy of being a sissy was the driving force of arousal. I would watch sissy porn, I had dildos that I would suck on, and I had sissy clothes that I would wear. All of this would create an illusion that was powerfully erotic and would result in some incredible orgasms from masturbation. But what happens when it is no longer an illusion? No longer a fantasy? I am really a cocksucker. I have now done it many times, almost too many to count. I have discarded my dildos as sucking on a piece of rubber/plastic no longer gives me the same thrill. Instead, now when I watch porn, I think of my own experiences, how I am just like the person(s) I am watching. For those of you who have not taken that next step yet, I have to tell you that is even more of a turn-on. I love compilation vids with many dicks in them. Watching will invariably lead me to start thinking about some of my experiences. How about that time I sucked a bbc in a bathroom stall? Or, how about the time, I got dressed all femme and got fucked raw? Or, how about the time I had a guy force my head down on his cock while he sat on the couch in my hotel room in Miami? These memories drive my arousal and also drive me to want to suck more dick.

I would presume that I am not much different than most of you when it comes to watching porn. We all have our favorite performers, right? For me, the performers that really turn me on at any point in time will change depending upon my mood. I love all sorts of women. Tall, skinny women like Malena Morgan are really hot. Shorter, more voluptuous women, like Ava Addams or Kendra Lust are really attractive. Statuesque blondes like Kayden Kross always give me a boner. Redheads like Maitland Ward or Jia Lissa are also a turn-on. Right now, however, I have had a yen for Remy Lacroix. The petite little minx is very attractive to me and I love her personality. However, when I watch some of her vids, primarily the Mark’s Head Bobbers and Hand Jobbers videos, I wonder what is she thinking about? Is she really into the cock that she is so delicately stroking? Does she do porn just for the money? Is she crazy for dick like I am? How would she and I get along? Could we talk about what we like and don’t like when we are sucking dick? These are the things that are going through my mind as I watch her. Porn, for me, is no longer a vehicle for me to get my rocks off. Instead, it has become a normal part of my life as I try to relate my own experiences to what I am watching. Is this weird? Am I alone in thinking like this? Porn has become arousing for a whole different reason as I now can directly relate to what I watch with my own personal experiences. My life has now become what I aspired to through my fantasies. That is extremely arousing. I am not sure I am articulating my feelings clearly and I would love to get some feedback from you, the readers.

In any event, after my last encounter, I have been hungry for more dick. Not having any luck on Sniffies or Doublelist, I reactivated one of my own DL posts and I immediately got a few messages. Unfortunately, they were primarily from dudes that were just too far away from me, given the time I had available. I did get one response from a guy that was not too far from my house and I immediately jumped on it. After confirming that he was clean, I headed to his place. I was excited when I got there as he lived in a nice townhouse in a nice area. I was extremely excited until he opened the door. The man that greeted me was much older and much heavier than I expected. However, this did not really bother me, as I have always been pretty agnostic when it comes to physical appearance. I am really all about the cock and I remained optimistic as I entered his home. The guy was really nice, I have to say that. But the encounter was disappointing for a couple of reasons. First, his dick never got fully hard. Maybe that was my fault but I don’t think so as you will see below. Second, he had pretty bad body odor. Given the number of encounters I have had, this was the first time I was kind of repulsed by the scent of my partner. He just smelled of stale sweat. So, the combination of his age, weight, flaccid dick, and smell made the encounter less than stellar. Having said this, there were still some appealing things about this encounter.

First, the guy came three times. I don’t know how he did that, given his age, but I was able to get him to cum three times. That made me feel good. Second, the guy liked to talk dirty and that is always a turn-on for me. Finally, after sucking him off twice while he laid on his back on his bed, the third time, he had me roll over on my side, stuck his cock in my mouth and fucked my face until he came a third time. That was also kind of hot. I just wish his cock got fully hard. His cock was not very big, maybe five inches at best. But with his dick being only semi-erect, it made the encounter not very memorable. When I came home after that encounter I was a little depressed. First, my recent BBC never reached back out to me and now, I just had a less than ideal experience. But, as I thought about what happened on that Wednesday afternoon, I got turned on by thinking about what I had just done. I went to an older dude’s house, sucked him off three times, and didn’t get any sexual gratification for myself. Isn’t that what a sissy cocksucker is? Should it matter what I think of the guy? My purpose is to give an alpha pleasure. To swallow his spunk, if he lets me. I started to think of sexy Remy. How often has she had to perform in less than ideal circumstances? How often did she really have to “act” her way through a scene? Comparing myself to a pornstar improved my mood a bit. While I don’t get the financial payment that pornstars get, I was heartened by the fact that I am better able to relate to the performers that I have been watching for many years and that, in many respects, I have fulfilled my aspirations of becoming a sissy cocksucker.

Feeling a little better about myself, the next morning I reactivated my DL post again and waited to see if I would get any response. I had a limited window and posting in the morning is usually a challenge. Most guys aren’t in a position to be able to get their dick’s sucked early in the day. Whether it is work, school, or something else, trying to hook-up with someone before lunch is a crapshoot. Fortunately, for me, I got lucky. A dude in the city responded to my post and even sent a body pic. He said that he was in his mid-thirties, had a seven inch cock and would love to have a submissive sissy cocksucker service his tool. After exchanging a couple of notes, I was in my car, heading to his apartment in the city. It took about 30 minutes to get there. I found a parking spot and sent him a note that I was outside the door of his building. He came down shortly thereafter to let me in. First, I was struck by the fact that he was a good looking guy. He did look like he was in his 30’s, had black hair, was about 6’2” (close to my height) and was hwp. We went upstairs to his unit and went inside. It was a little awkward, at first. He explained that he just moved in and that he had to put down his older, ailing dog. Why did you just tell me that??? I tried to change the subject and asked if he was now settled and did he like the new neighborhood? He talked for a couple of moments and then asked me if I wanted some water or something else to drink. I politely declined. I was there for one thing and he saw the look on my face. “So, you like sucking cock, huh?”

“Absolutely!” I responded as we walked into his bedroom. I dropped down to my knees and started rubbing his hardening dick through his pants. He had already undid the button on his pants so I started pulling down the zipper. One of the most erotic moments for me during my encounters is this little bit before I start working on the guy’s dick. Feeling his dick inside his pants, rubbing his crotch, looking up at him as I am on my knees, these are all incredibly erotic moments that really turn me on. I couldn’t wait to start working on him. Jim (not his real name), laid down on his bed. I then pulled his pants off and crawled between his legs and started caressing his hardening dick. Having been watching POV vids of Remy Lacroix, I was struck by the similarity as I was between this guys legs, delicately working on his rapidly hardening tool. I just felt… content. That I was in the right place doing what I was meant to be doing. Not only content but also euphoric. It really gave me a natural high as I leaned in and kissed the head of his cock for the first time. I won’t recount the usual details of my cocksucking as it is similar to my previous encounters. I got to lick, suck, kiss, and nibble on his nice dick. I sucked on his balls and I even licked his ass. No, what I would rather recount was the dialog we had while I was sucking on his beautiful cock.

Jim loved to talk, and it was amazingly hot! He urged me to be his little cocksucker. He ordered me to lick and suck his balls. He asked if I liked rimming and pulled my head into his asscrack to lick his hole. Hmmmm, it was fantastic! He started asking me about my previous encounters. What was the biggest cock I sucked? Did I ever have a bbc? Did I love swallowing cum? Did I eat my own cum? How often did I suck dick? His questions never seemed to end and he really appeared to like my answers. Then he said something that I have been longing for, “Would you like to suck my dick on a regular basis?” “God, yes!” I responded. I would love to have a regular feeder. An alpha that would dominate me without being cruel or using humiliation. Jim started talking about his experiences. He said that he was openly bi and that his favorite encounters were with married couples. He said that he was in the medical sales industry and that he got the opportunity to meet a lot of kinky doctors that liked having threesomes and orgies. His stories were great. I don’t know if they were true or not but they really added to the ambience of the encounter. I was so turned on.

Again, I really felt like one of the performers in a POV vid as I worked on his dick, got him close to orgasm only to be told to stop, suck on his balls or lick his ass so that he wouldn’t come just yet. In the end, the encounter only lasted a little more than 10 minutes when Jim couldn’t hold out any longer. With one hand he grabbed his dick and with the other, he grabbed the back of my head and held it with the head of his cock in my mouth. He stroked himself a few times, tensed up and flooded my mouth with his cum. It was delicious. I continued to suckle him to make sure I got every drop. The post orgasm suckling and nibbling is also incredibly arousing for me. After a couple of moments, he got restless so I stopped and started to get ready to leave. Jim put his pants on, thanked me for my efforts and reiterated that we should get together again. I told him that I would send him a note and that I would love to help him out any time.

After the poor encounter the day before, I was floating on cloud nine on my drive home after this one. It was an ideal encounter. It wasn’t that his dick was super large, or that his cum load was colossal. It was just a really nice experience. Jim was clean, smelled good, had a decent cock, and loved to talk dirty. I couldn’t ask for anything else. After I got home, I sent him a note and thanked him for a wonderful experience and reiterated that I would love to take care of him regularly. I did not hear back from him that day, or the next. My mood darkened as I thought that I lost another opportunity to have an ongoing thing. Did I do something wrong? Was I not raunchy enough? Was my technique lacking? I was beating myself up for any perceived slights over the next couple of days when, on Sunday, I got a response from him. “Absolutely! I would love to have you come over again. When are you available?” My heart actually started fluttering. Is that odd? I was so excited. We traded some messages about our upcoming work schedules and tentatively set-up a follow-up on Tuesday.

So, here I am, on Monday night, writing this as I think about meeting up with Jim tomorrow. My cock is semi-hard as I think about getting back down on my knees and worshipping his dick. Will he let me lick his ass again? Will he want to kiss me? Will I be allowed to get him off more than once? I feel like a teenager getting ready for my first time. As I try to reconcile these feelings, I take heart in realizing that, yes, I am really a true submissive, sissy cocksucker. Far from feeling embarrassed or humiliated by these thoughts, they bring a calmness and a serenity as I ponder our next meeting. Stay tuned and thanks for allowing me to share my stories.