Coming to terms with my reality of a master

over the past few years i been in hotel while out of town working and using amazon to accumulate assorted bondage gear gags,,collars,,etc. multiple chastity devices that have decreased in size to the smallest now. all in an effort to fit well in panties as i have been crossdressing as well and dont feel i should be able to have a mans erection dressed as a woman.started with chastity hypno leading to limp clit training. and here i am today in the smallest chastity wearing corsets and 6 inch heels. and short dresses. finally found someone that was fine with just a crossdresser and would be glad to have the opportunity to enjoy granting my wish of being restrained and being taken by a man.. he then informed me that the one he is looking for needs to be willing to complete the transformation to a woman. not really realizing what a true queen of spades was as i asked to be sealed in my chastity and marked with a queen of spades temp tattoo. looked up queen of spades sissy. so i came to understand the reality of the symbol by wearing it i am identifiying as a woman for black men only and by being owned by one but understanding must serve all. so here i am possibly the night before point of no return. getting ready to return back to where he is. have all white lingerie and heels bride costume on the way for the occassion and have cage to be kept in hopefully our schedules work out so i can take the first step in finishing life accepting my feminine side and learning my new role in life.