Dressing At Home

Being married and dressing since 10 in my moms bras, panties, girdles, hose and heels I've not been able to stop this as though it may be a fetish it's also very sexual with me. I get erect or sometimes just excited when I put on any kind of fem garment and over the years I've tried to stop as to whether it's sick or just the way I'm wired. I'm now going with the way I'm wired as I do sometimes feel guilty but that's only because I've kept this from my loving wife. I write this with her in the other room having become ill and I'm wearing her bra and pantie as it's what I like and I'm comfortable in them but would so love to have some makeup on with a short skirt and top to move around the house. Not going to happen as she's made it clear she's not a fan of crossdressers and also would conclude that I'd love to dress for men and she'd be so right. I've done that a few times when she's been away on trips and loved every minute of it including his taking me to bed as a woman. With a cock of course as I would never do the full transition. About this I do feel guilty and want my cake and eat it to as I do love her though there has not been a sex life between us in years. I often wonder if I knew now about my fem self back then would I have married. Not sure though I do love her and the grown k**s as that does complete ones life. I do control my urge to dress and my cloths are less than I had before but I still long to dress and be with a nice man for cocktails or bed or both. In my curiosity I've done some research as I'm know I'm not alone and there are others that do dress and wives somewhat accept it but not fully. Those wives should know that once he dresses he will never look back so accept it or move on which is why my wife doesn't know. I would so love to at this moment take my shorts off and shirt and walk in on her and say this also who I am but not sure I'd walk out of the room alive. I know many look at my pictures and videos and they want to either date me or bed me and I love that they do so though I will always have to hide, there are a few that feel lucky to be with me as I am to be with them.