My awakening. True story.

I first started having these feelings when I was twelve and living at home with my mother and stepfather. This was during the 70s and my stepfather was trying so desperately to be hip, he bought a subscription to Playboy magazine. He would leave them in their bedroom but of course I would thumb through them when I had a chance. My mother being the new independant woman of the 70s decided to get a subscription to Playgirl just out of spite and she kept them in the bedroom as well. The afternoons they were out, I would be curiously going through the pages of Playboy and awakening my sexuality. One day I decided to glance through one of the Playgirls. As I went through the pictures I could feel my heart speed up. This was the first time I had ever seen an adult man nude. I found it really naughty and so I started going for the Playgirl magazines instead of the Playboys. I distinctly remember obsessing on one model and I just will never forget him. HIs name was Bill Macanaly and I just kept returning to that picture. He was sitting outside on a patio chair holding a glass or orange juice. He was wearing a white terrycloth bathrobe that was completely open exposing his hairy chest and penis. He had naturally blonde curly hair and was hairy all over. That picture was like a magnet to me. In fact, months later my worst nightmare happened when my mother came home early and caught me masturbating in her bedroom. As if it wasn’t totally embarrassing enough, she assumed I was looking at my stepfather’s Playboy. When I ran out of the room humiliated, she went to go straighten up and saw what I was masturbating to. It was turned right to the page with Bill of course. I was panicking in my room when she came in to have “the talk” with me. She said I was just curious about sex and not to worry, I was just confused. She said but if I am having those kind of feelings, I need to find a boy my age, not a man 30 years older than me, it was not healthy. It was too late though. After so much time with those Playgirls, I really wanted to make love with an older man. I wanted an older strong man to control me and take care of me. I didn’t want to be outed at school or to my friends so I knew my experience had to be hidden and anonymous. I bought an adult newspaper from a rack and read about a bathhouse in Van Nuys called Roman Holiday Spa for men. The reviews said that it was rare to see any young people there, mostly men between 40-60 and married men. It sounded perfect for what I was looking for. I decided to actually go there on my 18 birthday and check it out. What a monumental way to spend my 18th birthday. This was to be my first gay experience and ended up very traumatic for me. I felt so ashamed afterward that I didn’t share the company of a man for a couple of years after that. So this is how my visit to the bathhouse went.

As you enter, you pay an attendant at the front window, at the time it was $20 for the evening. You surrender your wallet, your keys and any valuables at the time. You are handed a key with a room number on it and a very small towel. So, I walked through the door and started to walk down the hallway looking for my room. There were older men hanging out, just milling around. Most had towels wrapped around them and some didn’t, but I could feel all of them looking at me as I walked by. I’m sure they all wanted to see which room I went into and I was starting to feel a little over my head. I went into the tiny room and locked the door behind me. The room consisted of a cot, a tiny table and a lamp. I didn’t know what to do and was feeling overwhelmed, so I just got undressed, put the towel around me and laid down on the bed to calm down. I could see the doorknob keep trying to get turned, but it was locked. I wondered who was trying to get in. This happened a few times and then it stopped. After about 15 minutes, I quietly unlocked the door but kept it closed. I laid back down on the bed and took a deep breath. It took less than 30 seconds for the knob to turn. An middle aged obese Mexican man came in. Not what I was hoping for and I had no idea how to get out of it. I was not attracted to him at all. He dropped his towel and exposed himself to me. I froze as he came over to me. He literally laid on my face and stuffed his penis into my mouth. He grinded away and face fucked me until he finished all over my mouth. He handed me my towel and I started to clean up my face as he just turned and walked out. Before I could even move, another man came in. This one was a lot more my type physically. He was big, with a full beard and mustache and had a mountain man look to him. I found him super attractive and it was a much better experience servicing his big uncircumsized cock. I was so in awe of him I could hardly feel my legs and I let him ejaculate in my mouth. After he finished I told him I think I was ready to go home. He started laughing and said that there was a line outside of my room! He said there were at least 5 or 6 more men waiting out there. I panicked. He told me to calm down and just get dressed when I am ready… but he was sending the next guy in. And in comes the next, another that I am totally not attracted to. He was probably in his mid-fifties and looked like one of those old gangsters, big nose, overweight. This is when I found out what an alpha male is, he had no interest in what I wanted or didn’t want. He put his hands on my throat, intimidated me and took control. He turned me over onto my stomach. I knew what was coming but I was horrified that it was happening like this… and with him. It was very painful and I think that’s what turned him on the most. He stuffed my underwear into my mouth took my virginity. He was very pleased with himself. He told me to think of him later when his cum is dripping out of me. I dressed as fast as I could and I left that spa never to return.