Cock crazy in a pandemic

I have got to a point where it's all I think about. Me and my girlfriend live together and the sex is great. This wouldn't be an issue if I wasn't stuck trying to do the responsible thing. More than ever I want a hard cock in my mouth, in my ass, oh Hell, both! Only within the past few years have I got involved into the kink community and discovered that I'm polyamorous. My girlfriend now is my first girlfriend ever. She was going through a divorce and having serious health issues. I have always loved her and we reconnected. I wanted to push my limits. I wanted to see if I could fall in love with a male or transgendered or was it strictly physical? She doesn't understand polyamory and she wouldn't understand if I wanted to pursue this. My desires have overwhelmed me and I don't want to pursue this even on the DL for fear of her being hurt. When I stroke and ride my dildo, I get so fucking turned on. Just imagining a cock fucking me, my cock erect and riding that dick. Riding it so much that it erupts in my ass and I cum from being fucked.