Me again

Hello again, tonight I want to share my story. You all see a fun playing person but actually I was far more playful before I was 24 yrs old. I am 51 now but back then I was on a isolated posting, I was 24 yrs old and this boss of mine was 10 yrs older than me. He acted like he wanted to be my friend so I thought he was safe cause he hung around a few other men that I went to boot camp with. Well this person invited me to his room, which was like quarters. I went, and he said I never wanted to be your friend, you look just like my ex wife and I am going to **** you before you leave here and there is nothing you can do to stop it, then shivers went down my spine as he smiled at me as I was going for the door, he said I am just joking Julie. Well he waited until I wasn't thinking about that anymore like weeks later, then one night it was a Thursday, everyone met at the little bar and there was always a dance for the people who were going home you know, I had a few drinks but not enough to warrant how I felt that night. I was afraid to go home that morning for some reason and I never saw him that night but on my way home I thought if I wait till everyone goes home, then all I have to do is make it to my room and I will be safe. Well all I remember that night was I had a hard time walking home to my room and it was a long hall walk, like 5 mins away from the bar. I staggered more than I should of and my mind told me to make it to my room and I would be safe. well it turns out I would of been safe anywhere else but there. As soon as I got to my room and shut the door, my vision began to fade and I remember the thought of pushing my dresser to the door cause we were not given locks for our doors then. But I was getting weak, so I remember falling on my bed clothed. Then I couldn't move my body at all, I was a ragdoll. next thing I hear is his voice knocking at my door, he was waiting for me to arrive from the party and he was sober. he asked if I was ok and if he could come in, I couldn't talk at this point, so he walked in, closed the door and said he would take my clothes off and put my pjs on and tuck me in. then he undressed himself and tucked himself in beside me and I blacked out till morning, I believe he ****d me cause he told me when I asked him the next morning if he had sex with me and he said yes and I was great and that I loved it and that he would tell the whole base i was great in bed and that I was a slut and easy. he also told me if I told anyone what happened there in my room, he would make me disappear and he said no one would ever find me. So I told no one and had to work for him for the next few months cause I couldn't go home. 2 weeks later someone else tried to **** me as well, he wanted my body and I just wanted to be friends, he pinned me down and tried to undress me in our living room quarters, well his, but I pushed him off. I was not left alone for the rest of my time there.
You see what this man did to me was the worst, he got my trust, told me he wanted to be my friend then ****d me. Because I couldn't tell anyone or get any help for over 20 yrs cause we couldn't afford help, that is why I have Severe PTSD as bad as it gets. I had 20 per cent chance of making it. I was in and out of mental institutions and hospitals and ER's every week cause of my medication my Doctor put me on for over 4 yrs. I couldn't forgive myself cause of what he did to me cause I couldn't fight back, I was d**gged and I felt unclean and my innocence was taken from me. I stopped being friendly to everyone and isolated myself for over 20 yrs. This man took so much from me that I had to do whatever I needed to do to feel alive again and free from shame even though I know this was not my fault. I am proud to say I am still here, and I am learning to love my body again cause of all you say I am beautiful and sexy and everything I want and need to hear to heal from this trauma. I have a lifetime of trauma but I am trying to live life to its fullest now cause I can appreciate life so much more now after being so close to death so many times. I have seen and heard far to much pain and suffering in one lifetime for anyone to take. I am as strong as one can get and I never ever give up. Dr. Phil taught me that one. He said I matter, and that day saved my life, I opened my door after 4 yrs of sleeping 18 to 20 hrs a day and on that day I believed him, I said I do matter, so I showered, got dressed and opened the door outside and walked to the mall. That was the beginning of my journey to this day today. So here I am and if you want to despise me after hearing what happened to me, I will understand. But it was not me or my fault, I do not blame myself for going to my room anymore, that was my home at the time. I blamed the military for not putting a dam lock on my door. I have had 500 thousand dollars of therapy to be able to share this story with anyone, I feel no shame anymore. I am not stained, and I not a bad girl. I am innocent and kind hearted and I just wanted to be his friend. Thank you for listening to my story.

Julie Ann

Veteran of the Canadian Armed Forces

and very proud I served my Country

Thank you for being my friends

my ** always told me I am ok, and I am

She also told me I was the strongest person she had ever met in her life.

I was catatonic many times when I remembered things, but my ** always listened to me and never gave up on me.

because of Erika, I am here today.

So pls, if you trigger me or say something that scares me, I have to block you, I never want to feel fear here, so that is why I do that. You can talk dirty to me, just remember if you take a pic of yourself, smile, cause if I am unsure I have to unfriend you quickly.

thank you again,