A life course (no porn) (1 of 10)
1. The very beginning
Just try to answer the question since when are you a BDSM adept...usually I answer that I am as far as my memory goes.
Well, that memory... the more I think about it the more I think I was actually born that way, maybe even before birth... and that largely explains my character.
As a Libra I always weigh everything accurately, I owe that to my zodiac sign, but because of that I often give a contradictory impression.
Law-abiding but rebellious; law enforcement but revolutionary, authoritarian but democratic, master but slave... you can make the list as long as you want. Had Eastern philosophers not formulated the principle of Ying and Yang centuries ago, I would have done it more holistically. No action without reaction, in the end the pointer of the balance must be in the middle, one is born as a Libra for something.
My life immediately started with a double curse.
Because of the war the family on the father's side had fallen to the petty-bourgeois environment, on the mother's side they were just workers... a marriage below the ranks. Marriage that still had a lot of feet in the ground before it could be concluded. After all, Mama was already several months pregnant... so the priest of the Holy Roman Catholic Church refused to close it. Now in 1948 it was simply unthinkable to start a family without God's blessing... Fortunately there was another pastor who understood the Bible, so my parents became Protestant...
So I was welcome in this world, but under certain conditions. The humiliations that my mother thus had to undergo were not passed on with the mother's milk, but even with the mother's blood.
When after about nine months I decided to take a look at the big outside world, I was not greeted with much applause either. My grandmother said I was a cute baby but lamented my gender “Say it's not true, another soldier!”. She apparently had prophetic gifts because I would indeed serve 30 years long to keep communism out of our country.
Now don't start thinking she blamed me for being a boy, it was a very sweet, but also strict, godmother to me. But so soon after the war, she and her sister were widows, the family ruined, my father war traumatized, my mother raised in Catholic monasteries because of the war (the c***dren were removed from the coastal region, the parents had to continue to work for the Germans). ..well, a boy was not exactly a symbol for the regained peace...
When I say that the family was ruined, don't think that there was bitter poverty. The sisters Irène and Louise * ** (whom I called maraine and mami) had lost the companies and their husbands, but they still lived in relative prosperity. They enjoyed prestige in the working-class district and lived together in a house that was large enough to accommodate my parents. So I was raised by three women and a man who was rarely home . Hence perhaps the feminine undertone in my personality, even the secret desire to be a woman...
Now one changes gender like one changes hair color, then it was just unthinkable... and now it's too late, an old lesbian is bad in the market, and I just like women...
So from the beginning I was raised as a boy, but I only had three women around me all the time... cooking, scrubbing,... doing the housework were the examples I reflected on... after all, we no longer had staff by that damned war. So I grew up in a matriarchal family with my maraine as Mater Familias... my godfather and uncles all lived in Ostend, I only saw them once or twice a year, because traveling from Ghent to Ostend was almost a world trip at the time.. ... and was it to keep me away from there or not, I don't know, but every summer Maraine rented an apartment in Blankenberge, also by the sea, but about 20 km more to the north.
That duality that is characteristic of my personality was therefore really taught from an early age... faith versus church, authority versus free spirit, male versus female upbringing... for every pole there was always an opposite pole... of course also in the sexual field... so it is only logical that I became a switch in BDSM, dominance versus submission, getting hurt versus giving pain, humiliating versus being humiliated...
Just try to answer the question since when are you a BDSM adept...usually I answer that I am as far as my memory goes.
Well, that memory... the more I think about it the more I think I was actually born that way, maybe even before birth... and that largely explains my character.
As a Libra I always weigh everything accurately, I owe that to my zodiac sign, but because of that I often give a contradictory impression.
Law-abiding but rebellious; law enforcement but revolutionary, authoritarian but democratic, master but slave... you can make the list as long as you want. Had Eastern philosophers not formulated the principle of Ying and Yang centuries ago, I would have done it more holistically. No action without reaction, in the end the pointer of the balance must be in the middle, one is born as a Libra for something.
My life immediately started with a double curse.
Because of the war the family on the father's side had fallen to the petty-bourgeois environment, on the mother's side they were just workers... a marriage below the ranks. Marriage that still had a lot of feet in the ground before it could be concluded. After all, Mama was already several months pregnant... so the priest of the Holy Roman Catholic Church refused to close it. Now in 1948 it was simply unthinkable to start a family without God's blessing... Fortunately there was another pastor who understood the Bible, so my parents became Protestant...
So I was welcome in this world, but under certain conditions. The humiliations that my mother thus had to undergo were not passed on with the mother's milk, but even with the mother's blood.
When after about nine months I decided to take a look at the big outside world, I was not greeted with much applause either. My grandmother said I was a cute baby but lamented my gender “Say it's not true, another soldier!”. She apparently had prophetic gifts because I would indeed serve 30 years long to keep communism out of our country.
Now don't start thinking she blamed me for being a boy, it was a very sweet, but also strict, godmother to me. But so soon after the war, she and her sister were widows, the family ruined, my father war traumatized, my mother raised in Catholic monasteries because of the war (the c***dren were removed from the coastal region, the parents had to continue to work for the Germans). ..well, a boy was not exactly a symbol for the regained peace...
When I say that the family was ruined, don't think that there was bitter poverty. The sisters Irène and Louise * ** (whom I called maraine and mami) had lost the companies and their husbands, but they still lived in relative prosperity. They enjoyed prestige in the working-class district and lived together in a house that was large enough to accommodate my parents. So I was raised by three women and a man who was rarely home . Hence perhaps the feminine undertone in my personality, even the secret desire to be a woman...
Now one changes gender like one changes hair color, then it was just unthinkable... and now it's too late, an old lesbian is bad in the market, and I just like women...
So from the beginning I was raised as a boy, but I only had three women around me all the time... cooking, scrubbing,... doing the housework were the examples I reflected on... after all, we no longer had staff by that damned war. So I grew up in a matriarchal family with my maraine as Mater Familias... my godfather and uncles all lived in Ostend, I only saw them once or twice a year, because traveling from Ghent to Ostend was almost a world trip at the time.. ... and was it to keep me away from there or not, I don't know, but every summer Maraine rented an apartment in Blankenberge, also by the sea, but about 20 km more to the north.
That duality that is characteristic of my personality was therefore really taught from an early age... faith versus church, authority versus free spirit, male versus female upbringing... for every pole there was always an opposite pole... of course also in the sexual field... so it is only logical that I became a switch in BDSM, dominance versus submission, getting hurt versus giving pain, humiliating versus being humiliated...
4年前
