Religious upbringing and the taboo/forbidden

i have to admit that one of THE biggest draws/lures of wanting /craving sissy sex and being made up /made over transgender is my own personal upbringing ..being raised to absolutely believe that ANYTHING to do with crossdressing , gay sex , kink , fetish etc is absolutely preverse , taboo , forbidden etc ....it has over a life time created in me a absolute lust to give in , to seek out , to embrace ,,..and from the religious perspective ..defile myself ....YES!!! this is what i want ...the thrill that goes through my mind of enjoying everything i was raised and taught NEVER to .do (or even think about it)..well it seems its had the opposite effect ...and though i have not YET taken that final plunge i can safely say ...that the last several yrs of constant visual and mental exposure via the internet and sites like this (and many others) has fed desires that have FIRMLY taken root ..i suppose eventually this will be taken advantage of by somebody . just wanted to share these latest thoughts in this personal ongoing sexual journey of mine ...maybe others on here have (or are) experiencing similar things