Give in to porn addiction . . . it's who you
What I've always been . . .
I've had such good fortune with porn over the years. I had the wonderful experience of early exposure to hardcore porn. But due to being a waterlogged magazine I could not take it with me. I stared and edged for around three hours and had my first accidental orgasm. After that, despite the ready access to that kind of hardcore porn for some years, there were some very fortuitous events throughout my life prior to porn being accessible. We grew up in a very remote area--as in, we milled our own flour, kind of remote. Porn was an unforgettable experience at that time. Entirely secret and cherished. It started and charted what has obviously become a pornosexual experience. I've had amazing sex with amazing people, men and women, over nearly as many years as my porn addiction grew, and porn is what I have decidedly landed upon as my choice of sexual expression. Once I retire from this contractor-gig life, I will settle down somewhere far away, but with a lightning fast connection, and build an entire room, locked, hidden and invisible, where my entire life will become lived in. It'll have everything, including a bed, shower, toilet, and compact food storage/delivery systems all within a space where I never have to take my eyes and ears off of surround-sound based-pounding maximum volume porn binges, contained behind a soundproof barrier. A barrier similar to my gun-crazy, even-more-remote uncle who had an underground gun range that could conceal heavy-round fire without so much as a whiff of smoke let alone sound being detected. Somewhere I can let loose in absolute certainty that my privacy is guaranteed. A life-long porn addict's idea of a hidden CBRN survival pod. A place where I can leave all my various collections of fleshlights, estims, fuckdolls, fucktorsoes, and other assorted items out in the open. Friends could be over for a period of months and never have a reason to believe or even suspect that a huge porn-lair exists right underneath. I'd probably have multiple camera's with their assorted angles all on one monitor, streaming whenever I wanted to get off to being a pornosexual exhibitionist. I could stream entire porn collecting marathons where I edge, collect, sort, and binge on all kinds of porn for double-digit hours at a time. Total unfiltered access to a live-stream of everything I'm watching, collecting, and sorting, with cameras monitoring every angle so each experience can be seen reflected in the state of my cock. Do I stop and slowly read through a new gem from *****.org, edging first with my hand and proceeding to a fleshlight, spawning a whole new porn-search direction for an entire night's remainder? I'd probably spend a few hours just reading down that particular author's works. I read so much porn that I've site-ripped the entire *****.org and literotica.com domains over the years, for when I work so remote there's no internet connection at all. I've been following ***** ever since it was nothing more than an ASCII sharing group on NNTP servers. Back in those days there were similar "boards" as *****, but only ***** has survived the test of all that time. Of my forty two years, I've been an avid follower of ***** for twenty nine of them. Much of my search for visual porn stemmed from searches brought up by terms used within the stories therein. To say my education in porn was as extensive as it was highly arousing would be understating it. I was hooked on the kinkiest of porn from the first weeks of having internet access in 1993 or so. I have a curated archive of my favorite stories and authors, most of which I have tagged myself for easy searching. Started back in 93, it sits at over 6GB. It is composed of nothing but single-file html page-rips in small part (<5%), with the rest being nothing but categorized .txt files, with unnecessary header or intro details removed, including ASCII page-breaks like *** or ---. The reason I started parsing those elements out is because they can make most text-to-speech engines nearly unusable, which is often how I use them. I like to put a perverted, oobat story on and watch macromastia tits bounce as I listen. The majority of stories are formatted for easy copy-paste into a TTS of the day. That way my brain can be soaking in obscenity as my hands are free to do other things. All that to say, I have endless amounts of porn for the apocalypse, many many many more life-times worth than I will have to spend watching it. That's with no repeats. That's no joke. Collect. Sort. Edge.
When I look back at how hard I fought that tide of pornographic obsession borders on the comical from this angle. But from within, not knowing it's ultimate resolution, it was blissful agony. So many dark nights of the soul, pouring myself out to God for forgiveness. Stating and restating my dedication to my Deity. Tossing out porn in big trashbags, after trekking it out deep into the wildness where it could never be tied back to me, only to have that bag of trash become a remote porno-pit/fort. Literally built around five deep-forest porn hideouts to conceal the extent of the porn I had collected. No way it would have fit the the combo-locked wooden chest my father hand made for me, where I kept my latest and greatest. That was reserved for the porn of the day--the go-to stuff. All of this porn quickly amassing from entire swimsuit and lingerie sections of the Sears catalogs and with hardcore, to the point where hiding it involved multiple methods. The most elaborate of which involved hiding it on a portion of the roof that was all but unaccessed and invisible to all vantages except from my bedroom window, where I could step outside on the windowsill and retrieve the weatherproof stash. Keep in mind my locked chest was capable of carrying several pellet and BB guns, which were on top of further lock-worthy things like my collection of swords and knives, again on top of fireworks, on top of carefully placed trap-porn. Stuff that would stop the search, because, "Aha! This is what they were hiding," neglecting to dig deeper, wherein was concealed within objects every other scrap of porn. Everywhere it could fit and remain hidden even upon casual physical contact. The extent of all that porn, and my paranoia to hide it's extensive state, along with hiding the subject matter itself, was something I have maintained with absolute certainty. There is nobody IRL would ever believe or imagine that I have an actual historic porn collection. All of that and more, pressing and moulding me into a secretive, total porn addict from the very start. I graduated with a Masters of Divinity, the formal part of being a credible pastor, while unbeknownst to any other soul, my outward appearance was squeaky clean. Very introverted indeed, but not strange. I've always found it easy to make friends when I find the right kind of people. Nothing outward would lead anyone who knows me to consider that I've been addicted to porn for thirty four years. For the first twenty two years of my porn addiction I silently and entirely secretly warred with my addiction. A constant cycle of relapsing for a long time, giving it up for good this time, only to have it all back and then some. With every relapse my dive was even deeper, given the newly revived thrill of porn after its absence. Abstaining could never work, nor could could I go for more than a few days without masturbating with or without porn. Just the memories would trigger me and I'd edge under my bed covers when everyone else was asleep. When I finally realized the religion I had been born into was all false, and all of the guilt unnecessary, my fulfillment through porn has become ever greater and more fixed. I love being totally committed to porn.
If you are here reading this, it is bad sign. You aren't ever getting out, now that the addiction has led you to this. And addiction to the addiction itself is a mental **** few unravel, and far fewer still who are in this deep even want to quit. Like me, I love being a total addict. I can't get enough pornography. Edging for double-digit hours every night for weeks on end. Endless edging and porn. I am a pornosexual.
I've had such good fortune with porn over the years. I had the wonderful experience of early exposure to hardcore porn. But due to being a waterlogged magazine I could not take it with me. I stared and edged for around three hours and had my first accidental orgasm. After that, despite the ready access to that kind of hardcore porn for some years, there were some very fortuitous events throughout my life prior to porn being accessible. We grew up in a very remote area--as in, we milled our own flour, kind of remote. Porn was an unforgettable experience at that time. Entirely secret and cherished. It started and charted what has obviously become a pornosexual experience. I've had amazing sex with amazing people, men and women, over nearly as many years as my porn addiction grew, and porn is what I have decidedly landed upon as my choice of sexual expression. Once I retire from this contractor-gig life, I will settle down somewhere far away, but with a lightning fast connection, and build an entire room, locked, hidden and invisible, where my entire life will become lived in. It'll have everything, including a bed, shower, toilet, and compact food storage/delivery systems all within a space where I never have to take my eyes and ears off of surround-sound based-pounding maximum volume porn binges, contained behind a soundproof barrier. A barrier similar to my gun-crazy, even-more-remote uncle who had an underground gun range that could conceal heavy-round fire without so much as a whiff of smoke let alone sound being detected. Somewhere I can let loose in absolute certainty that my privacy is guaranteed. A life-long porn addict's idea of a hidden CBRN survival pod. A place where I can leave all my various collections of fleshlights, estims, fuckdolls, fucktorsoes, and other assorted items out in the open. Friends could be over for a period of months and never have a reason to believe or even suspect that a huge porn-lair exists right underneath. I'd probably have multiple camera's with their assorted angles all on one monitor, streaming whenever I wanted to get off to being a pornosexual exhibitionist. I could stream entire porn collecting marathons where I edge, collect, sort, and binge on all kinds of porn for double-digit hours at a time. Total unfiltered access to a live-stream of everything I'm watching, collecting, and sorting, with cameras monitoring every angle so each experience can be seen reflected in the state of my cock. Do I stop and slowly read through a new gem from *****.org, edging first with my hand and proceeding to a fleshlight, spawning a whole new porn-search direction for an entire night's remainder? I'd probably spend a few hours just reading down that particular author's works. I read so much porn that I've site-ripped the entire *****.org and literotica.com domains over the years, for when I work so remote there's no internet connection at all. I've been following ***** ever since it was nothing more than an ASCII sharing group on NNTP servers. Back in those days there were similar "boards" as *****, but only ***** has survived the test of all that time. Of my forty two years, I've been an avid follower of ***** for twenty nine of them. Much of my search for visual porn stemmed from searches brought up by terms used within the stories therein. To say my education in porn was as extensive as it was highly arousing would be understating it. I was hooked on the kinkiest of porn from the first weeks of having internet access in 1993 or so. I have a curated archive of my favorite stories and authors, most of which I have tagged myself for easy searching. Started back in 93, it sits at over 6GB. It is composed of nothing but single-file html page-rips in small part (<5%), with the rest being nothing but categorized .txt files, with unnecessary header or intro details removed, including ASCII page-breaks like *** or ---. The reason I started parsing those elements out is because they can make most text-to-speech engines nearly unusable, which is often how I use them. I like to put a perverted, oobat story on and watch macromastia tits bounce as I listen. The majority of stories are formatted for easy copy-paste into a TTS of the day. That way my brain can be soaking in obscenity as my hands are free to do other things. All that to say, I have endless amounts of porn for the apocalypse, many many many more life-times worth than I will have to spend watching it. That's with no repeats. That's no joke. Collect. Sort. Edge.
When I look back at how hard I fought that tide of pornographic obsession borders on the comical from this angle. But from within, not knowing it's ultimate resolution, it was blissful agony. So many dark nights of the soul, pouring myself out to God for forgiveness. Stating and restating my dedication to my Deity. Tossing out porn in big trashbags, after trekking it out deep into the wildness where it could never be tied back to me, only to have that bag of trash become a remote porno-pit/fort. Literally built around five deep-forest porn hideouts to conceal the extent of the porn I had collected. No way it would have fit the the combo-locked wooden chest my father hand made for me, where I kept my latest and greatest. That was reserved for the porn of the day--the go-to stuff. All of this porn quickly amassing from entire swimsuit and lingerie sections of the Sears catalogs and with hardcore, to the point where hiding it involved multiple methods. The most elaborate of which involved hiding it on a portion of the roof that was all but unaccessed and invisible to all vantages except from my bedroom window, where I could step outside on the windowsill and retrieve the weatherproof stash. Keep in mind my locked chest was capable of carrying several pellet and BB guns, which were on top of further lock-worthy things like my collection of swords and knives, again on top of fireworks, on top of carefully placed trap-porn. Stuff that would stop the search, because, "Aha! This is what they were hiding," neglecting to dig deeper, wherein was concealed within objects every other scrap of porn. Everywhere it could fit and remain hidden even upon casual physical contact. The extent of all that porn, and my paranoia to hide it's extensive state, along with hiding the subject matter itself, was something I have maintained with absolute certainty. There is nobody IRL would ever believe or imagine that I have an actual historic porn collection. All of that and more, pressing and moulding me into a secretive, total porn addict from the very start. I graduated with a Masters of Divinity, the formal part of being a credible pastor, while unbeknownst to any other soul, my outward appearance was squeaky clean. Very introverted indeed, but not strange. I've always found it easy to make friends when I find the right kind of people. Nothing outward would lead anyone who knows me to consider that I've been addicted to porn for thirty four years. For the first twenty two years of my porn addiction I silently and entirely secretly warred with my addiction. A constant cycle of relapsing for a long time, giving it up for good this time, only to have it all back and then some. With every relapse my dive was even deeper, given the newly revived thrill of porn after its absence. Abstaining could never work, nor could could I go for more than a few days without masturbating with or without porn. Just the memories would trigger me and I'd edge under my bed covers when everyone else was asleep. When I finally realized the religion I had been born into was all false, and all of the guilt unnecessary, my fulfillment through porn has become ever greater and more fixed. I love being totally committed to porn.
If you are here reading this, it is bad sign. You aren't ever getting out, now that the addiction has led you to this. And addiction to the addiction itself is a mental **** few unravel, and far fewer still who are in this deep even want to quit. Like me, I love being a total addict. I can't get enough pornography. Edging for double-digit hours every night for weeks on end. Endless edging and porn. I am a pornosexual.
4年前
