Dear Christian
Hello. Can we get real for a little while? Just you and me? Look at me. Look at this place. Look at where you are. How did you get here?
I know how hollowed out you feel. Drained. How long have you been at this charade? This double life?
What can explain the gap between what you profess to believe and your actions?
Isn't there supposed to be some process of sanctification and renewal? Should not the arc of that process be trending toward what is edifying?
Feels hopeless doesn't it? You make the very best good-faith effort to quit. Again. And again.
Welp. Back at it again, huh?
We clearly understand each other, I think. There is no pretense here, in this place. If there was ever a sacred ground for the truth, know that it is as bare and honest here as anything can be, as I can be. I am literally naked before you. I have no agenda. No hidden motive. Here, I'll tell you my motive: I want to free you. I want to help you close the gap between what you pretend to be and who you really are. Because I see both, and almost nobody in your life, if anyone at all, ever really has, have they?
You are a true believer.
But yet . . .
You are here.
Why?
As Paul wrote:
Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.
Is this just the flesh lusting after the things of the flesh, while your true spiritual self is quarantined? That's clearly not the case. There is only one experience of you that you can have, and that is the one you are having. There is no hypostatic union for you, for you are only creaturely. You are created. There was never a part of you that was totally holy--which is to be set apart--for you have only ever been everything you are now. Nothing has been added or taken away. You are only human. One human with one experience. So we can dispense with Paul's solution to our shared problem. And since you are a Christian, you already know how that closed loop of logic works in Paul's understanding of human nature, so I'll save us the future litany of verses and fall upon our shared knowledge to say this.
There is no war.
For a sure as you only have one nature, your very human nature. Outside of that, there are your thoughts about your nature. To conflate thoughts about your nature as warring with your nature is to commit a fallacy of categories; confusing a mere description of one's nature as a deceleration of war upon it, if such a thing were even possible, which it isn't.
Rather, you have a singular nature that you are incapable of deviating from, because you only have access to a singular experience of you. There is no alternate you. Just you. No Platonic you. Just you as you are in this visceral moment. No future you that is holy by virtue of attainment, for such is impossible as a created being. You are you. Simple as. There is no gap. The gap is an illusion.
You lust.
You lust in a way that dates back further than our human minds can recon with at a phenomenological level. The spans of time are too great to truly grasp for beings as finite as we. This is a lust that predates our species, and to which our species owes a debt. The lust is in each of us, as far back and farther than even we as humans. You are not unique. You lust like other a****ls lust.
Your lust is not a remnant of a nature you once had as a sinful creature.
No, you are every bit that creature still. No amount of theology or discipline can change one iota of that. Look at own actions if you need direct experiential evidence of this. You are evidence of this fact. We are. Humanity is.
For once, if only for a moment, think beyond your learned understanding of who you are and just observe you. You are kinetic. You are motion and action and thought and purpose. All of that and more.
Be honest.
Strip away the words and the hidden lives you've lived and realize that your actions speak louder. This is a part of who you are. You aren't bad because of it. In fact, in a very real sense, we owe our existence to it. You lust.
You lust.
And that's okay.
Congrats. You're like very single other human on earth, baring the rare cases, which I will fully acknowledge. But by no means should the marginal cases speak for everyone. Yes, a fraction of a percentage can claim they beat the addiction, somehow. But know that the vast majority of those who have claimed such a victory, in Christ no less, have relapses. Even the best of the best--the literal showcases for Purity Culture Warriors--relapse. Guaranteed. If they don't, by God they have been sorely tempted. Even if you beat the action, the desire cannot be quelled. Once an addict.
Always an addict.
This is true of all addictive behaviors. All. Of. Them.
Calling it the new d r u g is not a misnomer. The effect is aptly similar. And I should know, I have been chasing that particular dragon for most of my life, and I have kicked substance abuse issues in the past. The urge for a physical a d r u g is similar in aspect to craving for porn. Nearly identical.
This should not be surprising, since they both rely on the same reward pathways we have all have come to know. Dopamine, being the most common catch-all neurotransmitter used these days, so as a convention, I'm okay with it, even though it is technically imprecise. But so we are clear, dopamine, and lot else actually contributes to the human sensation of reward. Just like a substance can be used to manually control the and manipulate that reward path, the dopamine, so too can many other things. Porn being one.
Food, another. Lust for food too much and a food addict is soon faced with mobility and quality of life issues.
Consume too much porn and soon you'll be kinked out of this world. It won't be reality based, at least not usually. Porn is a form of fantasy. I get pleasure from reading fantasy with elves and spells, and I get pleasure from reading erotic fantasy. Same with pleasure from watching LOTR too, I also get from erotic visualization. This is a small variance in form, really. Think of a project you gained satisfaction with? The reward at seeing it done at the end? Felt good right? There is something similar going on with the porn addict. In some way, they are a lot like comic book collectors. Comic fans feel good about having the a complete and full understanding of a set of titles they like, or artists, or publishers. Same with fans of porn. One is just a mainstream theme of world-wide Cons, and so is the other one. We just don't talk about it like that. It is framed, in our Christian worlds, like it is the End of Times.
But we've strayed. I'll leave you with this.
I will be the most understanding mind you've ever encountered. I am not here to change you. I am not here to de-convert you. I just want you to see you, as you really are. By doing so, I believe, you will free yourself from sleepless nights. You won't endlessly beg for help from God anymore. You won't obsess about your worrying obsession as you take the Body and Blood. You won't need to weep when you consider the state of your life or your nature. The matter will be clear to you. What you do with that is up to you, after that fact. Be a kinky Christian, if that is how things play out for you. Trust me, there are many. Or be a closet atheist, like I was for years. You do you. Just do it honestly, at least to yourself.
So if you want someone who isn't going to judge you, and you need to unload. I'm here for you. I'm approachable and warm. I will not shame you. I will not out you.
I will keep your confidence.
Hell, if you want my best advice to kick the habit I will tell you how to do it. It is remarkably simple. Just don't give in. It is that easy.
Good luck.
While you're at it, I wish you the best of luck in defeating your desire to eat and drink and sleep and . . .
I'll be here for you either way.
Talk to me, my fellow-traveler. Unburden yourself. Very few people can understand you, and fewer still want to understand you. I want to know you. I want you to want me to know. To be unmasked and vulnerable and yet never safer.
Not just seen as a statistic in the (per-capita)disproportionate and growing cohort of Christian porn addicts. Rather, seen as you. Your experience of it. Through your eyes. Unvarnished with the kitschy trappings of your Christian world. All your deflections and prevarications and careful wording stripped. You. Real.
Understood.
<3
I know how hollowed out you feel. Drained. How long have you been at this charade? This double life?
What can explain the gap between what you profess to believe and your actions?
Isn't there supposed to be some process of sanctification and renewal? Should not the arc of that process be trending toward what is edifying?
Feels hopeless doesn't it? You make the very best good-faith effort to quit. Again. And again.
Welp. Back at it again, huh?
We clearly understand each other, I think. There is no pretense here, in this place. If there was ever a sacred ground for the truth, know that it is as bare and honest here as anything can be, as I can be. I am literally naked before you. I have no agenda. No hidden motive. Here, I'll tell you my motive: I want to free you. I want to help you close the gap between what you pretend to be and who you really are. Because I see both, and almost nobody in your life, if anyone at all, ever really has, have they?
You are a true believer.
But yet . . .
You are here.
Why?
As Paul wrote:
Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.
Is this just the flesh lusting after the things of the flesh, while your true spiritual self is quarantined? That's clearly not the case. There is only one experience of you that you can have, and that is the one you are having. There is no hypostatic union for you, for you are only creaturely. You are created. There was never a part of you that was totally holy--which is to be set apart--for you have only ever been everything you are now. Nothing has been added or taken away. You are only human. One human with one experience. So we can dispense with Paul's solution to our shared problem. And since you are a Christian, you already know how that closed loop of logic works in Paul's understanding of human nature, so I'll save us the future litany of verses and fall upon our shared knowledge to say this.
There is no war.
For a sure as you only have one nature, your very human nature. Outside of that, there are your thoughts about your nature. To conflate thoughts about your nature as warring with your nature is to commit a fallacy of categories; confusing a mere description of one's nature as a deceleration of war upon it, if such a thing were even possible, which it isn't.
Rather, you have a singular nature that you are incapable of deviating from, because you only have access to a singular experience of you. There is no alternate you. Just you. No Platonic you. Just you as you are in this visceral moment. No future you that is holy by virtue of attainment, for such is impossible as a created being. You are you. Simple as. There is no gap. The gap is an illusion.
You lust.
You lust in a way that dates back further than our human minds can recon with at a phenomenological level. The spans of time are too great to truly grasp for beings as finite as we. This is a lust that predates our species, and to which our species owes a debt. The lust is in each of us, as far back and farther than even we as humans. You are not unique. You lust like other a****ls lust.
Your lust is not a remnant of a nature you once had as a sinful creature.
No, you are every bit that creature still. No amount of theology or discipline can change one iota of that. Look at own actions if you need direct experiential evidence of this. You are evidence of this fact. We are. Humanity is.
For once, if only for a moment, think beyond your learned understanding of who you are and just observe you. You are kinetic. You are motion and action and thought and purpose. All of that and more.
Be honest.
Strip away the words and the hidden lives you've lived and realize that your actions speak louder. This is a part of who you are. You aren't bad because of it. In fact, in a very real sense, we owe our existence to it. You lust.
You lust.
And that's okay.
Congrats. You're like very single other human on earth, baring the rare cases, which I will fully acknowledge. But by no means should the marginal cases speak for everyone. Yes, a fraction of a percentage can claim they beat the addiction, somehow. But know that the vast majority of those who have claimed such a victory, in Christ no less, have relapses. Even the best of the best--the literal showcases for Purity Culture Warriors--relapse. Guaranteed. If they don't, by God they have been sorely tempted. Even if you beat the action, the desire cannot be quelled. Once an addict.
Always an addict.
This is true of all addictive behaviors. All. Of. Them.
Calling it the new d r u g is not a misnomer. The effect is aptly similar. And I should know, I have been chasing that particular dragon for most of my life, and I have kicked substance abuse issues in the past. The urge for a physical a d r u g is similar in aspect to craving for porn. Nearly identical.
This should not be surprising, since they both rely on the same reward pathways we have all have come to know. Dopamine, being the most common catch-all neurotransmitter used these days, so as a convention, I'm okay with it, even though it is technically imprecise. But so we are clear, dopamine, and lot else actually contributes to the human sensation of reward. Just like a substance can be used to manually control the and manipulate that reward path, the dopamine, so too can many other things. Porn being one.
Food, another. Lust for food too much and a food addict is soon faced with mobility and quality of life issues.
Consume too much porn and soon you'll be kinked out of this world. It won't be reality based, at least not usually. Porn is a form of fantasy. I get pleasure from reading fantasy with elves and spells, and I get pleasure from reading erotic fantasy. Same with pleasure from watching LOTR too, I also get from erotic visualization. This is a small variance in form, really. Think of a project you gained satisfaction with? The reward at seeing it done at the end? Felt good right? There is something similar going on with the porn addict. In some way, they are a lot like comic book collectors. Comic fans feel good about having the a complete and full understanding of a set of titles they like, or artists, or publishers. Same with fans of porn. One is just a mainstream theme of world-wide Cons, and so is the other one. We just don't talk about it like that. It is framed, in our Christian worlds, like it is the End of Times.
But we've strayed. I'll leave you with this.
I will be the most understanding mind you've ever encountered. I am not here to change you. I am not here to de-convert you. I just want you to see you, as you really are. By doing so, I believe, you will free yourself from sleepless nights. You won't endlessly beg for help from God anymore. You won't obsess about your worrying obsession as you take the Body and Blood. You won't need to weep when you consider the state of your life or your nature. The matter will be clear to you. What you do with that is up to you, after that fact. Be a kinky Christian, if that is how things play out for you. Trust me, there are many. Or be a closet atheist, like I was for years. You do you. Just do it honestly, at least to yourself.
So if you want someone who isn't going to judge you, and you need to unload. I'm here for you. I'm approachable and warm. I will not shame you. I will not out you.
I will keep your confidence.
Hell, if you want my best advice to kick the habit I will tell you how to do it. It is remarkably simple. Just don't give in. It is that easy.
Good luck.
While you're at it, I wish you the best of luck in defeating your desire to eat and drink and sleep and . . .
I'll be here for you either way.
Talk to me, my fellow-traveler. Unburden yourself. Very few people can understand you, and fewer still want to understand you. I want to know you. I want you to want me to know. To be unmasked and vulnerable and yet never safer.
Not just seen as a statistic in the (per-capita)disproportionate and growing cohort of Christian porn addicts. Rather, seen as you. Your experience of it. Through your eyes. Unvarnished with the kitschy trappings of your Christian world. All your deflections and prevarications and careful wording stripped. You. Real.
Understood.
<3
3年前
