What do you want out of a relationship?
This might sound crazy but I've always thought that Maslow's hierarchy of needs (attached) is also applicable for the outcomes that one could want out of a relationship. The lower tiers shouldn't be considered less important, but more oriented toward the hedonistic while the higher are more oriented toward the mental.
1) At the base level is good sex- it's foundational to everything and should be what you build the relationship on at the beginning. The pyramid will topple if the foundation is weak.
2) Next, rather than 'safety,' I think 'stability' is a better term with the idea being that there is enough mutual affection to reliably be there for each other to satisfy any physiological needs for intimacy, companionship and all those lovey dove bond type things. Stable, like a rock.
3) Next, is the requirement to fit the relationship into your pre existing friendship circle and family which will vary from person to person but will generally require mutually compatible values and personalities.
4) Next, I think that a healthy relationship should be one where your partner makes you feel better about yourself i.e. supports your self esteem and sense of respect. Conversely, a toxic partner, like toxic friends, will just drain you of your sense of self like Wormtongue in Lord of the Rings where the king's mind was poisoned with just words.
5) This for me is the ideal - to have a partner that quite simply makes you a more awesome person. Everyone has different ideas of what they would ideally like to accomplish in life, whether it's a job thing, a body thing, a mind thing, combination of all, whatever, and the partner, whether it's through connections or past experiences or just a proactive attitude, just makes it happen.
I also think that the pursuit and accomplishment of all these different needs will scale depending on your growth as a person (as well as your partner's growth). That's why, I feel like you should never stop pushing yourself to be better because the meaning that you find via the things that you accomplish in your relationship will be that much better. Maybe I'm a hopefully romantic but this is how I want things to be.
1) At the base level is good sex- it's foundational to everything and should be what you build the relationship on at the beginning. The pyramid will topple if the foundation is weak.
2) Next, rather than 'safety,' I think 'stability' is a better term with the idea being that there is enough mutual affection to reliably be there for each other to satisfy any physiological needs for intimacy, companionship and all those lovey dove bond type things. Stable, like a rock.
3) Next, is the requirement to fit the relationship into your pre existing friendship circle and family which will vary from person to person but will generally require mutually compatible values and personalities.
4) Next, I think that a healthy relationship should be one where your partner makes you feel better about yourself i.e. supports your self esteem and sense of respect. Conversely, a toxic partner, like toxic friends, will just drain you of your sense of self like Wormtongue in Lord of the Rings where the king's mind was poisoned with just words.
5) This for me is the ideal - to have a partner that quite simply makes you a more awesome person. Everyone has different ideas of what they would ideally like to accomplish in life, whether it's a job thing, a body thing, a mind thing, combination of all, whatever, and the partner, whether it's through connections or past experiences or just a proactive attitude, just makes it happen.
I also think that the pursuit and accomplishment of all these different needs will scale depending on your growth as a person (as well as your partner's growth). That's why, I feel like you should never stop pushing yourself to be better because the meaning that you find via the things that you accomplish in your relationship will be that much better. Maybe I'm a hopefully romantic but this is how I want things to be.
3年前
