Haunting memories,,,origins
I still keep seeing it and feeling it...how it all started...though i cannot remember the order of things...The pornography was so enticing....women with stretched out gaping assholes...it was so erotic to me....i began to have an anal obsession and began collecting magazines...these were not your ordinary playboy magazines. The porn was so revealing and so derogatory. I started building my own world in my imagination....an imagination that started creeping into my thoughts more and more. I remember the day i looked at myself in the mirror naked. My sexy rounded bottom reminded me so much of these women. The more i looked at it the more aroused i became admiring its symmetrical beauty. I could never get with a girl like that i thought. I just lacked the confidence and looking a my hard little dick i felt embarrassed.I became more and more infatuated with my bottom looks and it was when i spread my cheeks and saw my perfect little asshole that my hormones started raging. What a sight i thought....i just couldnt get enough....the more i winked it the more my hormones raged. I longed to find something similiar but knew that would be about impossible. I felt like i wanted to spend more time exploring my hole and seeing what i could do with it. Sometimes i played in the shower with it using the toilet brush handle to penetrate slightly. It hurt but at the same time once it popped through it felt great. I needed more time to play. My imagination took me to remote locations in the woods. I would walk naked knowing no one would find me but yet i still felt adventurous. This turned into bring various objects into bed at night and seeing what felt better. I wanted to the get it deeper and deeper, I remember a day in the middle of the summer...The ac was going and it was cold. I was alone. I knew i would be so i planned it. I wanted to see things from another point of view. I wanted to be like those women. I found the sexiest panties....white with erotic lacing. I grabbed a tape for the camera. I filmed my self posing on the bed. I loved the exposure and the feeling of possibly someone finding it in the moment like i was screaming out for someone to do something to me...I loved the way my body looked with my butt arced up, and those deep dimples above my cheeks. I needed something nice inside....i wanted to to feel a nice liquid. I rummaged through the bathroom and found a bottle of baby oil. I knew what i had to do. I laid on my back with my butt up pressed against the cabinet. I heard a slight gasp as my hole partialy opened. I put the opening of the bottle against my little hole and gave it a nice squeeze. I felt the slight cooly liquid force its way in. I gently stuck my fingers in...the more i did the more it opened. the gape got sloppier and the noise level was just arousing.
I had to see what was inside.I grabbed a small mirror and saw the pink fleshy tunnel inside. It looked amazing and felt amazing the more i fingered it. Oh the sound was so much i felt my cock leak. I added more lube. With my ass up in the air the lube flowed deeper. I learned that day the importance of cleaning out. I got up and i felt it running. I pushed out and expelled in a glorious loud wet fart. O felt hollowed out inside like i was completely empty. I could see my hole traveled much deeper than i thought and had a slight turn. I Could get things even deeper. I grabbed a wooden handled from a hammer. And slowy pushed in more. The minute it hit the wall i felt pressure. I decided to squat on it and arc my back out....i was amazed that i took in 2 more inches as i felt my colon slightly flex to engulf the foreign object. The idea hit me. I wanted to feel something fleshy and warm. My imagination scanned the fridge. That was it....hotdogs... i needed to warm them up. so i boiled them. I wanted to feel it like someone was fucking me. Where should i get fucked i thought....the backseat of the car...let me try that. I grabbed the cooked and warm hot dog. It slipped in nice but i wanted more. I grabbed another and put two in. It felt so amazing feeling the warmth inside me. I completely let myself go of any reservations and screamed back at the camera. "pleaseee fuck me so good. Please fuck me up the butt please fuck me nice....butt fuck me deep!" The warmth sub sided. I pulled it out. I blew my load all over myself. My hormones dropped off sharp and i felt exposed and humiliated. Why am i doing this i thought. I hid the tape and cleaned up. sitting down i could feel a slight tenderness between my cheeks. I didn't treat this as gay tendencies at the time but more so self exploration. It seemed to be the only sexual relief i could get but i knew i had to keep it secret. I started repressing it and it would come back every few weeks...i lived in my own world.
It must have been fate, or the law of attraction what ended up happening at some point later. Can you really keep certain things secret without someone picking up on it in some way? part of me felt that sometimes that was the case. The way certain men looked at me. But i was also very attractive...big blue eyes, blond hair, big full lips, and a great body. Women seemed attracted too but i never had the confidence to approach them...though i was very attracted to women. My dirty secret seemed like the easier option. I wont get into full details here but my life ended up putting me in a certain living condition. Like i said it was fate....that something would eventually happen.... and it did. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the beginning of spring. It started innocent and i did not have any thoughts or attraction to him....Luke. We got closer over time...and he would say certain things about his manhood and i never knew how he did it but i remember being called into the bathroom to look at his big 7.5 inch uncut dick. I was a bit impressed and felt a little bit outperformed and inferiror. I had no where near the size. there were a few times he would call me in to watch porn. I enjoyed watching it and we would beat off to it. at some point he wanted me to roleplay for fun so that he could experience what the men in the video were experiencing...He said he would return the favor if i wanted so i could enjoy some too. I could see how he was slowly luring me and honestly i was going with it. He had me get on my knees while he watched porn sitting down. I tasted his cock finally and i honestly liked how warm it felt in my mouth. I did a lot of licked and stroking just like he wanted it. He blew his load all over his own cock. He tasted some of his own seed and asked me to do the same. I remember the salty and bitter taste to this day because i honestly enjoyed it. I got no reciprocation and he went on with his day. We started doing this more and more every alone moment we got.
I remember the day he called me into the bathroom to get into the shower. He wanted to roleplay some hot shower sex. We did just that with fierce making out and at one point he started to dry hump my ass cheeks with my face pinned to the shower wall. I enjoyed it and let out a moan. He seemed to get excited. After we got out of the shower he lifted me and i wrapped my legs around his back. We made out as he walked me still dripping wet to the bed. i felt so protected with him holding me and kissing my mouth face and body. I totally let myself go. He turned me over and buried his face in my asshole. I felt his warm tongue slurping on my hole. I arced my back lke a total fag....he asked if it felt good to which i said it was incredible. he then started dry humping me again. I forced my ass back enjoying it. I remember him pulling my hair carressing my body as his thick warm dick slid over my ass hole.I had a sudden urge to suck on his dick. I turned my body and pushed him back. I started sucking with my eyes rolling back in my head...The sight must have been too much. He start blowing his load on my face. My tongue was snaking out in each direction trying to lick it up. he was always quick to push me aside after he blew his load.
This continued for some time. over time it escalated more and it seemed to me like he was very interested in my ass. I started to exploit that by wearing a g string or thong and teasing him. I craved his cock so much and he loved licking on my ass. I felt like i wanted to be more girly for him to make it more enticing and realistic. It escalated to one day him fingering me....and seeing i liked it he asked if he could try sliding his dick in. I was hesitant and initially i refused saying it was too far. He was okay with it. Over the next few days he would tell me how gay men have better sex because they have g spots. he planted the seed and over time it consumed my thoughts. It was that one fateful day my life changed forever. I knew we would be alone in the afternoon. I secretly prepped in the shower. I decided i was going to try taking the dick inside. i looked at myself in the mirror and i couldnt beleive what i was about to do. But i could not stop it now and i needed to know what it felt like. I was ready....I remember it was May the windows were open and a cool breeze was traveling through the home. I stood at the door completely naked, He was on the phone but noticed me and smiled. I layed down in bed and gazed into his eyes. He knew i wanted to play. He was still on the phone when he started dropping his pants. his dick flung up like a spring. I was so ready for him my body started moving in a sexualized way. He got off the phone and took his shirt off. He crawled up to me and i spread my legs. We made out...his body carressed mine. 'let me suck your dick i told him." he was on his knees dick up in the air. I was on fours arcing my butt up in the air. His wet fingers playing with my hole as i swalllowed his hot dick. " i want to try having sex...all the way" " ok he said....can i try sticking it in your ass?" " mmmhmm. I went full spread eagle. There was no turning back...i had agreed.
I felt the cool breeze hit my naked body and with the sensation of his dick pushing on my wet hole i felt goosebumps hit my body. I pinned my legs back and lifted my head to see it. He pushed and pushed but i was a bit too tense. He whispered in my ear to relax and he tongued my ear... I felt calmer and as my body relaxed his cock forcefully plunged past my asshole. I freaked out and let out a scream and a started gasping for air as it took me by surprise. He asked if i was okay and i said yes....It was that moment with his cock slightly in my asshole that i felt something euphoric. The best i can explain is that a sensation shot through my entire body starting from my hole. It was almost a tingle but it felt so powerful. I felt like somebody took over my body....and as quickly as i felt that the feeling traveled back down to my penetrated hole to the point i started shaking. I grabbed a hold of him telling him to keep it in. The energy rush dropped and i was brought back down to the stretching sensation in my asshole, It was an amazing feeling that in the end felt like a complete loss of innocence. The sobering thought of having a cock jammed in my ass turned to complete wild lust. How does that feel he asked.....fucking amazing i replied. I wanted him deeper and deeper. He kept pushing but it was so tight. I wanted more though...i looked him in the eyes and biting my bottom lip i said fuck me! He started to pump...and we were interrupted, We jumped out out of bed and got clothes on asap to avoid being caught...Such a buzz kill..to be continued.
I had to see what was inside.I grabbed a small mirror and saw the pink fleshy tunnel inside. It looked amazing and felt amazing the more i fingered it. Oh the sound was so much i felt my cock leak. I added more lube. With my ass up in the air the lube flowed deeper. I learned that day the importance of cleaning out. I got up and i felt it running. I pushed out and expelled in a glorious loud wet fart. O felt hollowed out inside like i was completely empty. I could see my hole traveled much deeper than i thought and had a slight turn. I Could get things even deeper. I grabbed a wooden handled from a hammer. And slowy pushed in more. The minute it hit the wall i felt pressure. I decided to squat on it and arc my back out....i was amazed that i took in 2 more inches as i felt my colon slightly flex to engulf the foreign object. The idea hit me. I wanted to feel something fleshy and warm. My imagination scanned the fridge. That was it....hotdogs... i needed to warm them up. so i boiled them. I wanted to feel it like someone was fucking me. Where should i get fucked i thought....the backseat of the car...let me try that. I grabbed the cooked and warm hot dog. It slipped in nice but i wanted more. I grabbed another and put two in. It felt so amazing feeling the warmth inside me. I completely let myself go of any reservations and screamed back at the camera. "pleaseee fuck me so good. Please fuck me up the butt please fuck me nice....butt fuck me deep!" The warmth sub sided. I pulled it out. I blew my load all over myself. My hormones dropped off sharp and i felt exposed and humiliated. Why am i doing this i thought. I hid the tape and cleaned up. sitting down i could feel a slight tenderness between my cheeks. I didn't treat this as gay tendencies at the time but more so self exploration. It seemed to be the only sexual relief i could get but i knew i had to keep it secret. I started repressing it and it would come back every few weeks...i lived in my own world.
It must have been fate, or the law of attraction what ended up happening at some point later. Can you really keep certain things secret without someone picking up on it in some way? part of me felt that sometimes that was the case. The way certain men looked at me. But i was also very attractive...big blue eyes, blond hair, big full lips, and a great body. Women seemed attracted too but i never had the confidence to approach them...though i was very attracted to women. My dirty secret seemed like the easier option. I wont get into full details here but my life ended up putting me in a certain living condition. Like i said it was fate....that something would eventually happen.... and it did. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the beginning of spring. It started innocent and i did not have any thoughts or attraction to him....Luke. We got closer over time...and he would say certain things about his manhood and i never knew how he did it but i remember being called into the bathroom to look at his big 7.5 inch uncut dick. I was a bit impressed and felt a little bit outperformed and inferiror. I had no where near the size. there were a few times he would call me in to watch porn. I enjoyed watching it and we would beat off to it. at some point he wanted me to roleplay for fun so that he could experience what the men in the video were experiencing...He said he would return the favor if i wanted so i could enjoy some too. I could see how he was slowly luring me and honestly i was going with it. He had me get on my knees while he watched porn sitting down. I tasted his cock finally and i honestly liked how warm it felt in my mouth. I did a lot of licked and stroking just like he wanted it. He blew his load all over his own cock. He tasted some of his own seed and asked me to do the same. I remember the salty and bitter taste to this day because i honestly enjoyed it. I got no reciprocation and he went on with his day. We started doing this more and more every alone moment we got.
I remember the day he called me into the bathroom to get into the shower. He wanted to roleplay some hot shower sex. We did just that with fierce making out and at one point he started to dry hump my ass cheeks with my face pinned to the shower wall. I enjoyed it and let out a moan. He seemed to get excited. After we got out of the shower he lifted me and i wrapped my legs around his back. We made out as he walked me still dripping wet to the bed. i felt so protected with him holding me and kissing my mouth face and body. I totally let myself go. He turned me over and buried his face in my asshole. I felt his warm tongue slurping on my hole. I arced my back lke a total fag....he asked if it felt good to which i said it was incredible. he then started dry humping me again. I forced my ass back enjoying it. I remember him pulling my hair carressing my body as his thick warm dick slid over my ass hole.I had a sudden urge to suck on his dick. I turned my body and pushed him back. I started sucking with my eyes rolling back in my head...The sight must have been too much. He start blowing his load on my face. My tongue was snaking out in each direction trying to lick it up. he was always quick to push me aside after he blew his load.
This continued for some time. over time it escalated more and it seemed to me like he was very interested in my ass. I started to exploit that by wearing a g string or thong and teasing him. I craved his cock so much and he loved licking on my ass. I felt like i wanted to be more girly for him to make it more enticing and realistic. It escalated to one day him fingering me....and seeing i liked it he asked if he could try sliding his dick in. I was hesitant and initially i refused saying it was too far. He was okay with it. Over the next few days he would tell me how gay men have better sex because they have g spots. he planted the seed and over time it consumed my thoughts. It was that one fateful day my life changed forever. I knew we would be alone in the afternoon. I secretly prepped in the shower. I decided i was going to try taking the dick inside. i looked at myself in the mirror and i couldnt beleive what i was about to do. But i could not stop it now and i needed to know what it felt like. I was ready....I remember it was May the windows were open and a cool breeze was traveling through the home. I stood at the door completely naked, He was on the phone but noticed me and smiled. I layed down in bed and gazed into his eyes. He knew i wanted to play. He was still on the phone when he started dropping his pants. his dick flung up like a spring. I was so ready for him my body started moving in a sexualized way. He got off the phone and took his shirt off. He crawled up to me and i spread my legs. We made out...his body carressed mine. 'let me suck your dick i told him." he was on his knees dick up in the air. I was on fours arcing my butt up in the air. His wet fingers playing with my hole as i swalllowed his hot dick. " i want to try having sex...all the way" " ok he said....can i try sticking it in your ass?" " mmmhmm. I went full spread eagle. There was no turning back...i had agreed.
I felt the cool breeze hit my naked body and with the sensation of his dick pushing on my wet hole i felt goosebumps hit my body. I pinned my legs back and lifted my head to see it. He pushed and pushed but i was a bit too tense. He whispered in my ear to relax and he tongued my ear... I felt calmer and as my body relaxed his cock forcefully plunged past my asshole. I freaked out and let out a scream and a started gasping for air as it took me by surprise. He asked if i was okay and i said yes....It was that moment with his cock slightly in my asshole that i felt something euphoric. The best i can explain is that a sensation shot through my entire body starting from my hole. It was almost a tingle but it felt so powerful. I felt like somebody took over my body....and as quickly as i felt that the feeling traveled back down to my penetrated hole to the point i started shaking. I grabbed a hold of him telling him to keep it in. The energy rush dropped and i was brought back down to the stretching sensation in my asshole, It was an amazing feeling that in the end felt like a complete loss of innocence. The sobering thought of having a cock jammed in my ass turned to complete wild lust. How does that feel he asked.....fucking amazing i replied. I wanted him deeper and deeper. He kept pushing but it was so tight. I wanted more though...i looked him in the eyes and biting my bottom lip i said fuck me! He started to pump...and we were interrupted, We jumped out out of bed and got clothes on asap to avoid being caught...Such a buzz kill..to be continued.
3年前
