I met with someone…
Yes, all of a sudden, I was made aware of an old friend who seemed to have explored sexuality in a similar way to what I have been doing for the last almost four years. Amazing! So last week, I drove ten hours to be with him for almost a week, and we were both very excited that this would happen. Neither of us had any specific expectations, but me dressing up like BB was definitely part of both our wishes. We had a great time, sharing a lot of other things in common – but when it came to exploring sexuality, there appeared some big differences. This was very surprising to me, so after the first evening with me all dressed up very sexy, and some very limited physical activities, I only observed his explorations without direct involvement.
Below is my reflections on what happened. I share it here, because it might be of interest to you who follow my ”evolution” :P
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I seem to experience lust and desire differently from what is usually associated with feeling strong lust and desire. Different in that lust and desire is always present in me, independently of what happens or not – and even if it happens that something would interrupt the expressions of this lust and desire.
The lust I feel is not easily interrupted when I play with my toys, since they are always close at hand and always ”ready”. But also when with someone, the lust and desire is always present and experienced, and it loves to express itself and that it is given space to express itself – but is at the same time independent of being given that space to express itself or not!
On one hand it is impossible to disappoint this lust and desire, on the other hand it is insatiable – it is always present. It is fully sufficient in itself, by simply being what it is.
However, when opportunity is given for it to express itself, it is incredibly exciting – and it is at the same time so unusual for it to do so when I'm with someone.
After having been with this person, I reflect:
What I have described above could not happen with this specific person, because it becomes evident that we approached sexuality in completely different ways: Mechanically and emotionally. I do not have the ability to approach sexuality mechanically, because the lust and desire is present already, and it is then given space to express itself in physical arrangements that happen in synch with the emotions already evoked in me. But the other person seemed to try to achieve lust and desire through physical arrangements. In my experience, this would be like putting the cart before the horse. I am not saying that one way is better than the other, I simply describe how it is for me.
In short: For me, lust is not produced or generated by physical arrangements or activities. Being with someone who strives to achieve lust by particular physical arrangements or activities... just doesn't work for me.
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Below is my reflections on what happened. I share it here, because it might be of interest to you who follow my ”evolution” :P
-------------------
I seem to experience lust and desire differently from what is usually associated with feeling strong lust and desire. Different in that lust and desire is always present in me, independently of what happens or not – and even if it happens that something would interrupt the expressions of this lust and desire.
The lust I feel is not easily interrupted when I play with my toys, since they are always close at hand and always ”ready”. But also when with someone, the lust and desire is always present and experienced, and it loves to express itself and that it is given space to express itself – but is at the same time independent of being given that space to express itself or not!
On one hand it is impossible to disappoint this lust and desire, on the other hand it is insatiable – it is always present. It is fully sufficient in itself, by simply being what it is.
However, when opportunity is given for it to express itself, it is incredibly exciting – and it is at the same time so unusual for it to do so when I'm with someone.
After having been with this person, I reflect:
What I have described above could not happen with this specific person, because it becomes evident that we approached sexuality in completely different ways: Mechanically and emotionally. I do not have the ability to approach sexuality mechanically, because the lust and desire is present already, and it is then given space to express itself in physical arrangements that happen in synch with the emotions already evoked in me. But the other person seemed to try to achieve lust and desire through physical arrangements. In my experience, this would be like putting the cart before the horse. I am not saying that one way is better than the other, I simply describe how it is for me.
In short: For me, lust is not produced or generated by physical arrangements or activities. Being with someone who strives to achieve lust by particular physical arrangements or activities... just doesn't work for me.
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3年前
