Why am i fucked in the head???

i had a girlfriend in 1989 i went in the army sent to germany JUNE 1989 our plans where to marry in OCT.1989 the guys tried to get me to go to frankfurt to the whore houses but i didn't wana cheat on her.. i told them this but they didn't care .... a few weeks went by and they accused me of being a queer. they told me that we're going to a swingers party if i didn't go they'll make my time in the army hell, so i went got drunk found myself nude and tied to saw horses and was getting fucked by men and women with strap-ons and forced to swallow and suck this went on from JUNE 1989 to FEB.1990 was discharge in MARCH 1990 with no benefits gi bill va loan nothing they sent my girlfriend polaroids and my life sucks think about suicide every day...