So lonely.

I think I am getting very lonely and depressed and as much as I love Wetaskiwin I don't think I have any options here, I feel trapped and I hate my living conditions. I'm in love with a girl who exploits my generousity and treats me like shit. Im scared to leave the house most of the time. I have no prospects for a better future and I am unable to get ahead in life. I can't find a decent team to get a place with because everyone i know is homeless. I don't know what to do, I need to be free to be myself and if the woman I love doesn't want me it would be great if she would at least let me get over her useless ass. I deserve better than this. I shouldn't have to rely on needing a team but I can't afford to do anything on my own. Yet alone is all I ever seem to be, except for on paydays that is. That is sad, I should just die already Too much has changed and what is the point in trying to get myself back when I am the only person who likes me. I think I not going to last much longer anymore, its hard to maintain a smile good thing I am so tough but how much more before I snap and start being the bad.guy? It's like the seeds keep being sprinkled over every month, im a good person and I am better than this but I let it all happen and I see no end to it. I should have never wanted in life, that was a huge mistake and I went around trying to get it all the wrong way. I am pathetic and im so lonely and I know I am never going to get her but I am becoming so desperate that i let it happen time and time again, even though this month I resisted I immediately regretted it and shown that i can't commit to anything i choose. Too many snakes and con artists in this town and I am so naive that i get played like a fiddle to often and never get to do anything I want to do. I'm going to snap and shut down entirely or worse I'll let out my bad side and show everyone who I really am. Im a monster and can be 180 the person who you think you know so when I finally dp accept that I am the bad guy you'll want nothing to do with me. I am really close too as.well.