Who am I?

I don't even know anymore if I'm even really alive. I don't know the right words to use as usual...
We are getting closer to the one year anniversary and I don't want to think about it. It still makes me cry at night, I should move on but I know I never will be able to do so.
This is a constant pain...
I don't know what to do and I'm not asking for your help. This is just me venting in some sort of way.

I'm gonna go through the motions, like I always do. But there is so much I don't care about anymore.
I just want to go to bed and stay in there forever. Leave me here with my music and don't talk to me. Let me slowly disappear.