Feed my addiction

I have a secret. Many years ago just after I married, used to still go weekends away with my best bud. Lost touch after he married too. One weekend away we were chilling on our beds and he was talking about a girl he just met, wasn't sure about her-asked my opinion. So I asked what he liked about her. We always been open with each other with stuff like that. This time he was in his shorts and the more he described things the more I could see his boner growing in his shorts, had never seen another guy like this before and pretended I hadn't seen. I laughed it off at the time and thought nothing of it. I tried to forget about it, I was married, I shouldn't have looked, but it kept reappearing in my head. The more I thought about it, the more reaction I had, like an uncontrollable erection. I suppressed the feeling, tried to stop thinking about it, week after week. I felt so ashamed. Eventually it came too great, waited for my wife to be out, thought about my best buddy's crotch and masturbated. Now I can't stop staring at other guy's bulges hoping to have the experience again. I keep holding the thoughts back but they always rise to the surface, it feels like an addiction I can't control.