A Very Difficult Post
I have to write a very difficult post, for the benefit of anyone who had looked at my content, in particular my written words, and gives any kind of shit about this kind of thing. You get a pass if you don’t give a shit; I don’t hold it against anyone who is here for the usual types of porn-related monkey-business.
But to those of you who read and like words, and have read mine, and it has perhaps got you reading a little more of it, and here you are reading this, well, this is for you.
I mentioned that either porn would be the end of my marriage or my marriage would be the end of my porn.
It turned out neither of those were right. In November 2024 my really quite super-incredible wife got sick, and in January got diagnosed for sure with a tumor on her pancreas. She left, then, a month later. So about four months ago. I had heard her tell a friend she would try chemo to humor me. She tried it. As we had been told, it would be pretty awful and almost or maybe worse than the disease. She hated it and said she was done with it. She was in hospice a week after that, and died after a week in hospice. I was there to hear her take her final breath.
There is a whole lot I could say here, and I have journaled it in other more respectable places where I can talk about it with friends and use her name and my name and that is normal. But I am guessing most of us don’t do that kind of thing here, posting on a porn site. If you really want to know more you can ask. I am good with talking about it.
Now that I don’t have to sneak around behind her back, I am a little more at ease here on xhamster, but still coming to grips with the awful changes xhamster made to how it used to be in “the good old days.” The P site won’t even serve itself to computers where I live for legal reasons. That whole thing sucks.
However, porn is definitely a problem for those whose brains have not yet turned to concrete like mine did some years ago.
Anyway, so my wonderful wife passed away and now I have the freedom to play here unencumbered. Such a shallow gain as to be truly pathetic. If I had to do all this over again, I assure you I would do many things differently.
I’m grateful to Fiona here for treating me with such love and care. A very matter-of-fact queer girl young enough to be my daughter, and with whom I can hardly fantasize, yet she shows such compassion and thoughtfulness that if I ever met her I could do naught else but share a meal, and enjoy a good beer in a nice pub.
Thank you Fi for being a pal, and if you’re not Fi reading this then thanks for reading.
Joe
But to those of you who read and like words, and have read mine, and it has perhaps got you reading a little more of it, and here you are reading this, well, this is for you.
I mentioned that either porn would be the end of my marriage or my marriage would be the end of my porn.
It turned out neither of those were right. In November 2024 my really quite super-incredible wife got sick, and in January got diagnosed for sure with a tumor on her pancreas. She left, then, a month later. So about four months ago. I had heard her tell a friend she would try chemo to humor me. She tried it. As we had been told, it would be pretty awful and almost or maybe worse than the disease. She hated it and said she was done with it. She was in hospice a week after that, and died after a week in hospice. I was there to hear her take her final breath.
There is a whole lot I could say here, and I have journaled it in other more respectable places where I can talk about it with friends and use her name and my name and that is normal. But I am guessing most of us don’t do that kind of thing here, posting on a porn site. If you really want to know more you can ask. I am good with talking about it.
Now that I don’t have to sneak around behind her back, I am a little more at ease here on xhamster, but still coming to grips with the awful changes xhamster made to how it used to be in “the good old days.” The P site won’t even serve itself to computers where I live for legal reasons. That whole thing sucks.
However, porn is definitely a problem for those whose brains have not yet turned to concrete like mine did some years ago.
Anyway, so my wonderful wife passed away and now I have the freedom to play here unencumbered. Such a shallow gain as to be truly pathetic. If I had to do all this over again, I assure you I would do many things differently.
I’m grateful to Fiona here for treating me with such love and care. A very matter-of-fact queer girl young enough to be my daughter, and with whom I can hardly fantasize, yet she shows such compassion and thoughtfulness that if I ever met her I could do naught else but share a meal, and enjoy a good beer in a nice pub.
Thank you Fi for being a pal, and if you’re not Fi reading this then thanks for reading.
Joe
8ヶ月前
