Cuckold life

I was married for 15 years to a very dominant and demanding woman in terms of her priorities. In the fourth month of our married life, under her pressure, I agreed to the role of cuckold and our relationship developed quickly and unconditionally in this vein. I quickly found myself under her thumb and on a short leash in every aspect of our marriage. After she got pregnant by her lover and decided to raise the c..hil..d with its biological father, our marriage fell apart. My wife was my first woman. The first sex in my life. And it was a terrible experience. I was ashamed and I could not wait for it to be over. In addition, she immediately, without embarrassment, drew attention to the fact that my penis is too small and that this is a big problem for her. I was sure that our relationship was over. But no. The next morning she called as if nothing had happened and we met again. She was extremely persistent and three months later we got married, although there was no more sex before the wedding. She was the leader in everything, made decisions for me. Even the fact that we would get married was her decision and only hers, and she did not give me the opportunity to refuse, although I did not try. The relationship was.. she threw scandals at me literally for everything, for the fact that I was 5 minutes late from work, did not answer her phone on time, or did not wash the dishes on time. I always looked for excuses for everything, and she did not accept them so easily. It was always emotionally difficult. I was even guilty of the fact that she had to have lovers, because I could not be a "normal man" in sex because of my very small penis. Once she caught me masturbating. I went through a lot of drama because of it. She made a terrible scene with me. She complained about it to my cousin. She said such things about me that I am still afraid to talk to her. Later she calmed down and even said that she understood me and the reason why I cheated on her. It was all about my slutty nature and inability to control my desires. She brought a chastity device. A small one that sissies wear. The first time I wore it for 51 days. At first she said that it was for 50 days, but she lost count and I could not prove to her that the time was up. I suffered a lot with this device. This feeling of discomfort that was drilling into my head. Neither my begging her, nor my thousands of vows and promises, did anything to shorten this period. She never took it off during this time. And so this relationship went on for 15 years... We divorce 4 y ago. A feeling of guilt and constant humiliation on one hand, and security and stability on the other, this was my life... my loved life. Now I really miss it. I am looking for a way to back to my submissive cuckold kinky life.