How I Found Out I Am Genderqueer
I was born in a male body, but growing up, I always felt something was off inside me. At first, I thought it was just because I was around mostly women or maybe my self-esteem. That was partly true, but the bigger truth was that there is a girl living in my heart. I slowly realized this when I noticed that most of my actions and thoughts were more feminine than my cousins'.
It was hard to admit this in my traditional family, especially since those girl cousins bullied me, calling me "pondan." That really hurt. So, I started acting tough, taking up Kung Fu, Karate, and fitness. I actually got pretty good, but still, I wasn't that big, tough man. I was more gentle, clean in my movements, kind of like a soft acrobat.
During puberty, my body even started getting an hourglass figure. Finding clothes that fit became a nightmare; men's clothes were just flat and had few options. One day, I accidentally tried on a pair of women's jeans that fit perfectly, but my mom refused to buy them when she realized.
I envied girls so much. They had so many more choices in how they looked and acted without being judged. "Tomboy" was fine in my culture, but "femboy" wasn't. Men weren't supposed to cry or show emotion, and I was the sensitive one. I had to hide my true self so much that I tried really hard to leave home.
I finally found where I belonged when I studied in Taiwan. My first lesson there was about gender, and it completely blew my mind. I learned it's okay to choose your own gender, not just male or female. My friends there were so supportive and open-minded. I felt safe to explore and discover who I really am and what I want to become.
Now, I'm confident in not being defined by any single gender. This freedom lets me choose what I truly like, without the old expectations. I can be someone who does martial arts, someone who loves cute things, someone who is soft and sensitive, and someone who can love a man or a woman. My journey brought me to a place where I can finally be my true self, without holding anything back.
It was hard to admit this in my traditional family, especially since those girl cousins bullied me, calling me "pondan." That really hurt. So, I started acting tough, taking up Kung Fu, Karate, and fitness. I actually got pretty good, but still, I wasn't that big, tough man. I was more gentle, clean in my movements, kind of like a soft acrobat.
During puberty, my body even started getting an hourglass figure. Finding clothes that fit became a nightmare; men's clothes were just flat and had few options. One day, I accidentally tried on a pair of women's jeans that fit perfectly, but my mom refused to buy them when she realized.
I envied girls so much. They had so many more choices in how they looked and acted without being judged. "Tomboy" was fine in my culture, but "femboy" wasn't. Men weren't supposed to cry or show emotion, and I was the sensitive one. I had to hide my true self so much that I tried really hard to leave home.
I finally found where I belonged when I studied in Taiwan. My first lesson there was about gender, and it completely blew my mind. I learned it's okay to choose your own gender, not just male or female. My friends there were so supportive and open-minded. I felt safe to explore and discover who I really am and what I want to become.
Now, I'm confident in not being defined by any single gender. This freedom lets me choose what I truly like, without the old expectations. I can be someone who does martial arts, someone who loves cute things, someone who is soft and sensitive, and someone who can love a man or a woman. My journey brought me to a place where I can finally be my true self, without holding anything back.
7ヶ月前
