Mutual Masturbation in Panties

When I was about 12 I pulled my cock out in front of a friend and he watched me jerk off but only for a few seconds. Ever since this event, I’ve been wanting a real jerk off buddy to play with especially while wearing some sexy panties. I’ve had several opportunities to meet fellow masturbators but I just can’t seem to pull the trigger and actually meet. I masturbate on cam with others occasionally and it is a real turn on. The only way that I can see that I will ever jerk off with another person is if something were to happen spontaneously but I really can’t ever see that happening. I’m a masculine type guy that no one would ever suspect wears panties and lingerie while masturbating or is even a chronic masturbator like I am. Is anyone else in a similar situation?