Halfway between initiative and hospital

There comes a time when all we can do is think about our sexual urges. Most of the time this is easily remedied and we can be getting on with our day within a few minutes, but there are occasions when; for reasons we cannot explain, we just have to 'get creative'!
I cannot remember how many times I've gone from room-to-room seeking that particular something that my ass is crying out for. At the time - I have no idea what it is or what it looks like, but I feel sure I'll know it when I see it.

And therein lies the problem. Whatever it is I will stumble upon (quite literally in some cases) was NOT designed for my ass. Is that going to stop me? No fucking chance! So, as a result of this craziness, I have; as you may imagine, had a vast array of wholly unsuitable objects up my ass. Sometimes just to get that feeling of being filled, but at other times, to be thoroughly and often brutally fucked.

I either need a mentor to guide me as to the foolishness of my actions, or I need to find a fuck buddy who can be just that. They have the item I'm unconsciously seeking and I have the hole that's ready, willing and waiting.

So how exactly do I get fucked!?

I know that's a daft question, but: I'm married, have always considered myself a little 'bi', but have never been aware of any scene as such. I've had flings with CDs, TVs and a gorgeous TS Milf in the (distant) past - but things have changed and technology, social media and such have seemingly moved on without me!

I really need to see a lover before I end up seeing a nurse!!!