The guilt of being a submissive male

I can't tell when I first realized I liked pleasing men but it was back in the 70s when men being with men was a big no no . Real males didn't do things with other males ,but the 1st time I knelt in front of another guy naked and took him into my mouth I knew this was what I wanted to do .The feeling of him getting hard in my mouth and his taste turned me on . The problem was after we were done I started to feel guilty that I let a guy do that to me ,but after a few days the urge came back and I was looking to do it again and even after I let a guy use my back door ,I loved feeling him in me but later i was disgusted with myself for doing it My first real kiss was with another guy ..I would lay in my bed at night thinking I was going to hell for what I did. Years later while at work I heard guys talking about a beach nearby where guys hung out naked on the beach then did things in the dunes .The first time I went there I was a little shy because i was a bit over weight and had a small dick ,but after being there a few minutes I was completely at ease . I was surprised that guys could stand around naked talking like it was normal ;holding hands hugging and kissing ,then I went into the dunes and saw guys out in the open having sex ,when they were done they would walk away like it as no big deal .that day I had se with a few guys and felt no guilt and on my way home I realized this is who i was and became a lot more comfortable letting guys make me do things