Ode to a cotton swab

I stuck a Q-tip up my nose
just to see what I might find
Mother wasn't at home just then
she's really the meddling kind
and I couldn't do what I really like to do
Mom said she read it somewhere
that it would make me go blind
Any way, I poked around and I probed around
and I felt around a bit
Then with a mighty push, I shoved it in hard
Just to see how far up it would fit . . .
All of a sudden, my life flashed, my brain screamed and blood flowed from my nose like cheap draft beer
The pain was so great that my balls shriveled
and I shrieked like a little queen
Just before passing over to meet grandma
it was mothers voice I could hear
"How many times have I told you to blow your nose, you twit
Q-tips are made for your ear.

Post mortum footnote; Some time after my funeral
After my plot has sprouted new grass
I'd like to see the look on mom's face
when she finds the bottle brush
I used to use ton swab out my ass