Weenie in a bottle

It feels like I've been alone too long,
With no girls around my mind
Was wondering.
Thinking of some way,
to release it.

I looked in the kitchen,
Saw some Crisco Oil,
And that's when my blood started to boil,
Ooooooh yeah.

Ow, Ow, Ow!
(Uh oh!)
Ow, ow, ow!
(Oh God! What did I just do?)

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.
It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Gonna shove it up there all the way.
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
Oh no,
Can, can, someone come help me out?

It's turning purple,
All the feelings gone,
Now where did I put that friggin' phone?
Dialing 9-1-1!

Please pick up!
I'm in a lot of pain!
This was supposed to feel good,
Now I'm suffering,
Oh, please answer!

[Emergency Services]
Denver 911, what is your emergency?

Ow, Ow, ow!

[Emergency Services]
Hello?

Ow, ow, ow!

[Emergency Services]
Sir, what seems to be the problem?

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.

[Emergency Services]
Go on!

It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

[Emergency Services]
You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
Oh my!
You must feel really lonely, guy.
You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
That's a first!
Don't worry sir,
We're sending somebody out!
Hey Pam, this guy's got his weenie stuck in a bottle!

[Pam]
No way!

[Emergency Services]
He does!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Wait, wait...
Sir, we're sending somebody out.
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!

[Police]
He's in here,
Let's break the door down!

They break the door down.

[Police]
Oh my God!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[Emergency Services]
No one wanted to be with him,
Had to make his dream come true,
He wanted to hump something!

I didn't know what to do!

[Police]
It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
He stuck his weenie in a bottle--

And now I can't get it out!

[Policeman]
Ok k**, relax
We're going to get this thing off of ya!
OK, get ready,
PULL!

OWWWW!!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Now, now, now I can't get it out!