Mike's Blog 3: Types
Before I continue, let me dive a little deeper into the differences in types this time. While there are many shades of grey, you can basically divide them into three categories. "kinky fun" , "hobby" , and "true calling"
"kinky fun"
Most likely, you are in this category. While bondage has a certain appeal to you and your partner, it's nothing more than one of the many things you try and like in bed. Making a comparison to us, this is also Ashley's category. She enjoys being tied up by Melissa from time to time, but her real passion lies with gentle and loving sex.
Being in this category leaves you open to enjoy a whole world of pleasure, starting at regular vanilla sex and ending in public places, tired to a chair or experimenting with different partners.
I like to see those people as open minded, but not sincere Dom/Sub material.
"hobby"
now this is more like it. The hobby category includes people who do have normal sex, but the relationship between dominate and submissive partner are a part of almost every interaction. If you feel like you missed out on something if you didn't get to either reward or punish your partner in a week, then this is you. Originally, I thought that this was Melissa's category. Only in recent years I learned that I was wrong, she is actually in category three, but was unsure to take that last step. It is a lot of fun being in this category, but those who fit in here usually also get stuck here, ever experiencing category three.
"true calling"
This category greatly differs from cat. 1&2. For us, D/S isn't a game, it's who we are. Many struggle their whole life trying to either fight their nature, or tying to find the right partner. This is a hard one to explain, kind of like explaining what being straight or gay feels like. Maybe this will help.
A true submissive isn't formed in the pages of fan fiction... She is born.
A true dominate isn't trained in forums or clubs... He is born.
A true relationship can not be measured by words alone... It is destiny.
A true submissive is neither conquered nor subdued... She chooses.
We are talking whole life experience here. But don't mistake it for simple malevolence or sadism. Relationships like these have three main themes everything is build on. Control, Trust and Love. Allowing your partner to tie you up speaks a whole lot about the trust you have for him/her. Being exposed and helpless at the hands of someone else simply requires that. At the same time the one in control is not you but her. Like I said earlier, she isn't subdued by you but allows herself to be. It's a challenge to you as her chosen Dom, saying
"How far can you push me? You've got me tired up, beat and crying, but i'm still not broken. Do you have the strength to get me there?"
Setting that defiance in her eyes makes it clear who is actually controlling the situation. And it's your responsibility as Dom to rise to her challenge, showing her that there are still places in her soul she has no idea they existed. These dynamics are what defines not only the trust, but also the love you feel for each other. There is no greater feeling than to release her in the end, seeing how much she enjoyed it and being thanked through happy tears for it. Just close your eyes for a second and try to really imagine that.
That doesn't mean there is no 'normal' love and affection happening in these relationships. Probably even more than in others. Maybe it's because one person practically owns the other, but there are no arguments. Not counting Melissa and me, I know four couples like this and they all say the same. You just don't argue. Every decision you make has your partner in mind, always considering wether or not she would like it.
And yes, there is normal sex also. Probably even more then in 'classical' long term relationships.
I could go for hours, but I think I will let it end here. I hope I could give you some insight and better understanding of the matter.
Next time I will refocus on the second blog, picking up with your first experience and what you have to pay attention to.
"kinky fun"
Most likely, you are in this category. While bondage has a certain appeal to you and your partner, it's nothing more than one of the many things you try and like in bed. Making a comparison to us, this is also Ashley's category. She enjoys being tied up by Melissa from time to time, but her real passion lies with gentle and loving sex.
Being in this category leaves you open to enjoy a whole world of pleasure, starting at regular vanilla sex and ending in public places, tired to a chair or experimenting with different partners.
I like to see those people as open minded, but not sincere Dom/Sub material.
"hobby"
now this is more like it. The hobby category includes people who do have normal sex, but the relationship between dominate and submissive partner are a part of almost every interaction. If you feel like you missed out on something if you didn't get to either reward or punish your partner in a week, then this is you. Originally, I thought that this was Melissa's category. Only in recent years I learned that I was wrong, she is actually in category three, but was unsure to take that last step. It is a lot of fun being in this category, but those who fit in here usually also get stuck here, ever experiencing category three.
"true calling"
This category greatly differs from cat. 1&2. For us, D/S isn't a game, it's who we are. Many struggle their whole life trying to either fight their nature, or tying to find the right partner. This is a hard one to explain, kind of like explaining what being straight or gay feels like. Maybe this will help.
A true submissive isn't formed in the pages of fan fiction... She is born.
A true dominate isn't trained in forums or clubs... He is born.
A true relationship can not be measured by words alone... It is destiny.
A true submissive is neither conquered nor subdued... She chooses.
We are talking whole life experience here. But don't mistake it for simple malevolence or sadism. Relationships like these have three main themes everything is build on. Control, Trust and Love. Allowing your partner to tie you up speaks a whole lot about the trust you have for him/her. Being exposed and helpless at the hands of someone else simply requires that. At the same time the one in control is not you but her. Like I said earlier, she isn't subdued by you but allows herself to be. It's a challenge to you as her chosen Dom, saying
"How far can you push me? You've got me tired up, beat and crying, but i'm still not broken. Do you have the strength to get me there?"
Setting that defiance in her eyes makes it clear who is actually controlling the situation. And it's your responsibility as Dom to rise to her challenge, showing her that there are still places in her soul she has no idea they existed. These dynamics are what defines not only the trust, but also the love you feel for each other. There is no greater feeling than to release her in the end, seeing how much she enjoyed it and being thanked through happy tears for it. Just close your eyes for a second and try to really imagine that.
That doesn't mean there is no 'normal' love and affection happening in these relationships. Probably even more than in others. Maybe it's because one person practically owns the other, but there are no arguments. Not counting Melissa and me, I know four couples like this and they all say the same. You just don't argue. Every decision you make has your partner in mind, always considering wether or not she would like it.
And yes, there is normal sex also. Probably even more then in 'classical' long term relationships.
I could go for hours, but I think I will let it end here. I hope I could give you some insight and better understanding of the matter.
Next time I will refocus on the second blog, picking up with your first experience and what you have to pay attention to.
12年前
