Mike's Blog 18: Of victims and victors
six months... Holy crap have I taken my time. I planed on writing a lot during our vacation, but like always ambition and fact are two different things. But let me skip the apology, since most if you won't read it anyway, and let me get to the blog.
Before I start, let me say that this is a very serious topic. I'm prepared for disagreements and I'd welcome a debate afterwards.
So... Where to begin...
You might be asking yourself what the title is referring to. Well, its about the pros and cons of bdsm for vict1ms of sexual vi0lence. Its a controversy that's been overshadowing the lifestyle practically from the start. And at some point I have to pay attention to that fact. As always, this is a blog based on experience and personal opinion and by no means a generally accepted statement.
Some people call it taking advantage of a vict1m, and in a way they are right, but it can have a very positive influence, depending on many circumstances.
First and foremost it is unbelievably important that the sub is in psychiatric care and has been for a while. Otherwise even a single session can emotionally scar the sub irreversibly. Living through the same ordeal again is something only few people can imagine without experiencing it. And yet, many vict1ms become sexually submissive, often even the most extreme pain junkies. But why is that?
I have dealt with two subs who had been rap,ed. Those two women each had their own explanation why they liked being submissive.
I have the agreement from those ladies to tell their story here.
Let's call the first one Tessa. She was in her late thirties, single ever since being assaulted fifteen years before and emotionally scarred to a point where social anxiety and agora phobia had almost driven her to suicide when she came to me.
She made my boss call me to the lobby where we sat down and talked for two hours about what she had been through and how I was supposed to help her. She wanted me to recreate that moment, over and over, until the one moment that has defined her life ever since it happened would turn into one of many and thereby loose it's power over her life.
And this is the first motivation that drives vict1ms of sexual v1iolence into submission. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do or not, but I did it anyway. In hindsight, it was the right thing to do. By reliving that moment again and again, intentionally surrendering control and a long process of learning, she managed to distance herself from the one time that control was taken from her.
When I met her two Weeks ago to talk about this one last time, she was married and the proud mother of two boys. She said, and I quote: "The time we spent together was the best thing that ever happened to me."
The second woman was Olivia. She was... Odd. Instead of Tessa's fear, she had confidence. She was a strong woman in her mid twenties. Red hair, tattoos and piercings all over her body. One of them even vibrated when she pushed a button on her keychain.
When we first met, the attack on her lay four years back. Ever since she used the tattoos, piercings and sex to reclaim her body. As she used me. When she came in, she knew exactly what she wanted. By making me hurt her, she reclaimed her psyche. It wasn't the pain or surrendering control that helped her. Instead of being hurt helplessly, now she made someone hurt her. Her body, her mind, her decision. And through that, she overcame the last remnants of an incident that, to her, was now in the process of losing the rest of it's meaning.
Those are just two positive examples for a very complex issue. But those two were rare cases. They overcame tremendous odds and most women suffer for the rest of their lives, forever haunted by the memories of the assault. Which leads me to the other side of the medal. There is a saying: Once a vict1m, always a vict1m.
What sounds like a generalization for "women are weak" has a deeper meaning behind it. Vict1ms of a sexual assault often look for "strong", dominant men who can defend them if it's necessary. This has the downside that those men are often just as strong and dominant in the bedroom, regardless of their partners preferences.
This starts a downward spiral for her because she trends to see it as a necessary sacrifice for her safety. But every time she is dominated, her wounds just grow. But why would I tell you this?
Since you read my blog, there is a good chance that you are either interested in the bdsm lifestyle or living it. The more you're interested in it, our the longer you live it, the better you get at spotting other people with this interest. Should you see signs of what i've mentioned above with your friends, try to help. How you do that, is up to you. You know your friends best.
As you can see, bondage is capable of both helping and hurting. Like I said before, this issue is very complex and there is no one true answer. But I hope this gave you an insight into it.
I'm looking forward to your reactions and the discussion that follow.
Before I start, let me say that this is a very serious topic. I'm prepared for disagreements and I'd welcome a debate afterwards.
So... Where to begin...
You might be asking yourself what the title is referring to. Well, its about the pros and cons of bdsm for vict1ms of sexual vi0lence. Its a controversy that's been overshadowing the lifestyle practically from the start. And at some point I have to pay attention to that fact. As always, this is a blog based on experience and personal opinion and by no means a generally accepted statement.
Some people call it taking advantage of a vict1m, and in a way they are right, but it can have a very positive influence, depending on many circumstances.
First and foremost it is unbelievably important that the sub is in psychiatric care and has been for a while. Otherwise even a single session can emotionally scar the sub irreversibly. Living through the same ordeal again is something only few people can imagine without experiencing it. And yet, many vict1ms become sexually submissive, often even the most extreme pain junkies. But why is that?
I have dealt with two subs who had been rap,ed. Those two women each had their own explanation why they liked being submissive.
I have the agreement from those ladies to tell their story here.
Let's call the first one Tessa. She was in her late thirties, single ever since being assaulted fifteen years before and emotionally scarred to a point where social anxiety and agora phobia had almost driven her to suicide when she came to me.
She made my boss call me to the lobby where we sat down and talked for two hours about what she had been through and how I was supposed to help her. She wanted me to recreate that moment, over and over, until the one moment that has defined her life ever since it happened would turn into one of many and thereby loose it's power over her life.
And this is the first motivation that drives vict1ms of sexual v1iolence into submission. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do or not, but I did it anyway. In hindsight, it was the right thing to do. By reliving that moment again and again, intentionally surrendering control and a long process of learning, she managed to distance herself from the one time that control was taken from her.
When I met her two Weeks ago to talk about this one last time, she was married and the proud mother of two boys. She said, and I quote: "The time we spent together was the best thing that ever happened to me."
The second woman was Olivia. She was... Odd. Instead of Tessa's fear, she had confidence. She was a strong woman in her mid twenties. Red hair, tattoos and piercings all over her body. One of them even vibrated when she pushed a button on her keychain.
When we first met, the attack on her lay four years back. Ever since she used the tattoos, piercings and sex to reclaim her body. As she used me. When she came in, she knew exactly what she wanted. By making me hurt her, she reclaimed her psyche. It wasn't the pain or surrendering control that helped her. Instead of being hurt helplessly, now she made someone hurt her. Her body, her mind, her decision. And through that, she overcame the last remnants of an incident that, to her, was now in the process of losing the rest of it's meaning.
Those are just two positive examples for a very complex issue. But those two were rare cases. They overcame tremendous odds and most women suffer for the rest of their lives, forever haunted by the memories of the assault. Which leads me to the other side of the medal. There is a saying: Once a vict1m, always a vict1m.
What sounds like a generalization for "women are weak" has a deeper meaning behind it. Vict1ms of a sexual assault often look for "strong", dominant men who can defend them if it's necessary. This has the downside that those men are often just as strong and dominant in the bedroom, regardless of their partners preferences.
This starts a downward spiral for her because she trends to see it as a necessary sacrifice for her safety. But every time she is dominated, her wounds just grow. But why would I tell you this?
Since you read my blog, there is a good chance that you are either interested in the bdsm lifestyle or living it. The more you're interested in it, our the longer you live it, the better you get at spotting other people with this interest. Should you see signs of what i've mentioned above with your friends, try to help. How you do that, is up to you. You know your friends best.
As you can see, bondage is capable of both helping and hurting. Like I said before, this issue is very complex and there is no one true answer. But I hope this gave you an insight into it.
I'm looking forward to your reactions and the discussion that follow.
11年前
