My Top experience

So I was really horny & wanted to do something but all I found were bottoms so I decided to try out topping a guy as I always have considered myself vers & how wrong I was... I typically get a raging hard on in situations that are barely sexual, yet in a situation where I knew I was gonna have a warm place to put my dick I was completely limp. The guy jerked me & gave me a short blowjob to which I kept forcing to get hard until I did. I kept going on & on as I can but didn't feel much pleasure until I started imagining he was a girl, shortly after I busted. I asked for a condom as I didn't want to use all mine & went back in, but this time I felt there really was no pretending he was a girl & I started going limp. I got myself to stay at least 75% erect for a little while longer until I finally faked it said I was done. I know now I can only ever top a woman which is fine for me as I still don't think I could ever have a romantic relationship with a man & feel the romance of a relationship atop the intercourse is what makes it the best. I sucked a guy off & loved it, but haven't been able to get another in my mouth & the guy I first sucked stopped responding when I was busy so I'm left craving dick in my mouth & still wishing to be bottomed for the first time. I got hard really easily when blowing the guy, but have no idea what would happen if I was getting pounded & frankly don't care if I could or not, I just really want to pop my anal cherry already!