Aum
Aum is a half-mad jet-setting yoga instructor that loves to troll the blogs I frequent.
She is also very proud of her South Asian heritage, which is commendable - it's just a pity that she tends to rub other people's noses in it. She's smart. She's well-read. She's bloody irritating - I have matched wits with her quite a few times.
One of the last battles was on contraception. I was not doing very well. So how did I shut her up ?
I drank a few beers and wrote the following :
... well in that case I'm just gonna use my lips and fingers on her bum-hole until she starts begging me for anal sex ... and yes, I know this upsets you very much Aum, so if that bumhole just so happens to be yours,
I solemnly promise to 'Salaam Salaam' it as well.
Hell, I shall even recite some romantic poetry for it.
I shall even dance and jiggle-jiggle a la Elvis for it, and inhale deeply from the Bhuddist incense reverently placed near it, when that bumhole of yours finally roars its approval.
And to top it off, I shall then anoint your bum with some fragrant oily glistening stuff, which I got in the discount container located outside the entrance of Moodly's Chemical Bazaar in Marabbastad Pretoria.
It's near Weskoppies Mental Hospital you know.
And then my dearly esteemed madame Aum, I am going sprinkle lots and lots of sticky glittery sparkly thingies on your bum ... and take a picture of it.
Oh yes Aum, I am going to take a picture of your oily sparkly glittery leetle bum, and make my way to the Astronomy Department of UNISA.
And there I'm gonna bribe some ganja-smoking telescope operator into locating a galaxy that resembles that picture, and name it after your bum.
Yes my dearly esteemed Aum, somewhere in this Universe there is a galaxy floating around that's gonna be called Aumsanus.
Kapeesh ?
Now bugger off.
She is also very proud of her South Asian heritage, which is commendable - it's just a pity that she tends to rub other people's noses in it. She's smart. She's well-read. She's bloody irritating - I have matched wits with her quite a few times.
One of the last battles was on contraception. I was not doing very well. So how did I shut her up ?
I drank a few beers and wrote the following :
... well in that case I'm just gonna use my lips and fingers on her bum-hole until she starts begging me for anal sex ... and yes, I know this upsets you very much Aum, so if that bumhole just so happens to be yours,
I solemnly promise to 'Salaam Salaam' it as well.
Hell, I shall even recite some romantic poetry for it.
I shall even dance and jiggle-jiggle a la Elvis for it, and inhale deeply from the Bhuddist incense reverently placed near it, when that bumhole of yours finally roars its approval.
And to top it off, I shall then anoint your bum with some fragrant oily glistening stuff, which I got in the discount container located outside the entrance of Moodly's Chemical Bazaar in Marabbastad Pretoria.
It's near Weskoppies Mental Hospital you know.
And then my dearly esteemed madame Aum, I am going sprinkle lots and lots of sticky glittery sparkly thingies on your bum ... and take a picture of it.
Oh yes Aum, I am going to take a picture of your oily sparkly glittery leetle bum, and make my way to the Astronomy Department of UNISA.
And there I'm gonna bribe some ganja-smoking telescope operator into locating a galaxy that resembles that picture, and name it after your bum.
Yes my dearly esteemed Aum, somewhere in this Universe there is a galaxy floating around that's gonna be called Aumsanus.
Kapeesh ?
Now bugger off.
11年前
