First Anal Sex

Since I could remember, I have been fascinated with sex. Touched as a young girl, and raised in religion, I had issues with my sexuality. As I grew older, I researched sexuality and began my sensual journey with myself. Since balancing my sexuality and spiritual journey I realized that they are both on the same spectrum. Creativity and sexuality sit in the same space of your body, in the female, the womb.
It was an intense experience in which I would just have to trust….trust my breathing to take me over the threshold of pain, trust that he would listen to my requests (slow down, go deeper, less friction, take it OUT!) I was too scared and that’s what made it more painful. I was fighting it (the pleasure and the pain).
But, those moments when he would go deep and I would relax… those were the moments where I experienced bliss…
What can surrendering to physical pain teach you about life? I found that the deeper into the trenches I got into the pain, I got in touch with a pure essence of myself. (This also happened one night when we were together and I was experiencing hellish cramps.) I didn’t know that part of me was ever there, always there, just waiting for me to get to it’s soft center.
Breathing was important. And I think it’s the same when trials and tribulations and the emotions around them feel that they’re trying to rip you apart. I almost had to find this silly part of myself to deal with the pain, because even if I took breathing too seriously, I ended up wanting to push him out. (He even said that I would say stop while simultaneously backing it up on him. I found this funny because it shows how the body often betrays the mind.)
The pleasure of anal is a deep pleasure
It has to be, because it simply doesn’t feel good unless it’s deep. The fact that the pleasure overrides the pain and I end up begging for more of what I initially resisted is just utterly ridiculous, and I laugh at myself. This is the silly part.
Support is definitely key. My partner’s kissing me on my back, neck, and shoulders was totally divine. His talking to me and laughing with me, telling me that it will feel better soon… It was such a mirror as to how we can be outside of this sexual experience.
Because it felt good, I now feel even better about trusting him