What changed me. #3

Here I was, confused, tired and really if I was looking at someone else I would say they were in no fit state to be alone, but shit, it was me and when you are the subject of these situations you rarely cast a rational observation or thought on what you are doing. The self absorption is total and consuming. But walking alone for hours, you don't feel the hour pass. I cried so many times, did I do the right thing, should I go back to my ass-hole husband, f**k f**k f**k is all I could here in my head, why me why me. I was the good wife, what did i do wrong and in the end, I did stop blaming me. Some rational thought began to seep into the Gray matter. It was a simple as this. S*it Happens, even to good people and I was unfortunate to be at the receiving end, so I had to pick my sorry ass up and carry on, without my philandering other half I need say. I came from nothing and made it to the big pay leagues and here I am again with nothing. I have would in every crap job and I have no fear of work, so I will just start over. Time flies and already the early golden glows of early morning sun was beginning to break the darkness that seemed to be permanently permeated by the glow of artificial street lighting. This was my dawn, yes MY DAWN, A New Dawn, A new start that only I would have a say in its failure or success. I was in Soho, London's land of secret pleasures, with its strip clubs and other seedy establishments I came across a nice tattoo shop, this was the start point for my change, but not a tattoo, just the start of my piercing, no more miss perfect. It was an eventful 43 minutes. First I got my other side of my nose pierced, then the side I had done when I was 12 I got in a second there and then the moment of truth, my sanctuary of womanhood, my vaginal hold, my pussy, the place for so long i kept secret for just one other, a nice guy called just plain Jim was ramming a needle through my hood and inserting a 2mm metal bar. Looked good except for the tiniest line of pubic hair I neatly maintain there, but thats gone now too. Oh hell, what did I just do, it was the first signs of the new rebellious me. Maybe it was always there, but these first green shoots on my brown and broken dead bark was delivering new life into this almost dead tree that was me. So out into the morning sunshine I ventured, my dawn was gone, but the day was still just beginning.