What is it all about then?

All my adult life I've kept wondering why sexuality has always played such an important role. What kept me going were such things like a lovely smell, a neat picture, etc. Yes, sensuality and intellect have always been top of my list of desires. I like intelligent conversations, sensual settings, caring emotions, sensual beings. One of my earliest sensual experience was as a teenager when my mom's eldest sister came to visit us like always. Not only was she more intelligent than my mom, but she also had a very wicked side to her. As a crazy youngster I just adored the feel of nylon against smooth soft flesh, and one day I just couldn't resist touching my aunt's lower legs underneath the table whilst she sat at the same table enduring one of my mom's family stories. It was nice of my aunt not to cause a scene, but she sure let the game play out a little too long. No doubt, more actually happened then than really should have. However, older and wiser now, I can look back on it as just the fait divers it really was. Things happen of themself, not that they are right, they just happen and the youngster shouldn't keep feeling rotten forever in her- or himself. Anyhow, as a student I was still under the spell of the experience and did let something small become oh so dominant. I needed a shock and it came from an unexpected corner. After I published a little advert asking around for snailmail penpals I got various respondses. Some were from sad, sad men, but I was very cynical from the start. Funny enough, I actually wrote back in answer to replies asking for anything sexual, exchange of photographs and all that. I got more than my measure though from a woman who was so very open about her sexuality in her letters. Stay sexy, she always ended her letters with. I must say that she really reached my heart. Yes, I had more than a little cruch for that Canadian lady. But luckily she didn't let the game play out too long and we parted in peace. It changed my worldview though for she was both nice and wicked at the same time. Unlike my aunt was. And trying to find love, let alone true love can be so cruel on a person too, I know now. Past the experience of years of letterwriting as a student to my Canadian ladyfriend I think that I was more balanced at the end of it. Nothing can keep the hurt away though when loves turns bad. A few months into my first job I knew that I needed to master the magical art of the internet, so I gave it all a try. Even chatting, and then it happened anew. I fell in love slowly but steadily, but it all fell apart after only six months exactly. It was just awfull because she was my very first true love. Was the breakup my fault, was the question I again and again posed myself. Without going into the detail of the affaire I had finally to convince myself anew that the person with the most experience leads and is in charge. No fault should be sticking to the person who's new in the game, never such a crushing guilt that I experienced for a very long time. Well, this was my story. Yes, it's somewhat cut short but hopefully it's still interesting enough to create some debate. I'd love to read your reactions and any simular stories.