My Sexuality/Gender
I feel lately like I want to explain my gender and sexuality to someone, or at least somewhere. This may be the best place since this site is all about sex and anyone reading this probably likes what I have going on. :-) Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, I figure!
So let's start with the simple part, obvious to anyone that's seen my photos, and move to more detailed and harder to know parts of me.
I'm physically a man, clearly. If the definition of the most basic biological gender is what is between one's legs, I was born and am still a man, and there's a good 7" between my legs that proves it.
Before you wonder, I am not interested in transitioning biological genders. I am biologically a male and while I feel I would not have been unhappy as a female, and while I have fantasized about otherwise (especially in fantasies where things like the TF Gun from El Goonish Shive exist) I am completely happy being biologically male and haven't any significant desire to change that. And yes I've thought of it seriously.
Next most obvious I guess is my gender expression that you see, how I present myself to the world. Excepting around certain groups of people I have reached a very stable and consistent point with this. In that, I am inconsistent, in a way. You could say I am rapidly gender fluid or perhaps better that I am gender non-conforming. I have slowly come to learn since I was 20 that not only are feminine looks, accessories, clothing options, etc. not as silly as I thought, but that I like them. In some cases more than masculine ones. To a large extent it's from choice, there are SO many options with clothing and appearance related items generally marketed towards women and many fewer for men. Granted the men's options are more comfortable and simple for the most part...
I find I like those feminine options quite a lot, but I do still like the simplicity of masculine options, and I switch them up almost evenly, perhaps leaning more towards feminine. I really enjoy having painted nails, some eye makeup, and lipstick; but there's no way I could go to the effort of full makeup! I love skirts and pants equally I think, but I really like with pants having options of wide leg, flared, skinny, leggings, straight leg, etc. I only in the last year started to play with widely different style tops, and found I like that too, but I sometimes can't beat a simple tee or a men's button down (large and tall men's button downs are PERFECT over a pair of leggings with boots in the fall!) But I also wear corset tops, bustiers, scoop necks, sheer tops, all of it for the most part. I very much love heels, and I can wear 5" heels without platform, with no problem. Often women I work with ask me how I manage such tall heels and I just can't give any reason, I just can. I don't need the height, I'm just over 6' tall, but I do love how heels feel and look. I have on 5" platform wedges at the moment, in fact.
If you were to be well enough on my trusted side to get my pinterest site address (it shows my face, which I won't do here for the most part) I think you'd see I dress all over the map, pretty much at some point wearing every possible option. Because I like options. A lot, apparently.
To be honest I want to sum it up simply as this. People are gendered, people have biological sexes. Clothing, accessories, makeup, and all other related items do not. They're things, not biological. There is nothing other than a label added by our society that says a skirt is for women and pants are for men and women, that a pair of jeans is for men or women specifically, or that stockings are for women not men, or that a tie is for men only unless worn by a woman who wants to add to her masculinity in a grab for respect or in a playful manner. Societies other than ours traditionally have differing thoughts on the gendering of clothes anyway, and even our society had different thoughts on it in the past. There is nothing that says how commercials state it is right now in our society is how it must be. If we all questioned that, we'd have much more flexibility. Maybe you're a guy and don't want to wear makeup, ok, you don't have to. But then why should you think women have to or that other men can't? No good reason, just how you're told it is? Then I wonder why we perpetuate that.
Next up seems to be my sexuality, who I am attracted to, who I will lust for or sleep with or just hook up with for some quick oral, or whatever. lol. This is a bit more complex. I like sex so far, well, in theory. I haven't gotten nearly as much as I want.
Starting with what I do myself, since that's where most of us start out ;-) I very much enjoy masturbation by jerking off, I play with my nipples while doing it even though they're tiny. Sometimes I get the urge to engage in anal play, and do, though it usually feels really bleh afterwards. Not enough lube I guess. I have in the past almost fit my whole fish in my ass. Sometimes I get the desire to jerk off up against a wall and give myself a facial ;-) and that feels so good. And rarely about once a year I feel a strong desire to indulge in watersports, drinking water until I can't hold more, drinking more, and making a mess of myself, or filling a cup and taking a few sips (oddly, if you haven't eaten/drank the wrong things it doesn't taste terrible sometimes.) That is rare and haven't indulged in that with anyone else ever.
With respect to sexual attraction, I can say I'm not gay. I know many mistake y wearing dresses for gay, they are not the same. Clothing doesn't make one gay, wanting and desiring homosexual relationships only, that makes one gay. I have thought about it and tried to see how I felt and while I have no problem with homosexuality (clearly!) I am confident, that's not me. I would say I'm partly or mostly bisexual. I look at women and find them very hot, and if I let myself think that way I will want to sleep with them. I look at men and they don't turn me on like that so much, though that's likely my brain trying to make me not indulge in homosexual fantasies as much, since many would be put off by that. A little flirting with a cute girl is usually ok or brushed off, accidentally flirting with a guy tends to go badly. But when I let myself think sexually, I do like thinking of being with men. Which now I'm thinking of and I'm distracted, great. I like oral sex with both equally, though there is something satisfying about a big cock in my mouth, to be sure. I do like to swallow, about as much as I like to get a good face covering ;-) and yes, I am ok with having to be in public afterwards... Well, I am an exhibitionist in a way, I think. I enjoy sex with women quite a bit, though I haven't been with that many of them yet, sadly. With men is a bit more trouble since anal is more work and most quick hook-ups aren't interested in doing it right. And not done right, well, I'm tight enough it's hard to force your way in without lots of lube... and I don't like trying to give rushed anal either, just isn't my thing. In fact I'm not so sure I even like anal sex given I've only had one good experience that made me feel great, and the rest went poorly, I think it's best saved for when there's time and trust and communication. Beyond that, anyway, the more turned on I get the more open I am with both men and women. So if you turn me on I'll start opening up sexually more. At that point I'm definitely 100% bisexual and will have oral, anal, and of course vaginal (with a woman only, by definition, lol) sex without trouble.
After sexual desire I think I should say what my romantic desires are. And sorry guys, but when it comes to romance and love I only get feelings for women. I'm just attracted to them romantically far more, I easily can feel "I want to stay with this woman forever" while I just don't feel that about men. The only relationships or long term relationships I have with men are repeat hook-ups and FWB type situations, or a relationship with a man because I'm in a FWB relationship with a MF couple.
Almost done :-)
I want to talk about the pronouns and words people use for me. Most everyone, and everyone I work with (except an Indian contractor a customer uses recently, who calls my milady) uses masculine terms for me since I am biologically male and that's how they see me. Honestly I wonder if some of them don't even register the dresses and makeup, that their brain blocks it out. I don't know, and I don't really mind. I talk clothes and makeup and shoes with women at work but if people sometimes don't even realize I look different from average, that's fine.
Some people I have had sex with called me she/her/etc. using women's terms. I was with a couple once where the woman called me masculine terms and the man called me feminine terms since I was fulfilling both roles for them, being her male lover and his female lover, and it was fun. I liked that, I got a thrill acknowledging both sides of how I present myself. I admit I feel, I don't know the word I almost want to use unworthy or undeserving, of female pronouns and terms. I don't have a vagina, I don't deal with periods or the immense social issues that hold down women. I haven't gotten where I have despite being a woman, I got where I am while being a man, and that almost makes me feel that while I borrow from women, that I have no right to their pronouns. So please, if you feel it's wrong for men to abscond with women's wording, I apologize, I like it but I know I may not deserve it, if you have a problem with it, feel free to refuse to use female pronouns for me.
Otherwise, unless there are personal reasons someone may have, I am perfectly happy being called girl, guy, man, woman, he, she, her, etc. In spanish you can use words with an o or an a on the end :-) I in heart and brain follow both feminine and masculine, so I don't have a problem with others acknowledging that and calling me what you want, either masculine or feminine terms.
I don't like the usage of they, them, their for me. I don't have multiple personalities, I'm just gender non-conforming and fairly bisexual.
The other terms people are making up, like ze and such, ok if you want to use them for me, that is fine. I don't know them all, or get them :-/ but I understand the desire behind making those words and I respect them and I am happy for the respect that is clear from people using such terms for me.
What I don't like is being called it, I find that an offensive word to use on a person. I have seen people use that word for another human in such a tone that it implied sub-humantiy, and that is the mindset that allows hate crimes, human rights violations, and genocide. Do not call me it, I simply find it more offensive than any of the insulting terms that people throw at others when talking dirty.
So in short, please, call me he or she, whichever you feel you want to use. I like both.
Last I guess is my mental gender identity, which I bet if you got this far you probably already understand.
I am slightly more man than woman, mentally. I let myself be feminine and I like it and embrace it, but it doesn't control all of my life. I enjoy looking cute, but still being able to do wood work, welding, go camping, etc. Pretty much take some of the things the average woman is interested in that the average man is not interested in, add them to an average man, remove a fear of homosexuality that most men have these days, add a happiness with being cute, and that's me? A maybe more flexible (?) guy that has borrowed as much as I could from women. Some of both the good and the bad, I'm sure. One term some use might be gender-queer, I'm not so sure. I'm not all man or all woman mentally, I am a mix of both. And I think that makes me happy.
So, that is me. Or rather my gender and sexuality. To an extent. I hope someone reads it, understands, or likes it, or can understand me a bit more, or maybe it makes someone think about themselves, whatever. I know writing this made me feel better, made me feel more like I own the fact I am not average. I am not sad at being not average, though. What I am is the result of a significant amount of thought, and figuring how I feel, and searching what I want, learning by trial and error, and being open to new ideas that may be mildly counter to what our society pushes through the media.
So, I have delved deep to understand myself, and I came to these conclusions. They are me and I like them. :-)
I hope more people can do the same and come to accept and enjoy the honest conclusions they reach, and accept the conclusions of others. Then maybe things will get better for all of us. :-)
So let's start with the simple part, obvious to anyone that's seen my photos, and move to more detailed and harder to know parts of me.
I'm physically a man, clearly. If the definition of the most basic biological gender is what is between one's legs, I was born and am still a man, and there's a good 7" between my legs that proves it.
Before you wonder, I am not interested in transitioning biological genders. I am biologically a male and while I feel I would not have been unhappy as a female, and while I have fantasized about otherwise (especially in fantasies where things like the TF Gun from El Goonish Shive exist) I am completely happy being biologically male and haven't any significant desire to change that. And yes I've thought of it seriously.
Next most obvious I guess is my gender expression that you see, how I present myself to the world. Excepting around certain groups of people I have reached a very stable and consistent point with this. In that, I am inconsistent, in a way. You could say I am rapidly gender fluid or perhaps better that I am gender non-conforming. I have slowly come to learn since I was 20 that not only are feminine looks, accessories, clothing options, etc. not as silly as I thought, but that I like them. In some cases more than masculine ones. To a large extent it's from choice, there are SO many options with clothing and appearance related items generally marketed towards women and many fewer for men. Granted the men's options are more comfortable and simple for the most part...
I find I like those feminine options quite a lot, but I do still like the simplicity of masculine options, and I switch them up almost evenly, perhaps leaning more towards feminine. I really enjoy having painted nails, some eye makeup, and lipstick; but there's no way I could go to the effort of full makeup! I love skirts and pants equally I think, but I really like with pants having options of wide leg, flared, skinny, leggings, straight leg, etc. I only in the last year started to play with widely different style tops, and found I like that too, but I sometimes can't beat a simple tee or a men's button down (large and tall men's button downs are PERFECT over a pair of leggings with boots in the fall!) But I also wear corset tops, bustiers, scoop necks, sheer tops, all of it for the most part. I very much love heels, and I can wear 5" heels without platform, with no problem. Often women I work with ask me how I manage such tall heels and I just can't give any reason, I just can. I don't need the height, I'm just over 6' tall, but I do love how heels feel and look. I have on 5" platform wedges at the moment, in fact.
If you were to be well enough on my trusted side to get my pinterest site address (it shows my face, which I won't do here for the most part) I think you'd see I dress all over the map, pretty much at some point wearing every possible option. Because I like options. A lot, apparently.
To be honest I want to sum it up simply as this. People are gendered, people have biological sexes. Clothing, accessories, makeup, and all other related items do not. They're things, not biological. There is nothing other than a label added by our society that says a skirt is for women and pants are for men and women, that a pair of jeans is for men or women specifically, or that stockings are for women not men, or that a tie is for men only unless worn by a woman who wants to add to her masculinity in a grab for respect or in a playful manner. Societies other than ours traditionally have differing thoughts on the gendering of clothes anyway, and even our society had different thoughts on it in the past. There is nothing that says how commercials state it is right now in our society is how it must be. If we all questioned that, we'd have much more flexibility. Maybe you're a guy and don't want to wear makeup, ok, you don't have to. But then why should you think women have to or that other men can't? No good reason, just how you're told it is? Then I wonder why we perpetuate that.
Next up seems to be my sexuality, who I am attracted to, who I will lust for or sleep with or just hook up with for some quick oral, or whatever. lol. This is a bit more complex. I like sex so far, well, in theory. I haven't gotten nearly as much as I want.
Starting with what I do myself, since that's where most of us start out ;-) I very much enjoy masturbation by jerking off, I play with my nipples while doing it even though they're tiny. Sometimes I get the urge to engage in anal play, and do, though it usually feels really bleh afterwards. Not enough lube I guess. I have in the past almost fit my whole fish in my ass. Sometimes I get the desire to jerk off up against a wall and give myself a facial ;-) and that feels so good. And rarely about once a year I feel a strong desire to indulge in watersports, drinking water until I can't hold more, drinking more, and making a mess of myself, or filling a cup and taking a few sips (oddly, if you haven't eaten/drank the wrong things it doesn't taste terrible sometimes.) That is rare and haven't indulged in that with anyone else ever.
With respect to sexual attraction, I can say I'm not gay. I know many mistake y wearing dresses for gay, they are not the same. Clothing doesn't make one gay, wanting and desiring homosexual relationships only, that makes one gay. I have thought about it and tried to see how I felt and while I have no problem with homosexuality (clearly!) I am confident, that's not me. I would say I'm partly or mostly bisexual. I look at women and find them very hot, and if I let myself think that way I will want to sleep with them. I look at men and they don't turn me on like that so much, though that's likely my brain trying to make me not indulge in homosexual fantasies as much, since many would be put off by that. A little flirting with a cute girl is usually ok or brushed off, accidentally flirting with a guy tends to go badly. But when I let myself think sexually, I do like thinking of being with men. Which now I'm thinking of and I'm distracted, great. I like oral sex with both equally, though there is something satisfying about a big cock in my mouth, to be sure. I do like to swallow, about as much as I like to get a good face covering ;-) and yes, I am ok with having to be in public afterwards... Well, I am an exhibitionist in a way, I think. I enjoy sex with women quite a bit, though I haven't been with that many of them yet, sadly. With men is a bit more trouble since anal is more work and most quick hook-ups aren't interested in doing it right. And not done right, well, I'm tight enough it's hard to force your way in without lots of lube... and I don't like trying to give rushed anal either, just isn't my thing. In fact I'm not so sure I even like anal sex given I've only had one good experience that made me feel great, and the rest went poorly, I think it's best saved for when there's time and trust and communication. Beyond that, anyway, the more turned on I get the more open I am with both men and women. So if you turn me on I'll start opening up sexually more. At that point I'm definitely 100% bisexual and will have oral, anal, and of course vaginal (with a woman only, by definition, lol) sex without trouble.
After sexual desire I think I should say what my romantic desires are. And sorry guys, but when it comes to romance and love I only get feelings for women. I'm just attracted to them romantically far more, I easily can feel "I want to stay with this woman forever" while I just don't feel that about men. The only relationships or long term relationships I have with men are repeat hook-ups and FWB type situations, or a relationship with a man because I'm in a FWB relationship with a MF couple.
Almost done :-)
I want to talk about the pronouns and words people use for me. Most everyone, and everyone I work with (except an Indian contractor a customer uses recently, who calls my milady) uses masculine terms for me since I am biologically male and that's how they see me. Honestly I wonder if some of them don't even register the dresses and makeup, that their brain blocks it out. I don't know, and I don't really mind. I talk clothes and makeup and shoes with women at work but if people sometimes don't even realize I look different from average, that's fine.
Some people I have had sex with called me she/her/etc. using women's terms. I was with a couple once where the woman called me masculine terms and the man called me feminine terms since I was fulfilling both roles for them, being her male lover and his female lover, and it was fun. I liked that, I got a thrill acknowledging both sides of how I present myself. I admit I feel, I don't know the word I almost want to use unworthy or undeserving, of female pronouns and terms. I don't have a vagina, I don't deal with periods or the immense social issues that hold down women. I haven't gotten where I have despite being a woman, I got where I am while being a man, and that almost makes me feel that while I borrow from women, that I have no right to their pronouns. So please, if you feel it's wrong for men to abscond with women's wording, I apologize, I like it but I know I may not deserve it, if you have a problem with it, feel free to refuse to use female pronouns for me.
Otherwise, unless there are personal reasons someone may have, I am perfectly happy being called girl, guy, man, woman, he, she, her, etc. In spanish you can use words with an o or an a on the end :-) I in heart and brain follow both feminine and masculine, so I don't have a problem with others acknowledging that and calling me what you want, either masculine or feminine terms.
I don't like the usage of they, them, their for me. I don't have multiple personalities, I'm just gender non-conforming and fairly bisexual.
The other terms people are making up, like ze and such, ok if you want to use them for me, that is fine. I don't know them all, or get them :-/ but I understand the desire behind making those words and I respect them and I am happy for the respect that is clear from people using such terms for me.
What I don't like is being called it, I find that an offensive word to use on a person. I have seen people use that word for another human in such a tone that it implied sub-humantiy, and that is the mindset that allows hate crimes, human rights violations, and genocide. Do not call me it, I simply find it more offensive than any of the insulting terms that people throw at others when talking dirty.
So in short, please, call me he or she, whichever you feel you want to use. I like both.
Last I guess is my mental gender identity, which I bet if you got this far you probably already understand.
I am slightly more man than woman, mentally. I let myself be feminine and I like it and embrace it, but it doesn't control all of my life. I enjoy looking cute, but still being able to do wood work, welding, go camping, etc. Pretty much take some of the things the average woman is interested in that the average man is not interested in, add them to an average man, remove a fear of homosexuality that most men have these days, add a happiness with being cute, and that's me? A maybe more flexible (?) guy that has borrowed as much as I could from women. Some of both the good and the bad, I'm sure. One term some use might be gender-queer, I'm not so sure. I'm not all man or all woman mentally, I am a mix of both. And I think that makes me happy.
So, that is me. Or rather my gender and sexuality. To an extent. I hope someone reads it, understands, or likes it, or can understand me a bit more, or maybe it makes someone think about themselves, whatever. I know writing this made me feel better, made me feel more like I own the fact I am not average. I am not sad at being not average, though. What I am is the result of a significant amount of thought, and figuring how I feel, and searching what I want, learning by trial and error, and being open to new ideas that may be mildly counter to what our society pushes through the media.
So, I have delved deep to understand myself, and I came to these conclusions. They are me and I like them. :-)
I hope more people can do the same and come to accept and enjoy the honest conclusions they reach, and accept the conclusions of others. Then maybe things will get better for all of us. :-)
10年前
