DM Jokes 4

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.

They asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them,

but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

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Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her
tummy and say "congratulations"

but none of them rub your díck and say "well done"?

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Honestly some folk will take offence at anything.

I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I
asked was

"How are you getting on?"


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My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw.

It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking
on the patio.

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Séx ther****t claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to
spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bóllocks!!

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Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Pórn channel in my
room disabled?"

"No," she replies "it's just regular pórn, you sick bástard."

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A mate of mine has just told me he's shágging his girlfriend and her twin.

I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a
moustache!"

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A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.

"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.

"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bástard and Marge is a skinny bird with big
blue hair."