It's done, it's all behine me
I'm in a bit of a daze lately. I finally have my GRS (sex change) behind me and am stuck on my back for the massive recovery period which has me in bed for 80% or more of my day. The recovery period kind of serves double duty as my entire state of mind seems to be changing. It is starting to hit me that I no longer have to tolerate the abuse from my roommates which I only tolerated so that I wouldn't have a conflict which could hurt my living situation which in turn could have derailed/delayed my surgery. I no longer have to worry about my identification giving me away displaying 'M' instead of 'F' when applying for employment, thus subjecting me to consistent prejudice and almost guaranteed rejection. I also no longer fear the creation of purely hateful bigot laws that my brothers and sisters in the USA are having to deal with, all because a small few are hateful enough to organize while the bulk of the population has become too complacent and lazy to do anything about it. It seems this surgery, this massive turning point in my life has not put this all behind me but rather hidden me from it (with the exception of my sorry excuse for human being roommates sadly).
I find it hard to consider myself lucky after the life I've led which would have this once greatly physically abused ********** (now girl) leave her home of 37 years in the east coast of Canada, conned out of tens of thousands of dollars by her family once they found out she was a transsexual, had many of the new acquaintances I would make in Toronto take advantage of my broken mental state to take even more from me, leaving me nearly homeless twice, jumping through government hoops to get GRS approval, going days without eating on more days than I would care to admit, enduring a greater amount of bigotry at the beginning of my transition as a gal like me is not as passable when first starting out, and now in an almost crippled state as I recover from two major surgeries while being penniless and wondering where I will find the money to pay for my next grocery order and medication. But you know what?... I am lucky... I'm very lucky. I know the problem that many trans men and women like myself face just to get to this point. I was fortunate enough to land in a Canadian province that pays for both the top and bottom surgeries, as well as a physician and psychologist who were both there for me every time I've needed them. I have been blessed with looks that some would spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to have (I'm not trying to be egotistical but I'm not blind), my body is fit and healthy, I've made some good friends offline and online, and... oh yeah, did I mention this massive surgery is now behind me?...
I could disappear into my life as a female now with no one being the wiser that I was not born a female, but to quote the Dixie Chicks... I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down. I should not have had to endure a single step of this abuse, bigotry, theft, or hatred. The fact that my trans brothers and sisters will still have to endure it after me enrages me. This is a road we need to pave and crush the bigots and haters under the asphalt along the way if they continue to let their insane beliefs stand in our way or harm us. The Brassard Clinic in Montreal where I had my sex change surgeries just a week before was recently attacked by an arsonist. The evil person who did it has not been caught but failed at destroying the clinic which still suffered major damages and forced the cancellation of these essential surgeries for men and women like myself who have been waiting for years to have them completed. I will refrain from saying what I think of this person and just state that I hope they catch this sick bigot soon and bring him to justice. To those affected by this act of cowardice and hatred, you have my deepest sympathies.
So here I am now, writing a rambling blog post for my ever entertaining friends on this somewhat perverse yet supporting website. The attention I get from you all makes me happy, I appreciate it, and it has been something which has gotten me by at times. I find myself now forced to choose a new direction in my life and I have only my recovery time to make this decision. The goals which have kept me going have been achieved, what do I strive towards now? What are my new goals? What will be my strength the next time my life goes in the toilet? "Ugh, Kristi... shut up with your first world problems" :-P
(PS. Thank you my friends for all your support along the way, I will never forget it)
I find it hard to consider myself lucky after the life I've led which would have this once greatly physically abused ********** (now girl) leave her home of 37 years in the east coast of Canada, conned out of tens of thousands of dollars by her family once they found out she was a transsexual, had many of the new acquaintances I would make in Toronto take advantage of my broken mental state to take even more from me, leaving me nearly homeless twice, jumping through government hoops to get GRS approval, going days without eating on more days than I would care to admit, enduring a greater amount of bigotry at the beginning of my transition as a gal like me is not as passable when first starting out, and now in an almost crippled state as I recover from two major surgeries while being penniless and wondering where I will find the money to pay for my next grocery order and medication. But you know what?... I am lucky... I'm very lucky. I know the problem that many trans men and women like myself face just to get to this point. I was fortunate enough to land in a Canadian province that pays for both the top and bottom surgeries, as well as a physician and psychologist who were both there for me every time I've needed them. I have been blessed with looks that some would spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to have (I'm not trying to be egotistical but I'm not blind), my body is fit and healthy, I've made some good friends offline and online, and... oh yeah, did I mention this massive surgery is now behind me?...
I could disappear into my life as a female now with no one being the wiser that I was not born a female, but to quote the Dixie Chicks... I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down. I should not have had to endure a single step of this abuse, bigotry, theft, or hatred. The fact that my trans brothers and sisters will still have to endure it after me enrages me. This is a road we need to pave and crush the bigots and haters under the asphalt along the way if they continue to let their insane beliefs stand in our way or harm us. The Brassard Clinic in Montreal where I had my sex change surgeries just a week before was recently attacked by an arsonist. The evil person who did it has not been caught but failed at destroying the clinic which still suffered major damages and forced the cancellation of these essential surgeries for men and women like myself who have been waiting for years to have them completed. I will refrain from saying what I think of this person and just state that I hope they catch this sick bigot soon and bring him to justice. To those affected by this act of cowardice and hatred, you have my deepest sympathies.
So here I am now, writing a rambling blog post for my ever entertaining friends on this somewhat perverse yet supporting website. The attention I get from you all makes me happy, I appreciate it, and it has been something which has gotten me by at times. I find myself now forced to choose a new direction in my life and I have only my recovery time to make this decision. The goals which have kept me going have been achieved, what do I strive towards now? What are my new goals? What will be my strength the next time my life goes in the toilet? "Ugh, Kristi... shut up with your first world problems" :-P
(PS. Thank you my friends for all your support along the way, I will never forget it)
9年前
