I'm only gay until I cum! Can anyone relate?

It started as a k**. Some friends and I were playing around in my neighborhood and found some dirty magazines. Some were straight some were gay magazines. I pretended to be discussed by the gay ones but I remember being extremely excited about what I saw and my curiosity really peeked. So, later I returned to the garaged where we found the magazines and stole the gay ones. I hid in my basement under the stairs looking at bubble butt men and hairy assholes. I felt extremely horny and was ready to blow my first load looking a gay men. I remember my cock was leaking precum so I pinched the tip of precum off of my cock and wiped it on my asshole. The feeling was so amazing my cock instantly leaked more as I fingered my virgin asshole. I wanted to be sandwiched in between two bears. I fantasized about fucking a bear in the ass and being fucked up my ass. The feeling was so intense I blew my hardest load ever. I remember my prostate becoming very contracted and hard which made me shove another finger up my ass and push real hard on my contracted prostate. I believe I had an anal orgasm because the force made me start cumming without really jerking my cock much. The amount of cum was enormous double the amount of a regular playboy magazine jerk. However, instantly as I came I felt nasty and shameful. I went from wanting to have the gayest sex ever, to feeling like it was wrong. This started a whole new sexual desire for me. As the years went by my masturbation became more and more intense. I started looking for objects around the house and outside to stick up my ass. Anything that looking like it wouldn't hurt was fair game up my ass. Still a virgin I was ready to experience the real thing gay or straight. But my first experience was with a younger friend. Without a lot of detail I started socking his cock behind a hardware store. I tried to fuck him in the ass but his asshole was too tight and he complained of pain. So i would pump his but cheeks until I came. Nevertheless, i finally lost my virginity and lived as a straight man. To counter my desires I fuck women in the ass and dildo fuck myself when they are not around. Oh yeah! I learned how to self suck and swallow. There's no better feeling then having a big black dildo up your ass with your own dick in your mouth sucking for that reward. I would say I'm sexual gay but I'm not attracted to men. I never look at a guy and say I'd like to fuck him unless he have a very fat juicy ass.