Coming out as a sissy

Such a cliche. My mother wanted a daughter. She already had a son. I was a 'miraculous' birth - couldn't wait to get out. Rushing to embrace the world. Then finding that the world wasn't quite so crazy about meeting me. When I told her I am gay she said, 'you were always different from the moment you were born'. I was a sissy from the beginning. I wanted dolls. Tiny china tea services. As I grew older, I played only with girls, loved only girly games, spent all my time with girls. The bullying started when I was about eight. The name calling, the thumps and blows. I endured a few years of that, simply not understanding why it was happening.

Despite this, I went on playing with the girls. Hopskotch, wall flowers (a singing game with very girly dance movements).

But the bullying increased in intensity and I saw the only way out as trying to conform to male gender conditioning.

At grammar school, with no girls to play with, I decided to butch up. The bullying stopped. I played rugby and hated it but saw it as a way of conforming. At 12 I began to masturbate but always to the idea of dominant males. I began to believe that the only way they would even consider me as a sexual partner would be if I appeared to be female. So I started to wear my mother's clothes and soon began to love girdles and suspender belts and stockings. Best of all was her wedding dress...I saw myself as a bride to a commanding uniformed guy and this remained my ideal for years.

I was quite innocent about all this until I reached an age where I began to wonder what was happening to me. I started to read the dictionary definitions. As a result I ran away from it all. forced myself to stop dressing, tried to date girls (disaster).

University...had a girlfriend. Wild about one another but never even tried to have sex. A guy seduced me, fucked me and suddenly I thought 'this is who I am!'

I had an unusual interest in transvestites and transsexuals, reading every book going but I was in denial and just saw myself as a passive gay guy. I totally repressed any inclination to wear female clothing. I got into the leather scene as a gay man. But always submissive. Submission became my focus. I endured a lot of sessions I really didn't like. I was whipped and beaten and my stoicism saw me through. But I did learn to be a good sub/slave.

The internet came along. I was in on it early! Before www. But always as gay guy. Until a straight guy somehow got in touch and began to talk about feminisation. And I was totally hooked. At first it was just cyber but even that freed me up, allowing my need to be a submissive sissy a lot of play. I was living in London at the time and he in Surrey so I drove to meet him. He had loads of gear as he liked to dress too. But he focused on me and dressed me, put makeup on me (very crudely), strapped me to a St Andrew cross and verbally abused me as a submissive sissy. I had the most intense orgasm of my life. I saw a lot of him and he dressed me and dominated me.

So I thought I must get some clothes of my own. I went to 'transformation' I London and got stuff I still have today. From the beginning I loved corsets - they provide a feeling of being in permanent bondage.

At first I only wanted to be a feminised male. No wig, no makeup. I got to know a Scots guy who, having heard my story said, 'the ************ is who you really are'. He gave me my female name, encouraged me every step I took, and little by little I became Nancy. I'm becoming Nancy more and more. I'm more Nancy than David. Spend more time as Nancy than as David.