I fear my next sexual encounter

My confidence is absolutely shot. My last three sexual encounters have been a disaster. First I met my new TS lover for some fun. We were making out and I had trouble getting erect. I loved kissing and touching her, but my penis did not react. Nothing. She began to manually stimulate my soft little cock as I did stroked her hardening penis. She is about 7 inches and pretty thick. I'm 5 inches and very slender. Anyway, as her big beautiful hands coaxed my little penis to attention I felt that uncontrollable urge to climax. I stopped her from rubbing me and tried to hold back. Obviously this was in vain as we all know and I busted my nut all over her bed. I was mortified. As my penis deflated, I stroked her to erection and sucked her thick cock, allowing her to cum in my mouth. I apologized to her for my performance and left.

Next time was with my wife a few days later. Again I had trouble getting erect. I penetrated her semi erect and pumped my load inside her in about a minute and a half. Fortunately for her she was so horny ( we don't fuck much and she never masturbates) she was was cumming a few seconds after me.

So I went to my doctor to get checked. I'm fine, a little prostate enlargement, nothing unusual for a 50 year old. Nothing that should be a problem for a healthy man, which he seemed me. No medication given. Obviously I am a head case.

So back to my TS lover for a second try. Wonderful making out again, love kissing her but again no penile reaction. She takes my cock out and sucks me soft. After about 30 seconds, she hits that spot on the underside of my cock head and I feel that sickeningly sweet sensation of orgasm. Briefly I think to myself "oh no I'm gonna cum" and before my thought is complete my soft cock is spewing its load in her mouth! She Snickers and comments "mmmmmm, lunch!". I am so embarrassed that I quickly dress and leave. She no longer answers my messages.

I feel like such a loser now. I can't get hard with a partner, and I am ejaculating so fast, what's the point. I decided to myself I don't want to have sex again. The first 10 days were no problem. No porn very little thoughts about women. The past 4 days I have been getting horny and I am looking at porn again. I am letting myself get hard and teasing myself, but I have not cum in 15 days.

It only a matter of time before my wife gets her urge to have sex. She only wants it once a month and I don't know what's going to happen. I want to please her orally, but I am afraid what it will be like if she wants penetration. It's going to happen and my confidence is shot. I will fail. The more I worry about it the worse it will get. I know that, but I can't help it.

As someone who likes to wear woman's clothes, I am beginning to fantasize about turning sissy. I'm no use to my wife, I can't be a Daddy to my new TS friend. What are my choices for sexual contact? I can be a gurl and satisfy men. I can be a servent to a female Dom who doesn't need my penis. I can allow my wife to fuck real men. None of these are real options.

I think I am doomed to masturbate alone. What a loser!