Past sexual experiences that resulted in my turn-o
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about how my sexual turn-ons developed over the years, and how I ended up having them. It has made me do a lot of thinking about past sexual experiences and how it made me find out what I like and dislike.
One thing I've noticed lately is that I am becoming more turned on by rougher sex. I think there are a few reasons behind this. One is that as a straight male, I still consider myself a feminist. I believe women are goddesses and they have been put down throughout history by the insecure man of the world. With this in mind, it makes it more taboo to be rough and demeaning to a woman. It feels really wrong, so I can't help that it turns me on. It doesn't reflect how I really feel about women, it is a sex role play that turns me on. The flip side to this is that I still like when a woman takes control occasionally. I like seeing them give in to their urges and go wild and be dirty.
Anyway - the other reason for my increasing enjoyment of rough, dominant sex, is previous sexual relationships. I feel guilty about this experience because of the thrill it gave me, and it turns me on even thinking and typing about it - so there is a conflict of thought. Well, here is the story.
In my early 20's I had one of my first long term serious girlfriends. It was probably a mistake from the start. We were just friends at work, we got on really well as friends, but in reality, and nothing in common. She hung out with very trendy kind of people, and I was more alternative. I was kinda surprised she even liked me, she was really hot.
Before long, we were in a steady relationship, and experimenting with sex. We were only together a year, but I felt I was more sexually adventurous than her. I hadn't had many previous sexual partners, and none in a long term relationship like this, so I kept wanting to take it further and further, but she was a little more traditional. I say this, she still had an extremely high sex drive, she masturbated daily, and we had sexy every day.
Anyway, to get to the point. She was a hot head with a fiery personality. It was starting to strain the relationship. She became very jealous, controlling, paranoid. She would always shout at me and be angry with me, always thinking I was looking at other girls. Back then I was timid and wouldn't stand up for myself - a bit of a walk over. I let her get me upset quite easily. Over time, when we had sex, I began to feel something strange. It was like I was horny, she was really horny, she was always telling me to fuck her harder, and more and more often, I was also pissed off with her at the way she treated me. Somehow, the two started going hand in hand and I found myself fucking her hard in a way that satisfied me because it felt not like I was getting her back or being abusive, but like i was finally in control of her. It was a very conflicting feeling.
Eventually it got to the point where I had made up my mind that I couldn't be with her anymore. She was too controlling, to strict on me, always making me upset. I had been feeling for a while I was going to break up with her soon. I was kind of at that breaking point.
One day, while I had been feeling like I wanted to break up with her any day now, we were hanging out in my living room, when I asked her if I could have a blowjob. In fairness to her, she always happily did it for me. Now that i am more experienced, its fair to say it wasn't what she was best at. She was quite good at sex, but her blowjobs were strange. For starters, she absolutely hated the taste of cum. Not only would she not swallow, she never let me even cum in her mouth - so I'd always have to tell her when I was about to cum, so that she could stop. It was always an anticlimax because I'd always have to pull out just before the best moment, and jerk off into my hand. Later in life, I recall being so shocked that most women had no problem with me ejaculated right into their mouth. This led this to also be a huge turn on for me - as simple as it seems.
The other thing she really, REALLY hated, is if I put my hand on her head. A few times in the early days of our relationship, I'd just put my hand there because it is comfortable. Not even to push down or anything like that, it just felt relaxing to put my hands there. She'd always hit them off, slap my hand away etc. It really pissed her off and she'd claim I was choking her, even though I was not putting an weight on her head, and she would give the shallowest blowjobs ever. The head of my cock would just about enter her mouth. She didn't really suck it very well either. It was kind of like she was covering her teeth with her lips and then making that shape, she moved the opening of her mouth back and forth over the head of my cock.
This particular day, I forgot myself again, and i put my hand on her head. She not only slapped my hand away, but she took my cock out of her mouth, looked up at me with an angry face and said "how many fucking times do I have to tell you I don't like that?". I'm sat there on my couch, her on her knees between my legs, with her shouting at me like this with my cock in her hand... well, to say the least it was a major turn off. I felt like how the hell am I supposed to stay hard and enjoy the rest of this blowjob.
Well, then something really weird happened. This is not like me AT ALL. As a person, outside of the bed room, I have always been an extremely gentle and passive guy. Never been rough or mean to anyone in my life. I think when she took my cock out of her mouth and shouted at me like that, it brought the whole thing to a head. All my pent up anger at how she had been treating me for a year, the constant shouting at me and talking down to me, the controlling me, the jealousy, and the fact that I was getting more and more and more unhappy for months, the fact that for the days and hours leading up to this point I was getting closer and closer to breaking up with her. Right there, at that moment, when she was on her knees in front of me shouting at me, something just came over me all of a sudden. It was like an andrenaline rush.
What happened was that instead of apologising like I normally would, I must have thought "fuck it" and knew it was going to be over anyway, so I didn't care anymore. In a split second, before she could expect a response from me, I just grabbed her head by my two hands and forced my cock deep into her mouth. I felt it slide right down her throat where she'd never taken a hard cock before. Her eyes instantly widened in a "What the fuck?!" expression, but instead of letting her go, I just started throat fucking her face rapidly. It only last a good 10 seconds, but it felt longer since i was thrusting at least once a second into her throat. Within the first few seconds I already noticed something really unexpected which made me keep going - she actually wasn't even pulling away. While her eyes were widened and she looked shocked, she just sort of put her hands out to her sides and up in the air as if to say "oh my god what are you doing to me". It happened so fast but felt much longer - the adrenaline rushed through me as I seen what I was doing, and as I realised she was actually letting me use her like this. Her hair clenched in each of my fists, with each upward thrust of my throbbing cock, I heavily pushed her head downwards. For the first time I felt my cock feel the tightness of a woman's warm, wet throat. At the end of this excellerating 10 seconds of indulgence, taboo, dominance, she eventually put her hands back down onto my lap, let a muffled moan out, and pushed her head away from my cock. As my cock slide completely out of her mouth, with strings of her saliva all over it, her mouth was wide open, aghast with a mixture of apparent shock, surprise and probably anger at what I'd just done. But on the last thrust or two I had taken, I could already feel I was rapidly about to cum. So just as she pulled me out of her throat, and just in the split second she looked up at me in shock, my cock erupted. I was cumming so hard that my entire shaft was throbbing and pulsating as a stream of hot cum spurting out and instantly splashed her face, some of it going right into her mouth. Yet again, something I was never allowed to do. Now not only had I suddenly face fucked her right into her throat, I had came in her mouth and all over her face for the first time. Amazingly, considering how angry a person she was, the reaction wasn't that bad. She just said "Ugh! What the fuck was that for?!" I actually then felt bad and did apologise. She just shook her head, got up and cleaned herself off and said "Whatever". I couldn't help but to then still again be turned on that she had been way, way more angry at me for way, way less.I could tell she actually wasn't really that angry at all, and in fact, had I let it develop, maybe I could have eventually persuaded her to be more open minded to that whole way of doing things - but I knew that'd take a long, long time, and I was already finished with the relationship as she treated me like shit daily, and we had nothing in common anyway.
We broke up the next day and that ended up being my last experience with her. In retrospect, it was largely to do with my own inexperience. I've found in later life that you can't let people walk over you like that. You have to be honest with how you want to be treated, and how you don't want to be treated. And I'm not even talking about in the bedroom. I'm talking about daily life. in fact, I've found both in and out of the bedroom, women like when you take control and be firm. Had I been honest with her, she would never have treated me as badly as she did, we would probably have had better sex, and she probably wouldn't have minded me being a bit rough if I'd talked it out with her.
You only live once people. Be open with those with you and respect one another. It makes it all the more erotic when a woman 'allows' and gives you permission to disrespect her in the bedroom if you are playing the dominant role sexually.
One thing I've noticed lately is that I am becoming more turned on by rougher sex. I think there are a few reasons behind this. One is that as a straight male, I still consider myself a feminist. I believe women are goddesses and they have been put down throughout history by the insecure man of the world. With this in mind, it makes it more taboo to be rough and demeaning to a woman. It feels really wrong, so I can't help that it turns me on. It doesn't reflect how I really feel about women, it is a sex role play that turns me on. The flip side to this is that I still like when a woman takes control occasionally. I like seeing them give in to their urges and go wild and be dirty.
Anyway - the other reason for my increasing enjoyment of rough, dominant sex, is previous sexual relationships. I feel guilty about this experience because of the thrill it gave me, and it turns me on even thinking and typing about it - so there is a conflict of thought. Well, here is the story.
In my early 20's I had one of my first long term serious girlfriends. It was probably a mistake from the start. We were just friends at work, we got on really well as friends, but in reality, and nothing in common. She hung out with very trendy kind of people, and I was more alternative. I was kinda surprised she even liked me, she was really hot.
Before long, we were in a steady relationship, and experimenting with sex. We were only together a year, but I felt I was more sexually adventurous than her. I hadn't had many previous sexual partners, and none in a long term relationship like this, so I kept wanting to take it further and further, but she was a little more traditional. I say this, she still had an extremely high sex drive, she masturbated daily, and we had sexy every day.
Anyway, to get to the point. She was a hot head with a fiery personality. It was starting to strain the relationship. She became very jealous, controlling, paranoid. She would always shout at me and be angry with me, always thinking I was looking at other girls. Back then I was timid and wouldn't stand up for myself - a bit of a walk over. I let her get me upset quite easily. Over time, when we had sex, I began to feel something strange. It was like I was horny, she was really horny, she was always telling me to fuck her harder, and more and more often, I was also pissed off with her at the way she treated me. Somehow, the two started going hand in hand and I found myself fucking her hard in a way that satisfied me because it felt not like I was getting her back or being abusive, but like i was finally in control of her. It was a very conflicting feeling.
Eventually it got to the point where I had made up my mind that I couldn't be with her anymore. She was too controlling, to strict on me, always making me upset. I had been feeling for a while I was going to break up with her soon. I was kind of at that breaking point.
One day, while I had been feeling like I wanted to break up with her any day now, we were hanging out in my living room, when I asked her if I could have a blowjob. In fairness to her, she always happily did it for me. Now that i am more experienced, its fair to say it wasn't what she was best at. She was quite good at sex, but her blowjobs were strange. For starters, she absolutely hated the taste of cum. Not only would she not swallow, she never let me even cum in her mouth - so I'd always have to tell her when I was about to cum, so that she could stop. It was always an anticlimax because I'd always have to pull out just before the best moment, and jerk off into my hand. Later in life, I recall being so shocked that most women had no problem with me ejaculated right into their mouth. This led this to also be a huge turn on for me - as simple as it seems.
The other thing she really, REALLY hated, is if I put my hand on her head. A few times in the early days of our relationship, I'd just put my hand there because it is comfortable. Not even to push down or anything like that, it just felt relaxing to put my hands there. She'd always hit them off, slap my hand away etc. It really pissed her off and she'd claim I was choking her, even though I was not putting an weight on her head, and she would give the shallowest blowjobs ever. The head of my cock would just about enter her mouth. She didn't really suck it very well either. It was kind of like she was covering her teeth with her lips and then making that shape, she moved the opening of her mouth back and forth over the head of my cock.
This particular day, I forgot myself again, and i put my hand on her head. She not only slapped my hand away, but she took my cock out of her mouth, looked up at me with an angry face and said "how many fucking times do I have to tell you I don't like that?". I'm sat there on my couch, her on her knees between my legs, with her shouting at me like this with my cock in her hand... well, to say the least it was a major turn off. I felt like how the hell am I supposed to stay hard and enjoy the rest of this blowjob.
Well, then something really weird happened. This is not like me AT ALL. As a person, outside of the bed room, I have always been an extremely gentle and passive guy. Never been rough or mean to anyone in my life. I think when she took my cock out of her mouth and shouted at me like that, it brought the whole thing to a head. All my pent up anger at how she had been treating me for a year, the constant shouting at me and talking down to me, the controlling me, the jealousy, and the fact that I was getting more and more and more unhappy for months, the fact that for the days and hours leading up to this point I was getting closer and closer to breaking up with her. Right there, at that moment, when she was on her knees in front of me shouting at me, something just came over me all of a sudden. It was like an andrenaline rush.
What happened was that instead of apologising like I normally would, I must have thought "fuck it" and knew it was going to be over anyway, so I didn't care anymore. In a split second, before she could expect a response from me, I just grabbed her head by my two hands and forced my cock deep into her mouth. I felt it slide right down her throat where she'd never taken a hard cock before. Her eyes instantly widened in a "What the fuck?!" expression, but instead of letting her go, I just started throat fucking her face rapidly. It only last a good 10 seconds, but it felt longer since i was thrusting at least once a second into her throat. Within the first few seconds I already noticed something really unexpected which made me keep going - she actually wasn't even pulling away. While her eyes were widened and she looked shocked, she just sort of put her hands out to her sides and up in the air as if to say "oh my god what are you doing to me". It happened so fast but felt much longer - the adrenaline rushed through me as I seen what I was doing, and as I realised she was actually letting me use her like this. Her hair clenched in each of my fists, with each upward thrust of my throbbing cock, I heavily pushed her head downwards. For the first time I felt my cock feel the tightness of a woman's warm, wet throat. At the end of this excellerating 10 seconds of indulgence, taboo, dominance, she eventually put her hands back down onto my lap, let a muffled moan out, and pushed her head away from my cock. As my cock slide completely out of her mouth, with strings of her saliva all over it, her mouth was wide open, aghast with a mixture of apparent shock, surprise and probably anger at what I'd just done. But on the last thrust or two I had taken, I could already feel I was rapidly about to cum. So just as she pulled me out of her throat, and just in the split second she looked up at me in shock, my cock erupted. I was cumming so hard that my entire shaft was throbbing and pulsating as a stream of hot cum spurting out and instantly splashed her face, some of it going right into her mouth. Yet again, something I was never allowed to do. Now not only had I suddenly face fucked her right into her throat, I had came in her mouth and all over her face for the first time. Amazingly, considering how angry a person she was, the reaction wasn't that bad. She just said "Ugh! What the fuck was that for?!" I actually then felt bad and did apologise. She just shook her head, got up and cleaned herself off and said "Whatever". I couldn't help but to then still again be turned on that she had been way, way more angry at me for way, way less.I could tell she actually wasn't really that angry at all, and in fact, had I let it develop, maybe I could have eventually persuaded her to be more open minded to that whole way of doing things - but I knew that'd take a long, long time, and I was already finished with the relationship as she treated me like shit daily, and we had nothing in common anyway.
We broke up the next day and that ended up being my last experience with her. In retrospect, it was largely to do with my own inexperience. I've found in later life that you can't let people walk over you like that. You have to be honest with how you want to be treated, and how you don't want to be treated. And I'm not even talking about in the bedroom. I'm talking about daily life. in fact, I've found both in and out of the bedroom, women like when you take control and be firm. Had I been honest with her, she would never have treated me as badly as she did, we would probably have had better sex, and she probably wouldn't have minded me being a bit rough if I'd talked it out with her.
You only live once people. Be open with those with you and respect one another. It makes it all the more erotic when a woman 'allows' and gives you permission to disrespect her in the bedroom if you are playing the dominant role sexually.
8年前
