Unsure

My wife and I are on the verge of divorce. She can't handle my perversion and wants me to stop looking at porn.
I just don't know if I can.. or want to stop.

She doesn't want sex anymore. At all. She told me that there is no way.

It's not like she has anyone else on the side, or wants someone else. She just doesn't want me. She is disgusted by me and doesn't even know that if I changed, she would want me again.

So.. I am left to wonder. Should I stay or should I go? Divorce is so messy, complicated and not something that I ever thought that I'd do.

But, if she doesn't want to be with me, then there's not really much that I can do. I can try to change, and maybe even actually change.

Maybe I would be happier if I could find a woman that would treat me the way I want to be treated.. as a loving cuckold. It's my heart's desire to be in that role.

I was abused growing up, and I wonder how much that has affected me today. Can I undo the effects that it had on me and be able to have a 'normal' relationship? Do I even want that?

As much as I have tried to suppress it, I have an overwhelming urge to be fucked by black men. To be with a woman that devotes herself completely to black men.. to raise the half-black c***dren that they make together.

sigh. I guess I will just go surf some porn and try to sort all of this shit out.

What comments or suggestions do you have?