Closet sissy

I am a 60 yr old sissy cross dresser. I have to hide everything I do
Sometimes I wish I could just come out and admit it.
But then I realize the pain and humiliation I would be subject to.
Sometimes I wish I could just run away-find a man in AZ and have him turn me into his own sissy slut.
To service him and anyone or anything else with a cock he sees fit.