In need of advice: Kegal Exercise Related.

Ok I been doing kegal exercises for the past 3 years quite often. Its gotten to the point when I sleep with my partner I tend to tense up really bad . Making it almost impossible for him to fit and it tends to hurt him. Is there a way to work this or???
Just for reference hes not really that small length wise ( about 6-7 in before completely hard about 7-8 when he is) and really thick almost the size of a glass coke bottle.
He hates going down on me. So the only lubricant used is my natural one.
I just dont know what to do at this point?