CCG 2014 #2

April 2014

Cuckold? Maybe…

So… Sorry for the delay since my last post. Last week was Spring Break, and I took full advantage of my last college spring break and went somewhere nice and warm and tropical. I spend the better part of a week laying on a beach and drinking mojitos. I know- rough huh? Anyway, I am back now and feeling refreshed and ready to crush this whole college thing… Hopefully.

So, back to the topic of this blog - one of you fine followers asked me a while back if my boyfriend is a cuckold.

The answer to that is… I didn’t really know. I honestly had no idea about the whole cuckolding fetish before recently when I was asked and started looking into it a bit more. I always just assumed it was me cheating… I never really thought that there could be a fetish associated with it.

After my bf caught me cheating and we had that “talk” I detailed for you guys earlier, we have come back to this whole cheating topic more and more frequently in conversations together. To the point where, while we were on Spring Break, I finally just asked him if he was a cuckold.

It was a very interesting conversation, and to be honest, more than a little hot for me. I would be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on a little to watch him sorta squirm around a bit at my question, and dance around the answer. I am going to give you his thoughts on it, and mine too….

Here is his basic take:

He doesn’t like the term “cuckold”. He thinks it makes him seem weak. He likes the idea of his “prim and proper high school sweetheart” having a dark side. He likes the idea that I can be promiscuous, and he seemed to really like the idea of his girlfriend being a bit of a slut. He isn’t thrilled that I fucked Brandon (multiple times) but he likes the fact that I was daring enough to do it. He is open to the idea of “sharing” me, but he wants to know what’s going on at all times.

Here is my take:

By definition, he is a cuckold. It doesn’t really matter if he likes the term or not, he is one. It isn’t really a choice anymore if he wants to be or not. It’s a yes or no answer, and the fact is that the answer is yes. Maybe it does make him feel weak, but that actually is his choice. The way I see it, he can do one of three things about it… 1- break up with me and leave. 2- stop letting it make him feel weak and start taking pride in it. Or 3 - learn to accept and enjoy that weakness. Either of the last two options is fine with me at this point, considering that I had pretty much resigned myself to the first one when he caught me, but he didn’t. If he likes the idea of me being a little slutty, then I am thinking that he will eventually come to terms with both the term itself and the weakness thing. Again, it turns me on a bit that he has some kind of sense of pride that I was so daring as to be with Brandon. To be honest… I kind of like the fact that he wasn’t thrilled that it was Brandon. Maybe it is because it makes me feel somewhat justified that I hid it from him… Maybe just because it was really hot, and I wouldn’t mind making that a “thing” with the two (3?) of us. As far as his point about wanting to know what was going on at all times in the future, he has a pretty solid point there. I’m not going to fight that point. If he is willing to share me, the least I can do as a “prim and proper” girlfriend is to let him know who he is sharing me with.

We still have some things to work out though… How I/we pick guys? How frequently we want this to happen? What is his role in all this? Those are questions that I am actually working through right now, so I don’t have answers for you guys yet. As soon as we come to an agreement on stuff like this, I will let you know.

So, that’s how we stand right now. We have a bit of an agreement here, but really I’m not sure what will happen next. If anybody has any suggestions, I would love to hear them!

It’s going to be a fun spring everybody! :-)


I’m blowing up!

Wow, I logged on after my 8am class this morning, and much to my surprise (and delight) I somehow managed to get 18 new followers between midnight and about 5 min ago! That’s the way you should start a Monday!

That’s awesome, and crazy at the same time. I had no idea when I started this blog that I would even have 10 total people follow me, now it’s like I’m a freakin rock star overnight or something…

Ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but still, it’s a thrill for me. So, to all my new followers - welcome, and thanks for following! Also, a huge thanks to those of you that liked/reblogged any of my posts. I love feedback, and I really do answer each message personally - either on my blog or in private, so feel free to ask anything you like.

As for each of you guys, you are some crazy people! When somebody starts following me, I get to see your name, and occasionally I go through and check your pages too. Lots of kinky stuff in some of those blogs, but lots of “average/vanilla” blogs too. Apparently one of my followers is a housewife from Tennessee that blogs about flowers and gardens a lot, and there is another guy that appears to be some kind of graphic designer or artist.

I love seeing “real” people follow me. Don’t get me wrong, I like looking at dirty blogs as much as the next cheating slut, but something about knowing that that graphic artist guy has some kind of dark secret that I’m a small part of now makes me feel like I know a secret. It’s fun.

Anybody care to play a game? Let’s play “guess the total number of followers Courtney has by midnight tonight”. Closest one gets a prize… Not sure what that will be yet, maybe your very own answer to a personal question or something… Here is a hint: It’s already over 50!

Ready… Go!


An experiment

At the end of my recent post I told you all that my boyfriend and I were in the process of deciding where we wanted to take this new phase of our relationship. I mentioned that we were working out ideas of how to pick guys of interest, how to make sure we both enjoyed this, how frequently we wanted to engage in this kind of activity… etc.

Well, here is the problem with all of those questions… We have no idea. Neither of us ever done anything like this, we aren’t sure yet what we want out of this. Neither of is sure where our “that’s over the line” point is. We are both very curious about exploring this further however, so we need to find some place to start.

So last night we sat down and talked about how we were going to go about doing this. We had a few ideas about things that might work. I thought maybe I could find another house party and meet some random guy like I did with Ryan and just see how things progressed. He wasn’t very interested in that possibility, as he said that he would feel like he didn’t get any sort of say in the situation, which is probably correct, so we scratched that idea. Then he suggested that maybe he should make a list of guys that we both knew that he would like to see me with and I could pick from that. Well, I wasn’t too keen on that because most of the people we both know are mutual friends, and I didn’t want to have this side of us out there for them to know about. He agreed there too. So basically we decided that it would be best to start out this little experiment with 3 factors: 1- him having some kind of voice in what was happening. 2- me actually being interested in /attracted to the guy, and 3- making sure that whoever it might be, he wasn’t a mutual friend that might potentially divulge our secret.

So, given those three factors, we decided that the place with the most potential for meeting those 3 criteria would be a bar downtown. We decided that we could both show up, separately, and just see what happened. I could hang out, have a couple drinks, and see if any guys showed interest in me. He could be there, watching, making sure that he was comfortable with whatever was happening, and still be close enough to step in and put a stop to things if necessary.

So, that’s what we are going to do. Is it a good plan? No idea. Could be great, could be really lame. Maybe it leads to something, maybe not. We will just have to see how it goes, and then just our plan from there if we need to. Maybe we need to be more cautious, maybe more aggressive. We really don’t know until we try it.

What I can say is that we are both pretty eager to give it a try. I find it very liberating and empowering to talk face to face with my boyfriend about what “my type” of guy is. He gets excited thinking about me being bad, and him having a say in it this time. We’ve been playing on these feelings for the last week or so, and we are both eager to see if anything might happen here.

So, this experiment is going to happen tomorrow night. I’m basically going on a date, with someone yet to be determined, while my bf watches from across the bar somewhere. I’m excited, and nervous at the same time. Rest assured that I will be updating this blog as soon as I can to tell you all what happened.

Wish me luck…


Good and Bad Results

Well, that was fun!

Last night was the first test run in this new “let’s share Courtney” idea that my boyfriend and I have decided to try. I got home from work (yeah, in addition to being a full time student, I also work… I’m a busy girl, what can I say) and took a shower, shaved my legs, did my hair and makeup and dressed up in a cute new outfit I bought a week or so ago.

My boyfriend came over about halfway through, while I was getting ready, and asked me 5 or 6 times if I was actually going to go through with our plan. I told him I was absolutely willing to as long as he was. After a drink each to calm the nerves, we both agreed to go ahead and see what happened.

We left my house, and I was already really hot, and totally nervous. It’s a funny feeling knowing that your boyfriend wants to share you. Knowing that he is essentially ok with you cheating on him is totally foreign. Even though he said that he was, there was still something inside me that doubted he was serious, and expected him to decide against our plan, but, to his credit, he didn’t. We had decided to go to a pretty popular bar, but one that our friends don’t usually go to, because if any of them had seen us, it would have spoiled our plans.

We talked on the way there about how we would tell each other if we were ever uncomfortable with anything, and decided that I was ever uncomfortable I would just walk up to him, and if he was ever uncomfortable, he would text message me. I agreed to keep my phone close, and check on it regularly. He seemed like that was an acceptable plan, so he dropped me off and said he would be in about 15 min later to see how it was going.

I went into the bar and I was totally a nervous wreck. It’s the same bar I have been in 100 times before, but my heart was racing, and my palms were sweating, and I didn’t even know what was going to happen. I sat at the actual bar by myself, and nervously flipped through the drink menu for about 2 min before the bartender asked me if he could get me anything. I ordered a drink (vodka cranberry, because that is my standard) and after he gave it to me, I think I had sucked the whole thing down in about 2 min. I ordered another one.

The second one was a bit more relaxed. I drank, and looked around the bar to check out the guys. There were quite a few people in there - it was Friday night after all. I actually saw two guys sitting at a table not far from me, and one of them was totally gorgeous. I hoped that he would notice me, but I didn’t want to do anything too overt, because my boyfriend hadn’t even got there yet, and I had promised him. I started wondering where the heck he was, until finally I saw him come in, and go sit at the other end of the bar, which was horseshoe shaped, so he actually had a pretty good view if nothing were to happen. I tried not to stare at him across the bar, and I was getting my third vodka cran about the same time he was getting his first drink.

And I waited… And waited… And nothing really happened. I tried to give the “sexy and available” vibe out as much as I could, but for the longest time, nothing happened. I got a text message.

“Are you ok?”

I replied that I was, and asked if he was ok back. He said that he was fine, and not to worry about him. He encouraged me to keep at it, and said the it was really hot just watching me.

So, I felt a little more emboldened, and told the bartender that I was going to walk around a bit. I did just that, and eventually stopped at a high table with a couple of stools, right next to two guys playing pool. I asked if I could share the table, because they had their beers sitting on it already, and they said that was no problem. So I pulled up a stool and sat down to watch them play pool. I told them that I was waiting for a friend and that “she would be here soon”. I watched them for probably 15 min, and then finally, one of them asked me if I wanted to play too. Now, I am absolutely terrible at pool, but I agreed, thinking that it was a good ice-breaker. By the way, did anybody else know that you could play a 3 person game of pool? I had no idea… Always thought it was 2 or 4 player, but apparently you can play 3 person too…

Anyway, I left my purse on the table with my drink and theirs, and joined in on their pool game. I lost, miserably, but it was fun, and the waitress came over, and I ordered another drink. We put more quarters in, and I even got to break for the second game. Mid way through, I told them I needed to check on my friend and see where she was. I didn’t have any texts from my boyfriend. I looked, and he was still sitting at the bar watching me. I went back to the pool game, and got a little more flirty, putting my hand on the occasional shoulder, laughing at their banter back and forth, I even asked them what they were doing alone with no girlfriends on a Friday night. Then I learned that they were good friends, and that one was a junior at my same school, and the other was his friend visiting from out of town, and that he was in the Marines. So, after that, I sort of concentrated my flirting with the one local guy, which, thankfully, was more attractive than his friend. No offense to the Marines or anything, I just thought I would try to stick with the local guys.

They bought me a drink, and asked me when my friend was going to be there… I told them I’d check on her, and looked at my phone again. I had a text from my boyfriend that just said “go for it”. I took a deep breath and told the guys that my friend was running late, and that she didn’t know when she would be there. They said that they didn’t mind if I hung out, so we played another game. By the way, I got 2nd place in the 2nd game, and I don’t even think they were letting me…

I played for a while, and by this time I was feeling the alcohol, and I was feeling pretty loose so I went up to the local guy (whose name was Mark) and told him I really appreciated him letting me hang out for the night, and I was sorry that my friend was a flake. He laughed and said it was no problem, and I asked him if I could give him my phone number. He said that he would absolutely take it, and that he would like to call me and hang out again sometime, but that he couldn’t leave his friend alone. That was actually pretty cool of him I thought, so for whatever reason, I didn’t press the issue.

At the end of the night, we finished the 3rd pool game, and the last round of drinks, and I gave them each a hug, and thanked them for letting me hang out. I gave Mark my phone number, and told him to use it. I ended up telling them that my friend was stuck dealing with some roommate issue, but I would be sure to introduce her the next time we hung out.

They left, and I went back to the bar to pay my tab. My boyfriend followed me out, and drove me home because by that time, I was in no condition to drive, for multiple reasons.

The whole way home, he asked me how it went, and how I felt. I told him I had fun, but was somewhat glad that nothing really had happened, because I wanted to talk to him first. He told me for the longest time he was just bored, and spend most of the time watching the basketball/hockey games that were on, but that he got interested when I started playing pool. He liked watching that, a lot. He said he was willing to let me go further, and so we both agreed we will keep trying this… Whatever “this” is.

So… Experiment 1 was good and bad… I had fun, I met a new guy, my bf liked watching, and I gave out my number, but I didn’t actually go home with a guy.

Here is to hoping that Mark guy actually calls, right? Who knows what might happen if he does?


Anonymous asked:
Love your writing--such introspective honesty. Thank you. Do you think you would have gone home with him, had he asked?

First of all, thanks for the compliment. I try to be real. I think there are far too many blogs on Tumblr that are more fantasy than reality. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just try to tell it like it actually happened. As for your question, I’m not really sure… I’d like to think that I would have had the guts to go home with him, but honestly, I don’t know how I would have reacted. I’m new at all of this too. Friday night was literally my first time I have ever even tried to do anything with my boyfriend knowing. I don’t know if he would have stopped me either. I think the only way to find out is to keep exploring this.


sexygirlworship asked:
awesome blog ;) how much bigger was Brandon then your bf?

Hey, thanks for reading! So, let me just say first that I don’t exactly go around with a tape measure in my pocket measuring guys that I’m with. So, was Brandon bigger? Maybe slightly… But what really got me with Brandon was his attitude. I have never been with a guy that was that forceful, confident, and aggressive. It very much just made me melt.


Anonymous asked:
Courtney- I love your blog. Cheating wives/GFs are the best, especially when they share EVERYTHING with hub/BF. I have Q's: 1. Do you use condoms with your FWBs? With BF? 2. Are you a size queen at all? Technique is always more important than size, but a big, thick cock attached to a guy who knows how to use it is the best. 3. Any interest in 3-somes? Other females? 4. Any interest in interracial? 5. Will you tell us about new guys? Flirting? BTW, your BF is a real prince. You should keep him!

Wow, that’s a lot of questions! First, let me say thanks for the compliment on the blog. It’s nice to hear people are enjoying it. As for your questions: 1- I always have so far. I just think it’s safer. And yes, that includes my bf. bit I’ve also had those thoughts about not using them too. - just don’t have the guts to yet. 2- Not a deal breaker/maker but’s definitely a plus, that’s for sure. 3 - maybe, and maybe… I haven’t really explored the thoughts yet, but I’m not opposed to them. It would depend on who, obviously. 4- sure, if he is hot, I don’t care what race he is. 5 - umm, yeah, that is pretty much what this blog is supposed to be about. And lastly, thanks for the comment about my bf. I think I will keep him around… As long as he’s good. ;)


Happy Hunting

It’s been one of the more interesting weeks I can remember between my boyfriend and me. After the fun of last Friday night, we have been talking more and more about what each of us wants to happen next. He seems to be pretty eager to see me take things further, and the more I realize he is actually into the idea of me cheating, the more I feel like I can push his buttons and get away with it.

We went out to dinner together on Thursday night. We hadn’t really seen each other much until then because of work and class, so it gave us the opportunity to catch up a little. Nothing fancy or anything, just a local place that we have been to many times before. We talked about a lot of stuff, but mostly about what had happened last Friday with that Mark guy from the bar. That is where I learned a very interesting thing about him. Even though I didn’t actually cheat on him at all that night, it still turned him on a ton. Just he idea that I was willing to cheat was hot for him, and it made me realize that just as much as the cheating itself, he gets turned on by the tease or potential of me cheating on him.

As soon as I figured this out, dinner got a lot more fun. I started playing off those feelings. For example, when a couple came in and sat a few tables away from us, I asked my bf what he thought of her. He sort of did the whole awkward “look over the shoulder and pretend that you aren’t staring at somebody” move, (you know what I mean) and checked this girl out.

He said something to the extent of “yeah, she is kinda cute, I guess”.

I asked him if he thought she ever cheated on him, and he said “maybe, it’s possible, I have no idea”

And then right away I answered him “no way, she hasn’t. For sure”. He asked me how I could be so sure, and I told him that I could tell just by looking at him. He was hot. He had short dark hair, cut close to his head, and just a slight beard growing too, that was scruffy and looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days. He was probably about 6’ tall, and maybe 180 lbs or so. I told my bf that he looked like a guy that knew what he was doing around women. I told him that maybe, if his girlfriend got up to go to the bathroom or something, I would walk over there and slip him my phone number too, because in wouldn’t mind giving him a try sometime.

Now, of course, I didn’t do that…. And to be perfectly honest, that guy wasn’t even really that attractive to begin with. He wasn’t ugly, just wasn’t drop dead gorgeous either. But that is beside the point. The point is that my bf got all kinds of worked up, just by listening to me saying that about a complete stranger. So… Of course, I took that and ran with it. I asked about a couple more guys throughout the rest of the night. Asking him things like, “hey, do you that guy has a place close by?” Or “I bet that guy would be fun to dance with”. I even went so far as to make him pick between two guys as to who he would like to see me with more. It drove him crazy! He actually asked me at one point if I wanted him to go sit alone somewhere so I could go talk to guys, but I declined. I was having a good time. I wanted him there to talk to.

It was actually a lot of fun to tease him like that. It gave me some sort of thrill, having that power over him. I think I might even start doing stuff like that with him more often.

The rest of that night was pretty uneventful. We both had class in the morning, so he dropped me off at my place, and we said goodnight.

This week I’ve also been reading more on the internet about this little fetish of his. There is a whole world of stuff that I never really considered that anybody would be into, but some of it is really tempting for me to try to explore a bit. I think I am starting to learn a little more about what I have the ability to do with him now after this week. He wants me to cheat, he wants me to be dirty, and he likes it when I tease him about it, even if nothing actually happens. I think I am going to suggest that next time I go out looking for guys, maybe he can help pick out an outfit for me. Maybe he might even be willing to take me shopping first…

I haven’t asked him about this idea yet, I’m not sure how he would react to the suggestion, or if I even have the guts to ask. I’d love to hear what you guys think about that idea. Would that be over the line? Is it too soon to suggest that?

Until that time comes though, I think it’s probably just time for me to wait, and watch. I feel like I’m hunting for boys now. It’s open season, and I’m planning on going out a lot… Coffee shops, bars, in class, maybe even people I meet at work. If he really wants this, I feel like a good girlfriend ought to do her best to oblige, right?


Ok, game on

Ohh, I told you I was hunting for boys. I had my first bit of luck yesterday - and it started at, of all places, my work.

First a little background info. I am a full time student, but I work a job part time retail so I can pay rent and tuition and buy groceries, and all that other stuff that is pretty much required. I don’t make much, but I get by. I usually work two or three days a week, on nights after class, or sometimes on the weekend too. Anyway, my job requires me to deal with customers a lot. I don’t hate it, I just feel like a lot of the issues I end up having to deal with could probably be resolved fairly easily by two k**s on a playground. Alas, I get paid to listen to customers complain about something, and then make sure their issue gets resolved, and they leave happy. It’s pretty simple really.

Well, yesterday, a middle aged lady (mid 50s maybe) came in and had a problem with something that she bought last week. So I talked with her and she explained her issue, and I listened. She had been in twice before, and hadn’t had the issue resolved, and was a bit irritated at a few of my coworkers (playground fight!) for what she thought was them disregarding her concern. In all honesty, they were completely right, and she was doing something wrong, but apparently nobody actually explained anything to her. So I did, and showed her the problem, and showed her the issue with the way she was doing things. Well, she felt pretty stupid, and apologized to me for being irritated, and left, happy as can be. Playground fight averted!

Well, it turns out that this whole time I was dealing with this lady, there was a younger guy watching me talk to her. After she left, he came up to talk to me and shook his head and said “man, I would have laughed in her face. Way to keep your cool on that one”. It made me laugh, because it was totally true. There were no other customers in the store, and he lingered for a bit, just making small talk. He had just graduated from the same school I go to, and he had a job working for some computer company in town now. He told me his name, and in the end, he said “hey, you seem like you are really cool, can I get your number? Maybe we can go out sometime?”

Well, I’ve been hit on at work before. More than a couple times actually. Two things made this guy different though, first, he was actually really good looking. And second - this new phase of my relationship with my boyfriend hadn’t been in place when anybody before had hit on me. So, I said yes. I gave him my number, and he said he would give me a call. He left after another smile, and I actually got a little excited. I don’t know how many ladies actually read my blog, but they would know what I mean. There is a sense of pride and happiness when a guy asks you out. This was the same way, but I knew I had to tell my bf.

As soon as I got off, I called him and told him the story. I asked him what he thought, and he said he wished he could have seen it, but that he wasn’t upset or anything, which was a relief for me. I didn’t even go home that night, I just went right to his place, and stayed the night with him. I told him that the guy was actually really hot, and he seemed to like it that I found this guy attractive, and gave him my number. We fooled around a bit that night, and both went to bed happy.

The best part of the story is that today, after I got out of class, I got a call. It was this guy, (his name is Brad) and he asked me if he could take me out. Tonight. On a freaking Monday night. Who does that? I have a paper due tomorrow for a class, and I’m only about ½ done with it… Screw it, you only live once, right? I told him yes. I immediately called the bf, who is just as excited as I am. We can’t believe he actually called!

I just got home about 30 min ago, and logged on to tell you all this. As soon as I post, I’m getting offline, and frantically trying to finish this paper so that I can go on a date tonight ;). This will be my first actual date with a guy that isn’t my boyfriend since high school! My bf is coming over soon also, to figure out the details of how we can make sure he is covertly involved somehow, as I don’t want to do anything without his consent. I will post again as soon as I can with details on how it went and what happened. I don’t even know where he wants to go yet. Wish me luck!


Yeah, not so much

Well, that was super lame! I would love to tell you a much sexier story about what happened last night, but in keeping with the honesty thing here, this one was a dud.

Yesterday, after posting about this first date, I quickly finished my class work, hoping that I could then spend the entire night with this new guy that asked me out. I was all excited, and my bf even came over to help me get things planned.

So, after a shower, I got dressed up in a cute skirt and sweater. I wanted to look good, but normal. Both my bf and I thought looking too good might actually scare the other guy a bit, and he might not be into it.

During the time I was getting ready for this date, my bf and I were talking about how we wanted to make sure he wasn’t pushed too far, and could be included somehow, without this other guy knowing. We didn’t really have a good option, because I didn’t know where we were even going. What we decided was that I would call Brad back, and use the excuse that I didn’t want to be over/under dressed for dinner, and that allowed me to learn where he wanted to take me. It was an Italian restaurant on the opposite side of the city. I had never been there before, but my bf said that he knew where it was. The problem was that it didn’t really have a bar or anything for him to sit at while he covertly watched the action like he did the night I played pool with those two guys in the bar.

So, what we decided was that he was just going to go to dinner there too. He left about 15 min before this Brad guy was supposed to pick me up. We kissed, he told me he was excited for me, I told him I was nervous, and he reassured me that it would be fun, and that he would be there if I needed anything.

Brad showed up about 20 min after he left to pick me up. He drove a little silver car of some kind… Nothing impressive, but pretty standard for a recent college grad. He did look good though. He wore a pair of slacks and a collared shirt. He drove me to dinner, and we made the typical small talk during the drive. He asked me if I accepted dates from guys at work a lot, and I told him that no, this was my first one. I thought at this point that things might actually be going well.

We got to the restaurant, and went inside. It was a much smaller place than I thought it would be, which was good, because as soon as I walked in, I saw my bf sitting alone at a table. I actually felt some weird feelings right then. It’s pretty hard to explain. Some sort of mixture of excitement and pity at the same time. I was excited that he would be willing to let me go on a date, but at the same time, I felt a little sorry for him to have to sit alone. Brad and I got a table which was semi-close to him, and I asked to sit on the side that faced most toward my bf, although he had no idea why I wanted to sit there.

We talked some more. About school… boring. Then about his job… which, if possible was even more boring. He does some sort of computer programming code stuff that was pretty over my head. I asked him about any interests or hobbies he had, and he literally went into a long story about how he had a real interest in clay pottery. Now, I don’t want to sound like a bitch, because I know that everybody has their own passions and interests, but, pottery? Really? For a guy in his mid 20s?

The waitress came and took our order. I got glass of white wine and seafood scampi, and he got a beer and the largest piece of lasagna I have ever seen.

While we ate, the riveting pottery conversation continued. He told me he even has his own pottery wheel, and then told me all about the important things to know while kilning. For real. I actually had to tell myself multiple times not to roll my eyes. He might have been good looking, but damn, was he boring. He talked most of the time, and I didn’t get to say much that wasn’t pottery related. My bf watched the whole time. I didn’t know at the time, but apparently he was close enough to hear most of the conversation, as the place wasn’t that noisy.

After we ate, he talked some more… (shocker) this time it was about his desire to some day own property. Well, that’s an admirable goal. I thought, of course, I’d like to buy a flat in a big city too… Oh no, he didn’t mean a property like a place to live. He told me about how he wanted to buy a piece of land somewhere so he could build his own cabin on it. Is that a red flag? It sure struck me as one. I got this whole pottery wheel serial killer thought in my head, and it really just made it hard to take anything he said seriously.

About this time, I thought to myself “yeah, this guy is hot, but he is boring - he likes pottery and building cabins, and hasn’t let me get a word in edgewise all night. Unless I want to try to turn this date into some kind of Patrick Swayze Ghost re-enactment, I’m not going anywhere with this guy.”

So, I should probably have just ended the date there and “got a cab home”. But for some reason I let him bring me back home. I told him I really appreciated dinner, and thanked him, and did the polite hand-shake first date thing. He asked if he could see me again, and I said maybe, but next time not on a Monday night. In all truth, if he calls again, I’m not calling him back, but it’s hard for me to tell people “no” to their face.

My boyfriend got back to my place shortly after he left, and we both had a good laugh at pottery boy. He was glad that I gave it a shot though. For this “cheating” thing to work, there is going to have to be a guy that I have some chemistry with. Not just good looking, but somebody that actually interests me. Tonight was not that night.


So, that’s my story. My first attempt at a date in this new relationship phase was a big old zero. Went down in flames on that one. Oh well, I’ll keep looking. I’m sure somebody with be both hot and interesting soon enough. In the meantime, anybody need a reference for some handmade pottery? I know a guy…


May 2014

New candidates?

After the fail that was pottery boy, my bf and I have been talking a bit more about how we might actually find somebody for me to “date” that is both hot and interesting. So, we have started to explore a little bit of the turn-ons for each of us, in the hope that that might help us get a few more ideas of who might be possible.

This weekend, he got a pair of tickets to a baseball game given to him by a guy he works with, so the two of is went down and had lunch and a few beers while watching the game. It was pretty fun, because it helped get some of the stress off from the flurry of finals that I am going through. It also gave us an opportunity to push each other’s buttons a little with regard to this whole cheating thing.

For him, he is really turned on by me being bad. He likes the idea of me doing things that aren’t typical of the girl he has dated for the past 3.5 years. He told me that basically that means that he is willing to share me with somebody that is outside of my “normal” type. So, what exactly is “my type”? Well, for the most part I am a pretty good girl. I get good grades, attend classes, and study. I have a tendency to lean toward guys that do the same. So, the opposite of my usual type might be a slacker, a frat boy, or something along those lines.

He gave me a few examples, but no specifics. For example… His first idea was an athlete. Probably because we happened to be at a baseball game. Somebody big and strong, and focused only on sports and winning, not school. That tends to be fairly common in a big school like mine. There are athletes, and students, but the term “student-athlete” is pretty much a joke. At least here it is. He said that it would be hot if I found somebody that couldn’t care less about his education, just wanted to party his way through school and get girls on the side. So, maybe I’ll explore that a bit in the future, but it might be harder than you’d think, because classes are almost done for the semester. I’ll keep my eyes peeled.

For his second suggestion, he said he could picture me with some sort of stoner guy. Just because that is so unlike any guy I have ever been with. Some guy who didn’t really care about anything but having a good time. That guy - whoever he is, shouldn’t be hard to find in a college town. There are guys like that everywhere. The trick with that would be to find one that I was actually attracted to. I have no interest in a dirty hippie kind of guy that hasn’t showered in 2 weeks. So, if I happen to run into a guy that is attractive, but a bit of a pothead, I apparently have the green light.

As for what I like, I have already mentioned that I like guys that are strong, forceful, and aggressive in bed. The problem with that is that you don’t really know that about a guy until after at least the first time. So it’s not really something we could know in advance. So as long as they are attractive, I feel like I would be willing to give just about anybody at least 1 date.

I teased him a bit about the guy at his work that gave him the tickets to the game. I asked him why he didn’t just offer to take me, and leave my bf at home. That got a reaction from him too. He didn’t say no, but he didn’t look too comfortable either. He got that same sort of confused, unsure, antsy, nervousness about him that he had when we were on vacation and I asked him if he was a cuckold. It was pretty cute to see him that way again. I made him give me the guy’s phone number. I told him it was so I could text him and say thank you. But doing that immediately after telling my bf that I would have gone on a date with his coworker if he wanted only served to put a little bit of doubt in his mind. It was great. It gave me that power thrill again. He gave me the number, and it sent a few texts back and forth to this guy. My bf asked what I said, but I wouldn’t tell him. I left it to his imagination. It was awesome. Of course, all I said was “hey, thanks for the tickets, they are great seats and hope we can pay you back some time” but bf doesn’t need to know that.

And, as a bonus, now I have his number to text back and forth whenever I want to tease the bf a little. Will anything come of it? Who knows? He is pretty cute… and I do like the way he makes my bf feel… maybe there is some potential there.

So, we will add him to the list of candidates. Along with a hypothetical pothead guy or athlete guy. That’s pretty much it as far as an update goes. I’m right in the middle of final tests and projects, so I will try to update again soon. I’d love to hear from some of you followers too. Every time I have something in my inbox makes doing this blog a little more rewarding for me.

Happy May to everybody… It’s almost summertime!


imdoingyourgirl asked:
Do you get more of a thrill out of your BF knowing about your cheating or him being oblivious?

That’s a good question, but I’m afraid I can only give a half answer. When my bf didn’t know about me cheating, yes, it was really hot for me, and definitely gave me a thrill. However, I haven’t actually done anything when he has known about it yet, so I can’t answer as to which I like better quite yet. I’ll let you know when it happens!


A Personal Thought

This post has nothing to do with the topic of this blog. I just wanted to let it be known that today, I finished my last day ever of college courses. I am equally ecstatic and terrified. I’m proud and nervous at the same time. After the next week of finals and graduation, I’m officially no longer a college girl.

I also realized that because of this, my Tumblr handle will soon become outdated… damnit.

As for now, I’m going to enjoy my last weekend before graduation.

By the way, if anybody wants to hire me, that would be fantastic. :)

Cheers to the most awesome 4 years of my life so far.


Anonymous asked:
Have you ever considered fucking a black guy? Or have you already?

I’ve been asked this a few times, and my answer is still the same. No, I haven’t ever been with a black guy. Yes, of course I would consider it. Really what is important is that I find a guy interesting and attractive. And trust me, I have met my fair share of attractive black men. Race isn’t an issue for me at all. If it happens, it happens… Black, white, yellow, green, purple… I’m an equal opportunity kinda girl.


Anonymous asked:
Describe your body

Well, I’m 5'5" but I lied when I went in to get my driver’s license renewed, so if you check my ID it says I’m 5'6". I usually am somewhere between 120 and 130 lbs, depending on the time of year, and the amount of French fries I ate the day before. My hair is sort of a dark blonde/light brown color, and it goes a little past my shoulders, and I have dark green/hazel-ish eyes. I’m not huge in the chest, but not small either, and I have heard from more than a couple people that I have a great ass.

A couple people have actually told me that I look a bit like Rachel McAdams, but I think she is incredibly beautiful and I don’t really see the resemblance. If you ask me, I think the celebrity that I look most like is probably Elizabeth Olsen, but again, that is probably me flattering myself a bit.


Anonymous asked:
Ever had a threesome?

No, not yet anyway. I’d totally do it, just haven’t had the opportunity yet.


Anonymous asked:
Ever given a rim job?

Eww gross. Not my thing, sorry.


Anonymous asked:
In your perfect fantasy scenario, how are you picked up and fucked?

Wow, there is a cool question… Umm, I have this fantasy of being my best friend’s Maid of Honor at her wedding, and getting picked up by some guy that I have never met before at her reception, and being taken away from the party to a hotel room and having my brains fucked out in my Bridesmaid dress while everybody back at the wedding wonders where Courtney went, then I show back up at the party, and I am very clearly “that girl”.

It has nothing to do with this blog, but I’ve had the same fantasy for like 5 or 6 years now. My best friend isn’t even engaged, so it isn’t happening any time soon either, unfortunately.


Graduation Party… OMG.

Hey everybody… Wow. What a week. I had two finals this week, and I graduated on Thursday. I am officially a college graduate. It feels pretty good, I have to say.

But, the purpose of this post is to tell you all what happened at my graduation party after commencement,

So, my whole family came up to see me graduate. It was so awesome to have them all there for me. I am the oldest of 3 siblings, and my parents were both there too. We actually decided to do a joint party, because my bf graduated also, and his family came up too. So after the commencement ceremony, my whole family and his whole family all got together, and did the party thing. I got lots of cards, some awesome gifts, and some cash too (yessss!). We had a barbecue, and grilled a bunch of food, and had all sorts of beer and wine for people… even had a cake with our names on it and a big graduation cap in the frosting.

Everything was going great, I was socializing, and thanking all of our families and friends for coming. We had a lot of friends graduate too, so some of them stopped in for a while, before heading off for their own parties, and then we have a bunch of friends that haven’t graduated yet, so they stayed longer and drank with us, played games, and did all the other stuff you do at graduation parties.

Well, I was having a grand old time, walking around, when all of the sudden, guess who shows up at my party… Brandon. Yeah, that same Brandon from the ski trip. The same Brandon that decided it would be a good idea to show up at my place unannounced while my boyfriend was there.

OMG. I had a little moment of panic. I’m standing there, right next to my freaking dad, and here is this guy showing up at my party that I cheated on my boyfriend with… multiple times. What the hell was he doing here? My whole family was here… My bf’s whole family was here. My mouth felt like I just ate a bag of cotton balls, and literally thought I might pass out when he walked right up to me. At first I thought I wanted to yell at him, to tell him to get lost. But then I realized that doing so would require me explaining myself to everybody at the party, and I didn’t feel like taking the chance of letting anything out. So I swallowed my tongue.

And then my panic gets about 10 times worse. He walked right up to me. What a cocky asshole. He said “hey Court, congrats!” And gives me a big hug, right there in front of my dad. I had to force myself to hug him back, but I thought I was going to die. And then my dad smiles and extends his hand to introduce himself, which he does, and Brandon introduces himself as “Courtney’s friend”. FUCK! Are you serious?!?

I fake a smile, and I’m sure my face is bright red as Brandon stands there talking to my dad about what he is in school for, and how long until he graduates (apparently he has one more year) and stuff like that. So I stand there watching this interaction, hoping I don’t actually have a heart attack at my own graduation party, and trying to think about why the hell Brandon would do this… And then, Brandon looked at me while my dad was talking, and just sort of did a casual smirk and nod in my direction. Didn’t say anything, just that sort of knowing, casual nod. I couldn’t breathe.

He knew exactly what he was doing! I can still see that nod he gave me, complete with that cocky little smirk. It’s burned into my memory of my own party. I remember it better than the Dean’s address at commencement, and it lasted 1/1,000,000th as long.

I had to leave… I just turned and left. I looked around for my bf. I don’t know why I did, but I wanted him to know about this happening at our party. Eventually I found him, and brought him close enough to see Brandon, who by this time was actually hanging out with a bunch of our other friends. He saw him and asked me “what’s he doing here?” I shrugged, and told him I didn’t invite him, which was honest. He just took a few deep breaths, told me not to worry, everything will be ok, and just to enjoy the party, which was much easier said than done.

My mom actually came up to me at one point and asked me if something was wrong… What the heck was I supposed to say? “Yeah mom, that guy over there fucked my brains out behind my boyfriends back, and now I’m panicking that everybody here will find out if he opens his mouth”? Of course I lied, and said that nothing was wrong. She said I looked a little stressed, and I “admitted” that I was just hoping that everybody was having a good time. She assured me that everything was great, and got me a glass of wine, which was her best idea all day.

So, there I am, in the middle of a party for my own graduation, and this guy that has known me, in the most carnal sense of the word - over and over again, is just casually hanging out with my friends and family, being buddy-buddy with my dad, and eating cake with my bf’s sister…

About then, I realized something. The nerve of this guy… The arrogance to show up at a joint graduation party for me and my bf… His attitude of apparently not caring about what he had caused the last time I saw him… His ability to have casual conversations while I was in a semi-panic… My boyfriend not going over to ask him to leave… And most of all, that damn knowing smirk/nod that he gave me…

It all turned me on.


The way forward?

Well, that last post seemed to have got more than a few of you guys interested in seeing what happens next. I had several people ask me if there was a “part two” where Brandon had his way with me after my party.

Well, the truth is that no, he didn’t. The rest of the party was pretty uneventful actually. People stayed and ate cake and had a few drinks, and then went home. I spent the rest of my night that day having dinner with my family and trying -as tactfully as I could manage - to tell my mom to back off when she asked me repeatedly what was next for my future.

A couple of you guys suggested that I let Brandon take me right there at my party while my family and my bf’s family were on the other side of my bedroom door. Ha! I mean, as hot as that might have been in fantasy, doing something like that in reality is just not that practical. It’s way too risky to ever try something like that, and I’m not willing to gamble like that.

A few also suggested that I go ahead and fuck Brandon again, without my boyfriend’s knowledge. Although I realize it is a bit hypocritical of me to say, I don’t think I want to do that again. I don’t want to upset my boyfriend, and if he found out I did that again without his knowledge, particularly after what we agreed to, I think he would really feel betrayed and disappointed. So I’m going to rule that one out too.

One of my followers did suggest something that I did try though… He thought it might be possible to gauge my boyfriend’s interest in me being with Brandon again without risking making him mad if I am able to control the conversation a little bit. So that’s what I did…

A couple of days after the party, I talked with my boyfriend over lunch. I asked him why he thought Brandon came in the first place. He told me that he thought it was one of two reasons… 1- he wanted to see if it would piss us off if he came. And 2 - he wanted to see if I was still interested in him. The first was somewhat true, neither of us was super excited that he showed up, but neither of us was so pissed off that we asked him to leave.

Then we talked about the second point a little more. I admitted to my boyfriend that even though it made me angry that Brandon came to our party uninvited, I did actually find it a little flattering that he might still be interested in me. I told him that his arrogance and cockiness in addition to the guts it took just to show up there was a turn on for me. He asked me why, and I pretty much explained how all women have this “thing” for jerks. I have no idea why, but if know I’m not alone with this. The “bad boy” mystique is a real thing, and even though we know it is probably not the right decision to be with these kinds of guys, we still want to try it. I have no idea why this concept exists, but it does. Ask any woman.

I breached the topic of me maybe being with Brandon again, if he was ok with it. At first he was pretty quiet about the idea. Soon after the silence, he asked me if I had some sort of crush on this guy. I said of course not. I love him, which is why I think Brandon might be a good guy to explore this girlfriend sharing thing with. He didn’t understand what I meant by that, so I laid it out there for him…

I love my bf. I think Brandon is a jerk. I cheated before with Brandon, and it was purely physical. There was no emotional connection there at all really. I told him that if he wants to try sharing me, then there are two possibilities to start us down that path. Either start with someone you don’t know, or start with someone you do. We haven’t had any luck with guys we don’t know thus far. (If any of you don’t know what I mean, see the pottery boy post I made a few weeks ago). I told him that I had been thinking more and more about this, and I think that for the first time in particular, it is important that we both feel comfortable about who I’m going to be with. I told him I would feel comfortable knowing I wasn’t trying to date some serial killer, and that he should feel comfortable knowing I had no real emotional connection to this guy, and that he knew I was coming back to him when it was over.

He seemed to think it over again, and agreed with most of my points, but he said that he wished it wasn’t Brandon that I was interested in. I agreed that he probably isn’t the best solution, but that he was the most realistic possibility if we really do want to try this in the next 2 years.

So then we came to the problem of how do we involve him in this if we do try it. I promised that if he let me do this, I would be in contact with him throughout the whole time, and I agreed give him every little detail about anything he wanted to know when it was over. Lastly, I told him I would respect his decision 100% on this, and whatever he decided he wanted, we would do, and there would be no pressure from me. Then that was it. We sorta let the idea float out there while we finished lunch. We talked about a few more seriously less interesting things, but the majority of the rest of the meal was just each of us thinking.

To be honest, I didn’t know what he was thinking. I was honest though- I feel like I owe it to him to let him decide on this guy, given our past history. In addition, I was completely ok with either possibility… Either I keep looking for a guy to date, and we keep the search going for a while, or I contact Brandon. Really, it was no lose for me at this point. True to my word, I didn’t even bring the topic up again.

Then yesterday, my bf texted me while I was working…

“I think you should talk to Brandon”

Wow! I can’t even begin to describe the intense rush of feelings I had when I saw that text. The first one was the huge sense of relief that I didn’t offend him by this suggestion in the first place. That was followed by a rush of love for him, and pride in our relationship that he would trust me that much. There was also this sense of wrong-ness and dirtiness, that was hot, and a huge boost of self confidence.

When I got off work, I went straight to my bf’s place, and we literally spent the entire time last night in his bed. It was super hot. There was lots of teasing back and forth, this feeling of adventure, and lots of gratitude on my part. I made sure he knew I was very, very thankful of his decision on this matter, and I promised him that I wasn’t going anywhere. I think it made our relationship much stronger in just one night. Funny how mentioning somebody else in bed can do that for two people.

So, that’s where I am right now, and that is where I need some more input from you guys. I haven’t actually contacted Brandon yet. How do I do it? Text? Call? Carrier pigeon? What do I say? Do I play the “angry at him” card? Do I play the “sneaking around again” card? Do I tell him I want to see him, or leave that for him to suggest? Do I contact him immediately or wait a while?

I literally have no idea what I am doing here, so any and every suggestion would seriously be appreciated. Tonight I will be eagerly looking at my phone for any Tumblr messages from you guys.

As for now, I have to go back to work again this evening and try to maintain my composure about this whole thing for at least another night.

Let me know what you guys think

Courtney


A Bunch of Possibilities

I’ve been thinking about things for a week now. I’d like to offer a sincere thank you to those of you that offered suggestions and ideas about how I should proceed from here. There were a few really well thought out responses. I’ll detail a few here, then tell you my opinion of each idea. Keep in mind that it’s been a week since my party, and I haven’t yet talked to Brandon at all. Here there are, in no particular order:

Idea 1 - send Brandon a text and basically tell him that I could see through the facade, and I knew why he showed up at my party, and that it was obvious he still wanted me, but that I couldn’t think of a single reason to be with him again. Basically play coy and hard to get, and make him chase me.

Idea 2 - Forget Brandon all together and keep looking because my boyfriend deserves to have a say in who this guy ends up being, and going back to the guy that jeopardized our relationship in the first place is disrespectful.

Idea 3 - Contact Brandon, and lay down the law, and tell him exactly how it is. Tell him I want him to fuck my brains out, but that if he is going to show up uninvited and without permission it won’t work. Tell him that I’m not willing to jeopardize my relationships with my boyfriend, friends, or family, so unless he is willing to play by my rules, he can forget about me.

Idea 4 - Text him and ask him if he wants to hang out sometime. Leave the ball in his court, in order to gauge his interest in me. If he is willing to hang out sometime, then see which direction things go from there.

Idea 5 - Let my boyfriend decide everything. Give him the control over how good or bad I am with Brandon. Let him decide what I will wear, what I will say, or what I will do with Brandon. Knowing that he is in control over anything that could happen would make it hotter for my bf even though he might not be there, and hotter for me, knowing that he has decided what I am allowed to do at any particular time with Brandon.

Idea 6 - Be pissed off. Tell Brandon that he is a huge asshole, and that I can’t believe that he would be such a prick as to come to a party for our graduation when he wasn’t invited, after all he has put us through. Be the girl that is the forbidden fruit and make him hate my boyfriend, and want to get revenge by trying to steal me away.

Idea 7 - Text Brandon and try the approach that I want to sneak around again. Obviously he’s already gotten off to the fact that I cheated once, so “cheat” again, but this time just come home and tell my boyfriend all about it.


So… Those seem to be the best ideas that you guys came up with. I have spent the last few days thinking about each idea and here are my thoughts on them :

Idea 1 - this might work, if Brandon is actually still interested in me. The benefits for me include the chase… being pursued and courted is fun for women. The downside is that it makes this process take longer, and it’s with a guy that my bf doesn’t really want to see me have any sort of relationship with long term.

Idea 2 - this is probably true, and might be best long term. If my bf and I both commit to finding somebody that is appealing to both of us, there is less of a chance of us hurting our relationship, and more of a chance of this working long term.

Idea 3 - hot idea, and I could probably get exactly what I wanted by doing it. The downside here is that my bf has little to no say in the matter. It is basically telling Brandon that my bf isn’t enough for me, which might make him less inclined to play by any rules I lay down pertaining to my bf. Particularly if I let him be arrogant in the bedroom still, he could be inclined to test the limits outside of it.

Idea 4 - not bad here. I think this is the “play it safe” approach. It’s no commitment either way from me really, and it keeps the doors open for the future. Unfortunately, this doesn’t do anything as far as learning about my relationship situation. I could see myself in the exact same situation as I am now in a week or so, debating what to do next.

Idea 5 - another hot idea. Giving my boyfriend control over everything that May or may not happen when I see Brandon I’m sure is something that would appeal to him a lot. And to be honest, I find it pretty hot too. The problem with this idea is that it is probably the most dangerous. If was only allowed to tease, and bf wasn’t around, who knows how Brandon might act. I like this idea, but it scares me to think of the worst case scenario here.

Idea 6 - good and bad here… I love the idea of him thinking he has a chance to steal me from my bf, and making him work for it. I hate the idea that it would make him hate my bf, and feel like he is in direct competition for me. That might create drama between my bf and any of his other actual friends, and that’s the last thing I want.

Idea 7 - I feel like this is the “easy way out”. And in reality, it might be the best option for maintaining the secrecy thing, but still allowing us to take another step in this little exploration. The downside I see here is that my bf would be less involved, and would never really get to have a say in anything other than hearing about it, and I’m not sure how he would respond to this option.

So… There are good and bad things about each option. To be honest, I’m not sure what I am going to do about this whole thing. I’m more nervous about this whole thing than any test I ever had. The longer I wait, the less likely something is going to happen though, so I feel like I should probably do something soonish.

I think that after laying out all of these possibilities, my best plan is probably to narrow them down to the ones I could see actually being possible, and then talking with my bf about each of the ones remaining. It’s only fair that he is involved and a part of this process too. As much as I appreciate every suggestion, we are the two who are actually living with the consequences of this decision.

I think I’ve already narrowed it down, so I am going to talk to him tonight. I’ll let you guys know what we decide.

Wish us luck.


We have a plan!

Well, that was an interesting conversation!

So, a couple of days ago I posted a list of possibilities with regard to the way I wanted to move forward. I told my boyfriend that afternoon that I wanted to talk to him about a few things, and that I wanted to go out to dinner, so when we were both free that night, he picked me up and we went to dinner.

Dinner was actually really nice. We went to a Mexican restaurant, which is probably one of my favorite kinds of meals, so I was happy. It might also have had something to do with the generous sized margaritas, but I digress…

So, we sat there having dinner, and he asked me what I wanted to talk about. I told him that we both knew the answer to that question, and he did his little sheepish grin again. I told him that I had been thinking a lot since the night he told me he wanted me to contact Brandon again, but that I hadn’t done anything with him at all yet. He asked why not, and I told him that if we wanted to be serious about this, that I thought it was in our best interest to think seriously about the consequences of our decisions. He agreed, so then I told him that I had made a list of possible ways that we could move forward with this.

I then proceeded to go through each one of the possibilities that I posted earlier for you all with him. You will all have to forgive me, as he has no idea I have this blog, so I took credit for all of the ideas myself. After I outlined each possibility, we had an open and honest conversation about each one. I’ve decided to let you guys know what we thought of each one. In the interest of keeping things reasonable (ha!) in length, you will have to scroll to the previous post to read the options again…

Idea 1 - we both really liked this idea after talking about it more. I liked that it was playful and coy without showing our hand - so to speak. My bf really likes the idea that it puts me in control, while making Brandon the “bad guy” in this, without him even realizing it. He really likes the idea of me being the one who controls the situation and how it progresses. I never really considered that angle, but I can see where he is coming from, and I’m willing to give it a shot.

Idea 2- My bf was very sweet when I told him of this idea. He was very sappy about the whole thing while talking about this option. He basically said two things about this… First, he would like to keep looking too, as he doesn’t think that he wants to end up doing things long term with Brandon. Secondly, he said that conversely, he doesn’t want me to wait around for the perfect guy and never explore this fantasy. He would actually prefer that I do talk with Brandon first, just to see if it is something I like. So, we came to an agreement on this idea - he is ok with me being with Brandon again now, as long as I understand his position of wanting to keep looking. (Ummm… So I get to have my cake and eat it too? Damn the luck…)

Idea 3- wow, we both thought that this was a super hot idea. My bf loves the idea of me being this aggressive toward Brandon. I however, am not really in a place yet where I feel comfortable enough to do that. Who knows what might happen in the future, but for now I think this is more fantasy for me and wishful thinking for him, so it will probably have to wait to come into play until we are a little more comfortable. But who knows, if Brandon keeps acting like he has been, maybe I will have to lay down the law. My boyfriend likes that thought a lot.

Idea 4 - We both agreed that this is probably the simple solution, so we didn’t really spend a lot of time on it. It may well come into play as our means of getting the ball rolling, but we didn’t discuss it much other than to agree that it could be a good first step.

Idea 5 - Before discussing this possibility with him, I was sure that this would be my bf’s favorite option. When we discussed it however, he told me that yes, it did sound really hot, but he was more concerned with me deciding what I would be willing to do with other guys. He gets more turned on by me making the decision to be “bad” and not as turned on by making decisions himself and asking me to abide by them. I was pretty shocked by that. Not in a bad way, I just wasn’t expecting it, but I suppose it makes sense, given what he said with regard to idea 1 above. So really, we just decided to shelve this idea. Sorry for those of you that really wanted us to try this.

Idea 6 - Neither of us was too keen on this option. We both thought it had the potential for too much drama and confrontation, so we basically just dismissed it outright.

Idea 7 - another idea with some potential, as it probably has the greatest likelihood to succeed. I thought that my bf would be down on this idea because it prevents him from really ever having a say, other than in hearing about things, but he was actually open to that. He said that he still thought that was hot, so that he might be willing to try that too to see where it went.


Soooo… After compiling our thoughts on each of the ideas over 2-3 really strong margaritas each, we came to the conclusion that we are going to do a little bit of multiple options and really make our own way forward based on what we think is best for us, and our relationship.

We are going to take bits and pieces of ideas 1, 2, 4, and 7, with the possibility of leaving 3 on the table for the future. Here is what we are going to do:

I am going to text Brandon tonight, and tell him that I’ve been thinking a lot about it in the last two weeks, and that it really wasn’t appropriate for him to come to my party, and that he shouldn’t have done that, particularly while my boyfriend was there. Tell him that I am in a relationship and that means I’m off limits to him. If he wants to hang out sometime, that’s cool with me, but he shouldn’t expect anything from me in the future.

Read that again… I’ll wait. You got it? It’s full of mixed messages, right? I’ve been thinking a lot about this (him?) the last two weeks… It’s inappropriate for him to come to my party - while my bf was there… I’m off limits - but let’s hang out sometime… Don’t expect anything - don’t expect it, but maybe…

I want him to get the impression that I can be obtained. I want him to get the impression that he can tempt me into straying again. I want him to think that he is in control and that he is the one corrupting me. I want him to think that he is pulling the wool over my boyfriends eyes, when really, I’m making him do exactly what I want him to. I’m going to let him “make me” cheat again, and my boyfriend is going to know everything about it. My bf even said that he might try to find a way to participate somehow by “offering his ol’ friend Brandon an olive branch some time” just to provide an opportunity for us. And, last but not least, both my bf and I are going to keep looking for other guys we might do the same thing with, or explore other possibilities with in the future.

It’s actually really hot for me to tell you all about this plan. It feels empowering, and more than that it feels like what is right for each of us. Thanks for your comments and suggestions, I hope you will all continue to follow on my adventures even if is wasn’t your preferred method of how I should proceed. I’m sure each of you can agree that real life is sometimes a bit more complicated than what we all fantasize about on occasion.

As for now, I’m headed to work in 15 min, and when I get off tonight… I have a text to send.


June 2014

The conversation with Brandon

So, after I got off work on Thursday, I came home, and just like I said, I texted Brandon. My boyfriend met me at my place, and I spent about 20 min texting back and forth with Brandon. I didn’t let my boyfriend see my phone at all, I picked and chose the parts I wanted him to know, and told him what I wanted him to hear. It drove him absolutely crazy! He loved it.

I will give you the full conversation here so you guys can see what happened… If only my bf knew about this blog… But alas, he will just have to use his imagination. Here we go… I am literally typing this word for word from my phone texts.

Me: Brandon, I’ve spent the last week or so thinking about what you did

Him: what did I do?

Me: don’t play dumb, it was inappropriate for you to come to my graduation party

Him: are you mad about that?

(I didn’t answer that)

Me: you shouldn’t have come, not with [bf] there

Him: I just wanted to congratulate you, relax

Him: should I have come by without him there?

(I didn’t answer that either)

Me: you could have congratulated me over text

Me: or maybe even a phone call sometime

Him: I had fun, your dad is a cool guy

(I remembered that goddamn smirk again!)

Me: you can’t just show up like that Brandon! What if somebody found out?

Him: about what? Nobody knew anything court, relax.

Me: I’m in a relationship you know

Me: that means I’m off limits now

Him: were you off limits when we went snowboarding? And for like 3 months after that?

Me: that’s not the point.

Him: well then what is your point?

Me: I’m [bf]’s girlfriend, clear?

Him: fine

Me: we can still hang out some time, but just as friends. I don’t want you and [bf] to ruin a friendship over a mistake

Me: just don’t expect anything to happen between us again

Him: now you want to hang out? You just said not to come over

Me: I said not to come over like you did before

Him: but you want to hang out sometime?

Me: I said we could, I didn’t say I wanted to

Me: can we just leave it at “friends”?

Him: with benefits?

Me: No! That’s not happening anymore!

(That part was really hot for me)

Him: alright, friends then.

Me: thank you, I’m glad I could get that off my mind. That’s all I wanted to say.

Him: ok, night court

Me: goodnight


That was it. That was the whole conversation, word for word. I’m not exactly sure how it went. Decent I think? I have to say that was pretty close to what I expected, even if it wasn’t 100%. I have my thoughts as to what he’s thinking during that, but I’m curious as to what you all think too.

As for my bf and me, well, like I said, it drove him crazy to see me sitting there texting another guy! Even more so because I wouldn’t let him see everything that was said back and forth. I don’t really know why I did that, it was something I actually thought about while I was driving home from work that same night. When he asked me why he couldn’t see, I told him “you wanted me to be in control of this situation, right? Well I decided you don’t get to see this”

The entire conversation was things he knew about already anyway, so nothing would have come as a surprise to him, I just felt like I would pick and choose the things I told him to tease him a bit, and he loved it. He spent the whole time pacing back and forth in my apartment. At one point I actually had to tell him to sit down because he was making me nervous. It was like every time my phone chimed, he perked up and couldn’t wait to see my face when I read the text. It was actually pretty cute to be honest.

After the conversation was over, we both practically ran upstairs to my bedroom for the night. I think I’m starting to get more and more turned on by how much he is actually into this idea. He doesn’t seem to be changing his mind at all, which is the biggest worry I had when we first started this little experiment. The sex was good. Really good actually. Right as we were about at the grand finale, I whispered in his ear “fuck me Brandon” and HE ABSOLUTELY LOST IT.

This is going to be lots of fun.


I’m back!

Hey guys,

A couple of you sent me comments over the last week wondering if I was ok since I haven’t posted in a week. Thanks for the concern, I am totally fine, I was just out of town with my family for a cousin’s wedding this week. I just walked in the door, and I’m exhausted after being on a plane and eating too much sugar and drinking too much wine this week with my family.

Anyway, I’m back, and I’ll be back to posting soon. I do have one small thing to share that happened before I left for the wedding. But alas, it won’t be tonight - I need some serious beauty rest.

Goodnight.


The first meeting

Hey everybody, I’m recharged a bit after a good night of sleep after the travel from yesterday, so I thought I would catch you guys up on something that happened early last week before I went away for 4 days…

So, after the text conversation I had with Brandon, we hadn’t really spoken with him much. We know what we wanted to do with him, but we hadn’t yet had the opportunity to act on it. So last Tuesday we decided to do something about that.

My boyfriend actually made some calls to his friends and former classmates. These are the same group of friends we went on the ski trip with last winter. However, I specifically told him not to call Brandon. He called a few others, and just said to them that he wanted to get together and see everybody and have dinner and maybe do something fun. He called three of his friends in that group, and told them to pass the word around.

We wanted to see if Brandon would show up again without a direct invitation from us, so we told people that we were going to have a summer barbecue at my bf’s house and “the more the merrier”

We made a grocery run, which was a lot harder than you think it should be, because we really had no idea how many people were going to show up. We got a lot of burgers, some corn of the cob, some watermelon, a bunch of good beer… The whole nine yards.

People started showing up at his house at about 6 or so, and it was actually a really good time. It was really fun to catch up with a few of them, even though we had way too much food. The whole time we were eating and having a few drinks, my bf and I kept giving each other these little glances/shrugs because Brandon never showed up, even though there were probably about 5or 6 of his group of friends there, most of whom brought a sig. other as well.

Dinner was a good time, and about 8:30 or so, after we had finished off with the eating and chit-chat, somebody got the idea that it would be fun to go bowling. Now, for those of you that remember the post about my pool playing prowess, my bowling skills are roughly on par… But what the hell, right? It sounded like fun, so we all jumped in a couple of cars and drove over to the bowling alley. My bf drove, and I told him on the way there that I had decided I was going to take matters in to my own hands, he agreed that I should, so I texted Brandon “we are all going bowling at 9 if you want to come”. Right as we pulled into the parking lot, he answered me… “Cool”

Have any of you ever been cosmic bowling? I thought we were just going to go standard bowling… But apparently we were there on cosmic bowling night. For cosmic bowling, they turn the lights down low, and have a bunch of black lights all over. Then they use painted pins that glow green or purple or orange, and turn up the music loud. If this was my only bowling experience ever, I might have even been convinced that bowling was somewhat enjoyable, particularly when you get to split a few pitchers of beer while doing it.

There were 9 of us that ended up going bowling, so we had two adjacent lanes. We put the 5 girls on one lane, and 4 guys on the other, because they are more competitive, and we were more friendly with each other. The first game I bowled a 71. Yeah, I know. I’m a pro - try not to be jealous.

About three quarters of the way through the first game, Brandon showed up. My bf and I saw him at about he same time. Such a rush! It is a really bizarre feeling seeing someone that you know your boyfriend wants you to sleep with. It’s really hard to describe. Lust, shame, pride, nervousness, and excitement all wrapped up into one little ball of hot mess. I had to keep my cool… After all, we were just friends, right? Brandon joined the guys lane, and things were going just fine. I smiled at him a little bit, and gave him sort of he “hey” head nod, but nothing overtly flirtatious.

After I finished one of my turns during the second game, it happened to be my bf’s turn on the other lane, and while he was up bowling, Brandon sat down next to me. He said “hey friend, thanks for the invite”. And I said “sure. I’m glad you could make it”. And then, I just got up and walked away. It was so hard to walk away. I was that close… He was sitting right next to me, he was right there… If he would have touched me, put his hand on my knee or something, I probably would have died. My heart was racing! In hindsight, walking away was probably the best possible thing to do though. We want him to think I’m off limits, we want him to corrupt me. We want him to work for it. I didn’t find out until later that my bf totally saw Brandon sitting next to me right en, and he told me he couldn’t even attempt to concentrate on his turn. He said he blames me for him losing that game because he for a 1 and a 0 on his two shots on that turn. Oh well, I’ll take the blame for that i suppose.

After we finished bowling, we all went our separate ways, but when we said our goodbyes, Brandon gave me a hug in the parking lot. While hugging me, he said “it was good to see you tonight Court”. And I said “you too”. He said “we should hang out more often” and I answered him back “yeah, maybe we should”

Things are starting to happen…

I wanted to go home with him… I really did. My bf even told me in the car that it would be fine if I had. But I don’t want that. That is too easy, to just call him and tell him to come over or something. I want to stick to our plan and make him be the bad guy. I want to be untouchable for him… Make him try harder, even if it does drive me crazy.

I got up the next morning and met my family at the airport for my cousin’s wedding, so I haven’t talked to Brandon since. I’m trying to figure out the next excuse I can come up with to see him. I’d love to hear your ideas. Oh, and in case anybody was wondering, no, I wasn’t maid of honor at this wedding, but yes, it was enjoyable and fun to see my extended family. :)

Anonymous asked:
Hello courtney, Did you and bf get it on after bowling? Has your sex life changed or is it the same since you started the plan?

Actually no, not that night. I had to go home and pack for the trip for my cousin’s wedding. (I know, I’m a procrastinator) we did talk in the car, and he told me he thought it was really hot that I would invite Brandon to go bowling after he didn’t show up at our dinner. We have been talking about what it might mean if the only way I can see him is to specifically invite him out somewhere. It may be worth arranging for an “accidental” meeting somewhere, but I haven’t really got that far yet.

As for our sex life… Ever since we made this plan, it has both changed and stayed he same… For example, the frequency is roughly the same, but the pillow talk and conversation has definitely changed. It pretty much drives him wild when I bring this up during sex, and he loves the idea of me being the one in control of the whole thing. That is never something I really pictured myself doing, but I have to admit, seeing him turn into putty for me is pretty hot. I could see myself continuing with, and potentially exploring more into that part of our sex life.


More on the side?

It’s been a while since I have posted, so I figured I would keep you all in the loop with what is happening in my life lately.

After the bowling thing and the bowling last week, and then a few days away at wedding, my boyfriend and I sat down and talked about our next move with getting Brandon to try to corrupt me. This is actually turning into a harder route than we had planned.

I mean, sure, I could probably call him up and tell him that my bf was gone for a while, and have him come over, but that would be too easy. Then we are right back in the same position with him knowing I’m willing to cheat. So, what we want to do is figure out ahead of time how to “accidentally” run into him out in public somewhere.

I’m having a tough time with planning this. It’s quite challenging to arrange an “accidental” meeting with someone. It takes a lot of planning. I feel like I am letting you guys down with nothing really on the Brandon front to report.

However… If I may shift gears for a bit here…

This weekend, because of the difficulty trying to plan this meeting, my boyfriend and I talked a lot about the other part of our plan. The part where I agreed that it wouldn’t just be Brandon. We talked about how he would love it if I met a new guy too, so, we put that part of our plan into play as well.

I signed up for two online dating services. So, for those of you that think you know where I am… feel free to look me up. There are actual pictures of me and everything if you think you are up to the challenge. We made profiles at OKCupid and Zoosk.com. That’s not an endorsement of either site though. I haven’t ever done an online dating thing before, and I have no idea which are the best ones for getting dates. Again, if you guys know of better sites for that kind of stuff, I’m all ears. I’m still pretty new to the world of trying to pick up a side relationship. Also, I have no idea how much interest they might generate, and I don’t really know how active I’ll be on those sites for now. I’d just like to see what the response is like, the. I will make an assessment.

It was actually a lot of fun, because it was my idea to do it, but I made my bf write everything about my profile for me. He included important things like body type, hobbies, interests, and what I’m looking for… And conveniently left out the small details like “I have a boyfriend”. He even offered to pay for 3 month memberships for me. Maybe if there is some progress with new guys through them, I will extend them further. We even created a new email address on yahoo that we will use for correspondence for these accounts, because neither of us wants our inbox full of ridiculous spam. We both know the password, so we can both look at any potential new candidates.

It was interesting while we were doing this, because by saying that I am single on these profiles, we generated two potential problems. First, my bf is basically admitting that if any guys do show interest, he can’t really be a part of it, other than to hear about any dates after the fact. Second, because we actually made real profiles for me, we are running the risk of someone we know seeing them. We had to come to some decisions with regard to each possibility.

First, my bf assured me that he was ok with not being there, as long as he could vet the guys that might contact me, and we could talk about them before I made any actual contact with them. Additionally, he told me that since none of e guys knew he existed, we might be able to do the same thing we have done before, where he watches from a distance. We did that before, and it seemed to work out well for each of us, so I’m ok with that if he is. We will see how it goes.

Second issue was a little more tricky. If somebody we knew saw my profile, we eventually settled on a plan that would allow is each to comfortably explain ourselves to whoever might some asking… We decided that, hypothetically, we made the profile for me in order to settle a bet. He thinks that I am so attractive that I would generate interest from hundreds of guys… I on the other hand, think that the only people that use online dating sites are creepers and losers. The bet is simply to see who is correct. It’s completely innocent, and I have no intention of ever meeting anybody from one of these sites, so it’s a harmless bet. (Sounds good, right?)

As far as anybody else would know, he is just being a proud and loving boyfriend, and I’m just being a modest and content girlfriend. No harm no foul. If only they knew the real reason…

So, that’s it for the update. No real progress with Brandon recently, but open to other guys now too.

The anticipation builds.


Anonymous asked:
Have you put anymore thought into posting nudes of yourself?

Ummm no. There was never a possibility of me posting nudes. I never needed to put any more thought into it. I’m not dumb, I know that once a picture is on the internet it never really comes down. That will not happen, ever. I’m not even sorry about that.

However, that’s not to say I won’t ever post a regular shot of me sometime. Currently I still have no plans to, but I’ve always been open to that possibility somewhere down the line I might decide to post my pic. Maybe after I reach 1000 followers or something. Ha!


Anonymous asked:
Hi. Love the blog. I have two questions. First, do you think your new lifestyle (for lack of a better word) could be part of a lifelong relationship? Could you see yourself marrying someone who shared this sexual interest? Second, do you have advice for a guy who shares this fantasy but isn't sure whether or how to try it with a partner in real life. Thanks!

Ummm, I don’t really know, to be honest with you. I am 22 years old (23 pretty soon) and I feel like I still have so much of my life to live, that I haven’t really even considered marriage yet. In order to accurately answer that question I have to actually experience this “lifestyle” first, which I haven’t really done yet. After I know how it makes me feel, how it makes my bf feel, how it makes me anxious or scared, or turned on, or what have you, then I will know if it might be something for me long term. Until then, I honestly don’t know yet.

As for the second point, I’m not sure I’m the best person to offer advice. For me, I cheated behind my boyfriends back, and he eventually found out about it. It just so happened that this sort of idea turned him on. He had never really mentioned it before he caught me, so I really didn’t even know this kind of fetish existed. I would say that for any sort of fantasy you might have, it might go over better if you asked her about hers first. Tell her that you want her to be satisfied, and make it about her pleasure… After a while, she is bound to ask about some of yours. Start with some more tame ones, then work your way up to more crazy ones depending on how she reacts to each one. What it all comes down to though, is that you know your partner way better than anybody else does, particularly me. Everybody will react differently to this kind of stuff, and nobody on Tumblr is going to be able to give you the perfect plan for your situation. Go with what you feel is best.

That would be my advice, good luck!


Anonymous asked:
Have you had any "nibbles" on either of your dating profiles? And a statement rather than a question. I enjoy your writing style. It's sensual & smart rather than slutty or blunt. Hope to read lots more.

Actually no. Nothing yet of any consequence. It’s early though, I’m going to give it at least a few weeks and see what happens. Thanks very much for the compliment. I feel like there are tons of Tumblr blogs that have no real content, and are just porn feeds. I try to be a little more personal and cerebral. Glad you are enjoying it.


Massive update post!

Well, hello there… How’s it going Tumblr? Nice to see you again.

Boy is my blog in need of an update. Wow, what a week it’s been.

Where to begin? I suppose we should start with the most important thing, even if it isn’t necessarily the most interesting. Last Tuesday I got a call from a company that I had submitted a resume to for my first ever “real job” shortly after graduation. I was pretty thrilled, as I wasn’t really expecting to hear back from them at all, let alone this soon. He job would be pretty cool (at least it sounds that way) and it is local, which means I wouldn’t have to move at all if I didn’t want to. So I was pretty excited. They wanted to interview me on Wednesday, which was perfect because it was my one day off last week. So, after work at my current college-job on Tuesday, I stopped and bought myself a new cute business professional blouse. I know most of you probably don’t care too much, but if any of you ladies read this, you will know what I mean. Getting new clothes that fit right and look good just makes you feel awesome, but I digress… So I went in on Wednesday morning for the interview, and felt like I did a really good job with it. It seems like a decent place to work, and at the end they actually asked me to come back on Friday for a second interview, and to meet the people I would be most closely working with. So, of course I did that on Friday. They bought me lunch, and it was really productive. I was even prepared to answer all the salary - yeah salary - questions they had. I was pretty happy with myself for being so calm on the outside when they told me what the position paid. It is waaaaay more than I’m making now, and would be pretty bad ass. Pretty good benefits too! Anyway, at the end of the interview they said that they had two great candidates, (me and somebody else) so they were going to decide over the weekend and let me know sometime early this week. It didn’t happen today, so I am on pins and needles as to when they will call. I suppose I can look at the bright side and say that even if they don’t offer me the job, at least I still have some income. I’ll keep you guys posted. It sure would be awesome to land my first Big-Girl job this soon out of school.

Ok, what’s next… An update on the online dating thing…

So far there has been only passing interest. A couple of guys here and there, but really nobody that has even interested me enough to try a date with. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, so it’s kinda hard to come up with criteria to judge somebody by. I think the most important thing is just that there is some degree of personalization. I have probably had 50 or so responses total. Of those, a good 30 of them don’t have a picture at all… Wow, way to impress the ladies there silhouette of a man’s head… right away those ones are out. Then of the 20 or so that actually put a picture up the vast majority - probably 10 to 15 - simply just click check boxes. “Outdoor activities” check. “Social drinker” check. “Good listener” check. Oh my God, is it just me or are all of these profiles mind-numbingly dull?? I mean for Pete’s sake, tell me that you prefer martins to beer… Tell me that you like to go rock climbing or running… Tell me that you listen best when you are at a concert and you have to scream at the person next to you to be sure they hear you… Something! Consider this a hint for any of you guys out there that may try this whole online dating thing… Show some personality. Girls don’t want to date check boxes. I’m pretty sure this is universal here. Put yourself out here, make somebody smile or laugh or be nostalgic or have some kind of emotional reaction to your profile, and she is 10 times more likely to answer you back. Geeze… (Stepping off my soapbox now). Ok, so of the guys remaining, there are like 2-3 that might be worth exploring a little. Keep in mind my ultimate goal here, so there has to be at least some level of physical attraction for me. So far, all I have done is answer a few guys and ask them a few more questions about themselves. No dates. Still waiting for a guy who is all things… Personable, attractive, humorous and ready to try to sweep me off my feet. A couple of my followers suggested I join Ashley Madison. I had never heard of that before, so I went and checked it out. It’s hard to gauge the success rate for something like that. Has anybody out there had success with that site before? Is it worth joining? Any feedback would be appreciated a lot. Until then though… The online dating thing so far seems to be moving at a snails pace.

Ok, and now finally on to what 95% of you come here for… An update about me and Brandon…

Ok, so last time I updated, I was sort of stuck. I was trying to figure out a way that I could meet up with Brandon and make it seem “random”. Well, for a couple of days after that post I went through a bunch of ideas, and none of them seemed to be realistic. At one point I actually considered making my boyfriend sit outside his house and follow him until he went to the grocery store or something so he could call me and I could show up… But that seemed a little impractical, and more than a little ******rish, so I scrapped it.

Then, on my way to work one day I got probably the perfect idea… I was driving past a big sporting goods store, and they had a big tent set up outside in the parking lot. They had a huge banner hung on the side “2013 Winter Sports Closeout!” This idea just popped into my head, and I was sort of kicking myself for not thinking of it earlier. I spent the whole time I was working texting back and forth with my bf to make sure he was on board with it. After assuring me that he liked the idea, we agreed to go forward with it.

When I got home, I texted Brandon. I told him that I was thinking about buying a snowboard and some boots for next season. (Hey, who knows, maybe I’ll go with him again) I told him that this place was having a closeout sale on all 2013 model year stuff, but that I didn’t really know what was good quality, and which stuff sucked. I told him that he was the best snowboarder I knew, and I asked him for recommendations on what I should buy. He was a little hesitant at first, because he obviously remembered how terrible I am at snowboarding, but after assuring him that I was serious, he eventually agreed to help me. He sent me a few texts with good brand names for boards, boots, and bindings… I had no idea that you had to buy bindings separately. That’s how big of a rookie I am at this… But who can pass up a 70% off sale for brand new stuff?? I told myself that If we were talking shoes or clothes, I would have already bought them.

His lost was long, and at the end of a text chain that lasted 20 min or so, I just came right out with it and said “look, I don’t really know what I’m getting into here, and I don’t want to get ripped off, or buy something that sucks, or hurts my feet after using it once, so would you be willing to meet me there and help me pick out some stuff?”

That was it. That was my “in”. He agreed, and the next evening I went to the sporting goods sale while my boyfriend stayed home. Brandon was already waiting for me in the parking lot when I got there, and the second I saw him it was this huge rush of excitement and deviousness and heat that I felt. I gave him a hug when I got out of the car, and he spent the next 45 min or so helping me look at boots, telling me what to be looking for with feel, with flexibility, and price. Then we went to the boards and he taught me about composition and edge strength, and rigidity… (I was thinking about other kinds of rigid things). And after that was done, we got bindings taken care of too.

It was a weird feeling, being out there, shopping with him. I was pretty much just going word for word with his recommendations on things. He told me not to go with top of the line stuff, but not bottom of the line either. He said he wouldn’t want me to regret it and not like snowboarding because I spent too much on it, just like I wouldn’t like it if I had crappy equipment. I was just lost. I stared at him, and shook my head, and answered when he asked me stuff, but it would be straight up lying to you all if I told you I remember everything we talked about with regard to buying my gear. My mind was racing, I was hoping that something could happen here, wishing that it would, wondering what my boyfriend was doing… “Huh? Oh yeah, I suppose I do need a snowboard leash too, don’t I?” Was I really going to buy all this stuff, or was this just a ploy to get him to meet me somewhere? I decided that I would go through with it and buy everything he recommended… Because… Who the heck cares, right? You only live once, and I might as well learn how to actually snowboard now.

At the end of this trip we went up to the register and rung up everything… $746. Geez-us! I had a bit of a panic attack there for a second. That may not be that much, but to somebody just out of college, that is like asking them to carve out a k**ney or something. But then the dude at the register did whatever discount-sale-wizardry he was supposed to do, and the price dropped to $312. (Quick tangent here - do you ever wonder if stores show you full price before applying discounts so you feel much better handing over the sale price when you see it? I’m pretty sure there is some kind of psychology 101 concept here, but that’s a topic for elsewhere). So anyway, I pay my $312, and I am now the proud owner of brand new last-season model snowboard gear. As I was walking out the door with everything, I reminded myself that now I will actually have to use it next winter. Either that, or sell it on **********. Ha!

And after I loaded everything in the trunk of my car, I turned and gave Brandon a hug, and told him thank you for helping me pick out everything. He asked me if this meant I wanted to go snowboarding again. I don’t know if that was “code” for something or not, but if it was, I’m pretty sure I picked up on what that meant. I said “yeah, maybe”. And then it happened… He kissed me. Oh my god. He just leaned in and went for it. I was trying to be coy, so I pushed him back. I didn’t want to. I wanted to screw his brains out right there in the parking lot. But remember, he is corrupting me. He said “Courtney, nobody has to know, and kissed me again. I almost lost it. Seriously, I wanted to go home with him right there. It took every ounce of my willpower to push him away again right then. I don’t know why I said this, but after that second kiss I said "no, not now”.

I don’t honestly know how he will take that. Maybe he thinks of it like “not now” in my life? Maybe “not now” at this store? Maybe “not now, but maybe tomorrow? I really don’t know how he took it. I didn’t wait for him to answer. I said "I gotta go, and got in my car and left. I sorta hated myself for it. I don’t know why I did it. I mean, this is what my boyfriends wants, and we agreed to try, but for some reason, I wasn’t ready to give in yet. I want him to work for it a little more. I want him to finally take it, and not let me get in my car and drive away. The parking lot of a sporting goods store is not the most opportune place for such a thing.

My boyfriend and I had sex again that night. I told him everything that happened. He loved it. He wanted me to do more. Other times when he has said that he wants me to "keep going” I have always said something to the extent of “I will babe, eventually, if you really want me to”. More of a soft promise and reassurance that I am willing to indulge in this fantasy of his. That night I didn’t really give him that same kind of “if you really want me to” out. When he told me that he would have been ok with it if I went home with Brandon that night, I just flat out told him “next time, I’m going to fuck his brains out. Not because you want me to - I’m going to fuck him because I want to, and I’m the one calling the shots here”

This is going to happen. Soon.

So… There you have it guys. That is the last week and a half-ish in a nutshell. I hope you will forgive my Tumblr absence for a while. As a way to make up to you all, I’ll be online all night tonight, and most of tomorrow night too. Feel free to send me messages or asks, and I promise a personal reply for each of them if they aren’t anonymous.

I hope you all have a fabulous week.

-Courtney