CCG 2015 #2

August 2015

Getting Back in the Game?

Hey Tumblr, how’s it going? Its been a while since I last told you of my exploits, or attempted exploits I should say.

Not going to lie, it’s been a bit of a dry spell for me on this front. The bf and I are doing fine. Sex is fine, tender and loving like it always is… but there is an itch. A growing anxiety to try something new and risqué. So, I went back through all of those suggestions you guys sent in for ideas to meet guys.

When we last spoke, I was asking for your help on coming up with ideas on how to meet new guys. A couple of you came up with some real suggestions, and for those, I sincerely thank you.

Some of you guys are really forward. I got suggestions that ranged from “go up to a guy in a bar and tell him you need him to fuck you because your boyfriend can’t” (not quite my style) to “get your boyfriend to take you on vacation to a nude beach” (while the vacation part does sound fun, a nude beach with strangers is a bit intimidating for me, so that’s a no go too)

However, I did manage to take one idea that came in, and thought about it a while, until I decided I liked it a lot.

Out of the blue, I decided I was going to do it. I told my boyfriend one morning before work that I had an idea for meeting new guys, but when he asked what it was, I told him that he would have to wait until after work. He hated that - but I know he loved it too, even if he didnt say as much. I let him stew on it the whole day. Im sure his imagination was going crazy all day.

When we met back up for dinner that night, he was almost frantic. “What is it Court? What do you want to do? Do you have somebody in mind already?” I let him panic a bit and had some wine while we ate dinner. He hardly touched his food. Do I really make him that nervous?

“Here is the deal,” I said, “agree to me trying something new to spice things up, or don’t. That’s it. Im not telling you what it is until you agree.”

He WAS nervous. I could tell - his palms were all sweaty and left hand prints on the table when he moved them. I could only imagine the sorts of things that he thought I might be considering. “Yes or no [bf]?” I stared at him. He didnt answer right away. Not knowing what he was agreeing to. I decided to give him a little nudge in the right direction via a little reassurance.

“Ok, I will tell you that it’s totally safe, and you will be involved. If anything were to happen, you would know who, when, where… all that.” He thought about it a little more. “Ok. Lets try it I guess. What is it?”

“Soccer”

“Soccer? What do you mean?”

I got up from the table and got my iPad, and brought it over, and pulled up a webpage. There is a fall coed soccer recreational league that is put on by the city. No practices, no formality, just completely for fun, slightly competitive games at the park one day a week, for 8 weeks in August and September for people 18-35.

I explained that worst case scenario, he would get to watch me run around and get all hot and sweaty. Best case scenario, I meet a guy I like, and he gets to watch me flirt with him while I’m hot and sweaty.

He asked if I wanted him to join too. Nope. This is for me. He asked how I thought he would be involved. I told him the way I saw it, he had two options: he could either be.my loving boyfriend who sits on the sideline to support me because he has some sort of knee/leg injury and cant play; or he can be random guy who shows up to the games to watch, but I have no idea who he is… I told him he had some time to decide which he wanted, but the registration deadline was only a few days away, and I was signing up. He had already agreed to it.

So I did. I registered, and in doing so, I had two options: pick an already assembled team with known teammates, or join one as a “free agent” and basically just get assigned to an open spot. I picked the latter, having no idea what team to pick… I paid my registration fee, and got an email thanking me for enrolling, and telling me there would be another email with my team assignment and roster sent to me by the team captain as soon as registration closed.

Two days later, and I got a group email from a guy named David thanking me for joining. I am officially a member of a rec soccer team! Woo Hoo!?

According to this David guy, we are just known now as “Team 4” but we can pick a new name at any time. Our team color is red, and our games will be every Thursday night, - weather permitting. We have 16 people total, 9 guys and 7 girls, and we have to play 11 people at a time, as close to even numbers of guys/girls on the field as possible. So… that means I will definitely be playing most of the time. We play every other team at least once, some of them twice.

So… here goes nothing. Thursday nights, starting in 4 days. Im going to have to get a red tshirt and some socks, and probably some shin guards and shoes too… this should be fun. At least I will get some exercise.

Here’s to hoping Im not on a team of ugly people!

Although, “Team 4” is way too boring. So send your name suggestions and I will bring them - double entendres encouraged ;) - to the first game on Thursday.


It’s Game Day!

Hey err’body! I’m on my lunch break at work, typing this on my phone, so this won’t be a long post. Just wanted to say a few things…

It’s game day! The first of 8 games is today. Yesterday after work, I went to a sporting goods store and bought myself some cleats, shin protectors, and long red socks. I figure I will wear those with a red tank top and some black shorts, and see what happens…

Thanks for all the team name suggestions. Some of them were quite creative. My favorites, in no particular order:

The Grass Rollers

The Pumpkin Eaters (as in Cheater, Cheater…)

The Expert Headers

The Easy Scores

Make a Messi Outta Me*

Deep Penetrators

Ball Handlers

Man-Chest-Hair United

ABCDE-FC

Balls Deep

Multiple Scoregasms

Black Widows

Grass on the Field



Out of all of those, I think my personal favorite is “Make a Messi Outta Me”. Because it’s meaning has a totally different context, depending on who I’m talking to… Get it??

Alright, back to work. Game time is tonight at 7:30. I’ll let you know how it goes with the name suggestions and the game… Oh, and if there are any hot guys on the team ;)


The First Game

Well… That was fun!

I got off of work on Thursday, and I was a bit later than I thought I would be getting home, so I was a little bit rushed to get everything together for the game. The game was supposed to start at 7:30, and I wanted to be there early to meet people and stretch a little bit so I didn’t actually hurt myself out on the field. But it was about 6:15 when I got off, so I had to hurry. I grabbed some food to go on my way home, and called my boyfriend to talk about what he wanted to do for the evening as I was driving home.

When I decided to do this soccer thing, I told him that he could either be somebody I knew, or a stranger when it came to the soccer games. I didn’t know which one he would want though.

He asked me which I would prefer, so I told him my honest thoughts on the matter. I told him if he was “my friend” who came to watch and support me, then if there were any guys who were interested in me, they might not make a move, thinking that we were together or at least sorta-dating. I told him that if it was my choice, he and I would be strangers. As we were talking about it, I had a thought… If he was a “stranger”, but yet still showed up to every game for 8 weeks, it might get weird. I could see people saying “"there’s that weird guy again” “what’s his deal?” And stuff like that. I didn’t want it to be super awkward for him, or for me, so I told him that he could come, but he should come, but sorta keep a little distance so people didn’t notice him as much.

We talked on the phone while I changed out of my work clothes and put on the shorts and red tank top, and threw my shoes, socks and shin guards in a backpack, and stuffed a grilled chicken wrap in my mouth, and got back in my car. My boyfriend said he would meet me there.

I got to the park around 6:40. I grabbed my backpack and walked to the field that the email from David had listed on the schedule/welcome email he sent out earlier. Luckily, there were already 3 people there on the sidelines wearing what appears to be “Team 4″ red. Two girls, and 1 guy, looked to be in their late 20s or early 30s… Not too bad. I went up and introduced myself. Turns out the guy was David, the team captain. We shook hands, and he thanked me for joining, and introduced me to the other two girls there already. Kelsey and Shauna. Two nice girls, seemed like they were pretty normal. I sat in the grass and pulled my stuff out of my backpack, and put my flip flops, car keys and phone back in. As I was putting on my shoes, two other guys came up to join our group… And then another guy/girl that looked like a couple… And another guy… They all just starts streaming in. Most of them wearing some variation of red clothes.

We all kinda milled about a little, stretching, running around a little, introducing ourselves. And when just about everybody was there, this David guy called everybody together and asked if anybody had any preference of what position they wanted to play. I had no idea really. I hadn’t really played organized soccer since I was like 6, and I was sure other people would have more of a preference than me. We actually had one girl named Kelly who said she played goalie in college. Done. She could have it. Nobody argued with her, and everybody agreed that she was probably best for our chances too.

I ended up playing defense. No idea what I was doing… But I had a lot of fun. I was sorta checking out guys when I wasn’t running around. It was fun. I even managed to avoid embarrassing myself when the ball actually came to me. I stopped a couple of people from getting passed me, and even stole the ball from a guy on the other team. Forgive me for anybody who plays, but I don’t know all the proper terminology.

I noticed about halfway through the game that I hadn’t seen my boyfriend at all. He must have been doing a pretty good job of keeping his distance. Which was fine. It didn’t worry me, I was sure that he was enjoying watching.

We ended up winning the game too 6-1. Which was pretty rad. Turns out that this Kelly girl really was our best bet for goalie. She was pretty much a b**st in there. I’m guessing we are gonna keep her around. In addition, we have two guys that are pretty good too, David and Ian. I think they each scored twice. Defense was ok. I had fun, but I think I might want to try to mix it up and try to score myself in future games too. And I think that should be fine - it’s rec soccer after all.

After the game, and handshakes for the white team, we all sorta gathered up, and high fived each other a few times, and hung out for a while talking. Some people left, but a few of us (myself included) decided to stay and watch two of the other teams play a game after ours.

It was cool. I felt pretty comfortable. It wasn’t insanely competitive, and it wasn’t stupidly boring either. Lots of laughing, lots of cheering for each other and high fives all around. Nobody on my team is ridiculously ugly, or ridiculously mean, so that is a good start. But none of the guys hit on me overtly either, so that is a little less promising, but maybe that will change.

We didn’t really talk about the team name thing. I didn’t bring it up yet. I sorta want to feel these people out a little bit before I go suggesting some silly name with a double entendre that might offend someone if they are too lame. Maybe next week we can get there.

Here is what did happen though… A lot of us agreed that the games would be much more fun if we went out for drinks as a team afterwards, win or lose. So that is what we are planning for this week’s game: after-game drinks. Maybe there will be some promise there… Who knows.

When I finally left, I called my boyfriend to see where he was. It turns out that he had a pretty good idea. He actually sat on the opposite sideline the whole game, and wore a hat, so I didn’t even recognize him. It was such a good idea, actually, that we decided that he should stick with that plan for future games too.

So he’ll watch, from the other sideline, as I do my best to get picked up by other guys. Here goes nothing… Bring on the Blue team. :)


Another Win, and Another Option

Game 2 was this past Thursday. It went pretty well - I met my team before hand, and we were all in pretty good spirits after last weeks game. My boyfriend came too, but kept his distance, just like we had agreed. He was at a completely different field before the game, and only came over to the opposite sideline when we started. As soon as I met the other members of my team We started talking about who wanted to play where for this game, and the only one that we all agreed should probably stay in the same place as last week was our goalie Kelly. She was fine with that, so that was easy.

While this conversation was happening, I decided to sorta float out a little bit of innuendo, just to gauge the reaction of the guys. I spoke up and said that I would like to try something different than defense. I said “because I really want to score tonight”. I know that is sorta cheesy and cliché, but it had the desired effect, as a couple of them laughed. I’m sure they assumed it was all innocent. It was half innocent… I really do want to score a goal, but, I want to score in the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the living room…) too. That seemed to be fine with everybody else, so I got to play forward for this game.

The game itself was fun, but not as fun as the first one. The most interesting thing that happened was actually a fight between one guy on our team (the Ian guy I mentioned before) and a guy from theirs. Not a fist fight, they were just being pretty competitive, and got in each other’s faces when our guy knocked the other guy down. It was getting a little heated before a few of us (myself included) stepped in and broke it up before it could actually become a fight. The referee gave them both warnings, and threatened to kick hem out of the game, and that pretty much served to stop most of the stuff after that. There were a few times later, when I heard them trade insults with each other during the game, but they were out of earshot of the ref, so they never actually got in trouble for it.

I really wanted to score. I really did. But that is a problem when you aren’t that great at soccer. I did, however, manage to get an assist. I had no idea that I had even done that until somebody congratulated me for getting one, and I had to ask what it was. Basically, I just passed the ball to a guy that eventually scored. I didn’t know that was a thing in soccer. But hooray! I am going to score a goal though. At some point during the next 6 weeks, Mark my words.

We ended up winning again. It wasn’t the 6-1 beat down like last time, but it was 3-2 good guys when we were done. We are 2-0 now. At the end of the game, during the handshakes with the other team, the “almost in a fight” guy was still in uber competitive mode and was saying things like “you guys got lucky” and “we’re gonna destroy you guys next time”. Real tough guy.

The best part of the whole night was afterward, when most of my team went to a bar close by and had some celebratory drinks. I had told my boyfriend about going out to the bar after the game, and he said he was totally fine with it, but I told him I didn’t want him to come. At least not this time. Maybe another time if we go out again, but I didn’t really have a plan for keeping him out of sight, and I didn’t plan on making any overt moves to get somebody to take me home, so I figured that we had some time.

I drank a couple of cocktails. Upon recommendation from some teammates, I tried my first Moscow mule ever. Delicious. I think I could probably drink about 7 of those, but I only had two. The conversation was mostly pretty bland… We talked about jobs, hobbies, and a bunch of other stuff… But mostly pretty tame. Ian was still pretty steamed about the guy that got in his face during the game, the rest of us didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I brought up the fact that “Red Team” is a pretty lame name, and that we really needed to have a better name. Pretty much everyone there agreed, so we all thought we would think about it for a week and bring suggestions to next week. I didn’t throw out the name suggestions I already came up with, because I wanted them to think that this thought was organic, and hadn’t been planned. I will float the names next week and see what happens.

I went home, and called my boyfriend. I didn’t see him, because by the time I was back, it was almost 11, and I had to be up early for work, so a phone call had to suffice. I asked him how he liked the game, and I could tell from the way he answered that he was pretty ho-hum about it. I’m sure he would have liked to see me flirt with some more of the guys more, but I’m still warming up to that, so it didn’t happen yet. I could sense a little more disappointment in his voice when I told him that nothing happened at the bar either. These things take time.

What was interesting, however, was that he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I honestly didn’t really realize how soon my birthday was. It’s this coming Tuesday… Already. 24. Geeze, where did this year go? I didn’t have a good idea of what I wanted, so I told him I would get back to him. I asked him if he would take me to an early birthday dinner on Saturday (tonight) because having your birthday on a Tuesday is a pretty lame night. I spent a good portion of Friday and this morning trying to figure out something to ask for… I really don’t need anything. He doesn’t have money to spend on something like jewelry or something, so I wasn’t going to ask him for that. And, while eu can be nice when unexpected, birthday flowers are so predictable and standard, so I didn’t want those either. I needed something that was personal, but didn’t cost anything… So I thought long and hard.

So, earlier tonight, he picked me up, and we went to one of my favorite restaurants. We got some wine, some good food, and had a great night out. Just the two of us. It was really nice. Eventually, he asked me again what I wanted for my birthday, and I again said nothing, and just the dinner was fine. But he persisted… So I went for it.

I told him that I wanted to do something for both of us. I told him that I could tell that he wasn’t really enjoying watching soccer as much as either of us had hoped, and I admitted that it was probably mostly my fault, because I didn’t really feel comfortable enough to openly hit on anybody yet. I told him that I knew he was getting anxious for me to be with someone else, because let’s face it - I am too. It’s been quite a long time since I have been with anybody but him. I asked him if I was reading him correctly, and he agreed. So I asked him if he thought we should be a little more aggressive in trying to find somebody that might fit the bill. Again, he agreed, but was a little confused as to what I was getting at, so he just asked me “how does this tie in to a birthday present?”

“[bf] for my birthday present this year, I want you to let me tell somebody about us”

He was quiet. I could tell he was a little bit panicked. He didn’t really know how to answer. I told him to relax. I wasn’t going to do anything without his agreement. I told him he didn’t have to make a decision tonight. He doesn’t even have to make a decision before my birthday - or even by next week - I really don’t care… I told him I just wanted him to think about it. I told him having a wing woman friend who knows our situation and helps me get guys might make this a lot easier. He asked who… I told him I had no idea, but it didn’t matter. I just wanted him to think about how he would feel about the idea first, and that we would talk about it later… That’s what I wanted for my birthday.

He drove me home, and asked me if he could stay the night. I kissed him goodnight, but told him no. He wouldn’t stay over tonight. If he would have stayed, it probably would have ended up with sex, and I wanted him to go home and think about my suggestion without the pressure of having me here while he is thinking about it. I don’t want to push him. I want him to come to this conclusion by himself.

So, that’s the update for the week. Feel free to send me a wing woman for my birthday present if anybody has one around. ;)


September 2015

Spilling the Beans

Geeze, it’s been a while since I updated everybody, and boy did you all make sure to remind me of that fact…

Let’s see… Where were we?

The last time I update was the night my be took me out for dinner, and I told him that I wanted to tell somebody about our little arrangement so that it might make things a little easier for me.

That was the weekend before my birthday. I sent him home that night with no sex or anything, because I wanted him horny when he was thinking about it that night. It worked, I think, because he told me later that he was simultaneously incredibly embarrassed, and incredibly turned on, and he said it was a struggle for him to make a decision… But I’m getting ahead of myself here, so let me back track.

For my actual birthday present, my boyfriend surprised me and got me some totally unexpected time off of work. He actually called my boss, and took PTO for me (which is fine, because I have plenty of it anyway) and my boss let me go the entire week leading up to it thinking I was going to have a really busy and crazy week, when in reality I was already off, and he had everybody else covering for me, without me even knowing.

It was actually a really sweet present. Just some unexpected time off of work would have been great, but then my bf went and told me that he had booked us a hotel for 4 nights up in the mountains together. So, the entire week of my birthday, I was off, and playing in the mountains. We did all sorts of cool stuff… An alpine slide, went on a cave tour, some hot springs, a winery… Super relaxing, super fun, romantic… It was a blast. I just sorta put my life on hold, and enjoyed being with him.

In case any of you were wondering, no, I didn’t make it to the soccer game that week, but no big deal I suppose, as the red team won again, even without me, so at that time, we were 3-0. Yay us!

But… Getting back to the week away with my boyfriend. There was sex. Quite a bit actually. It was pretty good too… Spontaneous, caring, new, a little bit adventurous… I liked it. My boyfriend did too. That is when he eventually brought up what I had asked about the week before, with me telling somebody. We talked about it over dinner, which is sort of our standard “important conversation” time. He said that he was on the fence about the idea. When I asked him why, he said that if somebody knew about us, he wouldn’t want to risk them thinking I was some cheap slut, or that he was some kind of pervert. I agreed - both could be reasonable assumptions for somebody that doesn’t really understand what we are all about. So… We thought about it for a while… Who would fit the bill? Who wouldn’t judge me, or him? Or… If they did, who wouldn’t we mind eliminating from our lives?

That is an exceptionally difficult question to answer. I know some of my followers write me sometimes and say “I wish I were in your position” or the like… But really, think about yourselves in that position. It is tough…

So, we started just naming names… How about this person? How about that person? What about somebody from school that I hardly ever hang out with anymore? No… She’s too close… She doesn’t even like me… No, I would feel weird calling her out of the blue… A whole bunch of reasons why every person we thought of wouldn’t work.

I was getting a little bit upset… Here my loving boyfriend was telling me that I could find another girl to tell that my boyfriend wanted me to go out and have sex with other guys… And I couldn’t come up with anybody that he would feel comfortable with me telling… So, I did what I usually do whenever I need to think, and ordered another bottle of wine, and some desert. (Can’t hurt, right?)

Finally, after a couple more glasses of wine, it clicked.

One of the girls on the soccer team. They seem fun, and outgoing. They like to drink. I’m sure at least one of them is single… If I had some drinks with them, and let it slip that I have a boyfriend that wants to share me… What harm is it? If they are disgusted and call me a slut… Oh well, I quit going to soccer games, and never see them again… They don’t even know my boyfriend, so they wouldn’t be able to judge him at all, so he liked that a lot…

The first two weeks of this soccer league I was looking at it like an opportunity to meet guys, but I hadn’t even really given much thought to the girls I might meet too.

We agreed.

We had sex again that night. It was the last night we were up in the mountains. It was probably he best sex we have had in a long time. I teased him relentlessly. Even brought out a little dirty talk. Things like: “Oh, I’ve missed fucking other guys”, “I can’t wait to have a friend to check out hot guys with”, and “Do you think I should play next week without a sports bra? It will give everybody a better view…”.

He loved that! I’m finding more and more that my boyfriend loves it when I tease him during sex. After we were done, I decided to push him a little bit further… I asked him if he liked the sex that week. Of course he said yes - he loved every bit of it. “Good, because I just made a decision”. He asked what it was while I was cuddled into his arms in bed. “I’ve only been with you for like 8 months now. So I’ve decided that you don’t get any again until somebody else does first.”

I could hear him groan behind me. What a rush of adrenaline and power! God that felt sexy!

We came home the next day, and had a relatively uneventful next couple of days. I had to catch up on work stuff, because even when “people are covering for you” you still have some getting back up to speed to do.

By Thursday, and our 4th game, my boyfriend was as excited as I was to get to game time. Dinner was eaten in he car on the way to the park because I was in such a hurry, and when I got there and met up with my team, a couple of hem asked why I hadn’t made it the week before, and I told them something came up last minute, and I apologized for not letting them know. No big deal, they had won anyway. I asked if we were still going out for drinks afterwards… “Of course!” Perfect.

The game itself was a lot of fun! I feel like I spent much more time laughing with my teammates and less time worrying about which guys might be interested in me, or what my boyfriend was thinking as he watched from the other side of the field. I even scored a goal! That was probably the highlight of my rec soccer career right there. I just happened to be in the right place at he right time, and the ball came my way… Totally fluke-ass lucky, but I’ll take it! Unfortunately, the game wasn’t as awesome as other ones have been… But not terrible either. We tied 3-3. I thought for sure they would let us play overtime or something, but no… They needed the field for the game after ours, so we had to settle for a tie. I hate ties. Oh well. 3-0-1 isn’t too bad.

We went out for drinks afterwards. I texted my boyfriend and told him I was going to see how it went, and maybe I would spill the beans. He said he was still up for it if I was - and told me to have fun. There were about 5 of us that went out - 2 guys and 3 girls - to the same bar that we went to before. I had some drinks… I got loosened up a bit, bragged about my awesome goal. Told my team I would sign autographs for them if they’d like… Laughed… Enjoyed myself… And, when the two guys got up to go get us another round from the bar… I went for it…

It was me, and Shauna, the first girl I met on the red team, and Kelly, our goalie. To give you a little comparison, Shauna is 26, and Kelly is 29. I asked the two of them “you guys are really fun, do either of you ever want to go hang out outside of soccer-related activities sometime?” They both nodded, and agreed it would be fun to go out together on the town sometime, Kelly said that she would love to, but needed to be able to make plans a while in advance to make sure she could go. Shauna, on the other hand, said that yes, she would love to go out, any time, any night. I was very intrigued. I got both of their numbers in my phone and gave them both mine, so that we could “plan something sometime”, and I left it at that for the majority of the night.

When things were finally breaking up for the night, I decided I was done waiting. I didn’t want to go back home and call my boyfriend that I got a couple of numbers. I wanted to make some actual progress… After all, I had that made that decision and all… So, I sorta hung around, and when Shauna said that she had to go, I chimed in and said that I should get going too. We walked together out of the bar, and towards our cars, and I literally felt nervous and my palms were a little sweaty… What the hell? If she’s disgusted, you never have to see her again… So I went for it.

“Hey Shauna, I’m serious about going out together sometime. I think the two of us could get into a lot of trouble together”. She laughed and agreed. “I mean, if I don’t get some action soon, I might go crazy”. Another laugh. I swallowed the little lump in my throat. “And my boyfriend might too”

She looked at me funny. My heart was beating so fast I could feel it. She stopped walking and looked right at me. “What?” “My boyfriend, he might go crazy too if I don’t get some action”. I am sure I was blushing. I could feel it in my face. She just looked at me funny for another couple of seconds. I was scared actually, that she was judging me. “I’m not sure I know what you mean, Courtney”. Here goes nothing… “My boyfriend sorta has a thing… For sharing me”

Her mouth was wide open. “Are you serious?” I could only nod and bite my lip nervously. She looked away, toward her car for a minute, and back at me. “So you want to go out sometime and look for guys, and your boyfriend is actually cool with it?” I nodded again. “That’s freakin crazy!” She laughed again, and I forced a nervous laugh of my own too. I couldn’t tell if she meant crazy like ridiculous, stupid and insane, or crazy like something she’d never heard of before. I decided not to press the issue any further, and finally said, “it’s not that big of a deal. Some people think it’s nuts, others are cool with it” (like I had told soooo many people before…). “Anyway, if you are up for going out sometime, let me know.

She sorta shook her head, (confused? Taking it all in? – I wasn’t sure) and got in her car, and drove off. I did the same. I called my boyfriend on the way home, and told him everything. He was pacing in his bedroom and hallway the entire time I was on the phone with him he was so nervous.

Friday passed, and Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday,… And then finally, on Wednesday at work, I got a text. From Shauna. “Can we talk tomorrow after the game? I’m curious”

That’s all it said. My boyfriend was beside himself. He didn’t know whether to be excited or terrified. Probably both. I answered her back “absolutely, would love to”.

The game last week was, needless to say, not the highlight of my week. Before the game, Shauna and I made eye contact for maybe three or four seconds, but neither of us said anything. We played well, against the white team again who we beat 6-1 the first time. We beat them again - 4-0 this time. I didn’t score at all this time. I guess I used up all my luck in that last game. I didn’t really care though. I had other things on my mind. All in all, I guess 4-0-1. Is a pretty good record. We still have 3 games left to go.

After the game, with my boyfriend watching from a distance, I walked up to Shauna. “Should we talk a bit?” She smiled.

We went to a completely different bar this time. Just two girls, hanging out and talking. I pretty much told her what I wanted to say. I explained to her that it was true, I had a boyfriend, and yes, I loved him. Yes, he really does get off on me being dirty and sleeping around. Yes, I really do tell him about what I do with other guys, and he loves me more for it. She was astonished. She said that she never thought that people would be into things like that. She asked me if it went the other way too, and I let him sleep around. No way - I’d get far too jealous for that. More astonishment. Every time she asked a question, and every time I answered it, I felt a little bit more liberated. Like a little bit of this cloud over my personal life for the last 2ish years was being removed. I know it sounds stupid to say, but it really does make you feel lighter when you can get something off of your shoulders like that. She asked about how many guys… I told her. She asked where, and when - I told her. She asked if the other guys knew about my situation, I told her. And then she asked why I told her all of this, and I told her - because I thought she would be fun to hit on guys with.

She pondered the whole thing for a while, and eventually smiled.

We both have to work this Friday, so we aren’t going to be able to go out on Thursday after the game, but we already made plans… We are going out dancing somewhere this weekend.

My boyfriend is losing his mind.


When a Loss Equals a Win

Whew… An interesting two weeks here.

I’ve been so busy with work stuff lately that I haven’t had time to sit down and write everything down, so I’m sorry about the delay.

First thing’s first: the first of two soccer games…

It was raining most of the day on that Thursday, so really, I didn’t even think that we would end up playing. Which was a huge bummer for me, because I was eager to see Shauna again, and convince her that I wasn’t crazy, and I was actually serious about this whole thing. There is a number that is set up for the league to call in case there is ever bad weather, with an automated recording - so I checked it about every hour throughout the day, fully expecting them to cancel the games for that night. The majority of the day, it was the game status for the previous week… So I kept calling. Finally, as I was getting off work, I checked again, and there was a new message: all games still planned as scheduled. Wow, sweet!

I drove home, in the rain, and changed clothes and ate something. We had the last game of the night, so I wasn’t in a rush for a change. I called my boyfriend, who was having a shitty day at work, and was going to be late, and he told me to go ahead and go to the game, and he would join me as soon as he could. Fair enough.

The field was in better shape than I thought it would be. Apparently it hadn’t rained as much in that part of town. It was wet, and a little soggy, but no standing water or mud puddles or anything. I joined my team as they arrived, and we did the typical Round of hellos. Shauna was a little late. She didn’t get there until about 2 min before the game started. When she did, we just sorta smiled and nodded at each other. No words were spoken really. There wasn’t enough time before the game, and we had already made plans to go out together the next night.

I got stuck on defense again. I’m not saying I hate it, I’m just saying I don’t like it as much. Particularly this game. We sucked. I sucked in particular. We were getting beat pretty handily, 3-1 at halftime. All three of their goals were scored by one guy. He was really good. He definitely knew what he was doing, and he made me look stupid. Then, about 5 min into the second half, he gets the ball again and starts heading towards me… Great, here goes nothing. I decided that there was no way I was going to let this guy score again… Easier said than done. He got closer to me, and when I went to stop him he did some crazy left-right-left soccer ball foot wizardry, and my left leg slid right out from under me (I’m gonna blame that on the wet grass) and I fell right on my ass. It hurt. A lot. The back of my leg. I knew that I had pulled a hamstring pretty bad. And then I sat there, on my butt, in the wet grass, clutching the back of my leg, and watched him casually lift the ball right out of Kelly’s reach. 4-1. All the same guy. Damnit.

My leg freaking hurt. I got up, and tried to run a bit, but I was useless. I didn’t want to play anymore it hurt so bad. I figured that I would either hurt my team more, or hurt myself more if I kept going. Probably both. Luckily, we had an extra person there, so I just tapped out, she took my spot, and I went over to sit on the sidelines. Game over for me, before my boyfriend even showed up.

I watched, and tried to be a good teammate, and cheer everybody on, even though I was a little bored, to be honest. Right up until Shauna actually scored a goal. Sweet! 4-2. Maybe we had a shot? Nope… Probably 1 min later, and they scored again. 5-2… Urghh… I don’t like losing. I was actually watching the game, and didn’t realize that the guy that had the first 4 goals for the other team wasn’t playing anymore. He came out of the game too at some point, and I only realized it when he walked up and asked me how I was.

I told him that I would be fine, just pulled a muscle, and again blamed it on the wet grass. I mentioned how they were pretty much kicking our asses, and him in particular. I asked him why he came out of the game. He said that he wanted to let someone else have a turn. “After all,” he said, “this is all just for fun anyway. I just want to play soccer with friends”. I asked him if he wanted to sit down, and he did. A little small talk… The majority of their team was old high school friends that had all played soccer together, and a couple of them (him included) had gone on to play in college too. Obviously. I told him it wasn’t fair for him to come pick on a bunch of amateurs… Did he realize I hadn’t played soccer since I was like 6? He laughed, and said that is why he subbed out. He didn’t want to be a jerk and score 10 on us… I laughed a little at that. I guess that was sportsmanlike of him.

A little more small talk… I learned his name is Alex, and I told him mine. I learned that he is 27, and that his rec soccer team is undefeated so far. (No surprise there). We talked a bit about what he does for a living, and what I do… Blah blah… Just small talk really, nothing too personal. And then, just like that, the game was over. Final score was 6-2. We lost. Lame. He got up from next to me, told me he hoped my leg felt better, and wished me good luck for the rest of the games, and left. Walked back to the other side of the field. It was about that time that I realized that my boyfriend had missed the entire game. Either that, or was so good at hiding that even I hadn’t seen him. I was looking around for him, when the rest of my team came off the field. It wasn’t nearly as joyous as previous games have been. We got our butts kicked.

I congratulated Shauna on her goal, and immediately she said “yeah, you too”. Huh? For what? pulling a hamstring? Looking incompetent? “"She just smiled and said “did you get his number?” And that is when I sorta realized that for the majority of the second half of the game, I had been sitting with this guy, making completely innocent small talk, and Shauna had seen me, and assumed that I was hitting on him. It was a really weird feeling, actually. To have someone I just told about this part of my life basically ask me for a status update about its progress. I am used to it from my bf, (and my blog readers) but I had never been asked anything that blatant by anybody else. I laughed and told her no, I hadn’t. He was just a nice guy, that came over to make sure that A- his team didn’t run up the score, and B- my muscle wasn’t ripped off the bone.

And then Shauna looked at me and said “are you k**ding? You think he came over just to check and see if you were ok?” I nodded. “No guy just does that out of the kindness of his heart. I’m sure he wanted to check you out”.

Wow… To be honest, I didn’t get that impression from him at all, but I suppose she might have had a point - and maybe I just didn’t pick up on his interest? “I’m not so sure Shauna, he didn’t give me his number or anything”

“Well, maybe you should go give him yours then… Unless you think your boyfriend would mind??”

Ahhhh…. Now I saw where this was coming from. It was a test. For me. She wanted to see, even if this guy wasn’t hitting on me, would I hit on him? Was I serious about wanting to hit on guys with her, or was I going to make some excuse? Well, no way was I going to fail this and risk another long agonizingly long time until I built up the courage to tell somebody else of this little lifestyle.

“Sure, I’ll be right back.”

I popped up, and hobbled across the wet field again, over to where Alex was sitting, changing out of his shoes and talking to some of his friends. I walked over to him, right in front of his friends. I was a little nervous again, but it was too late by then. “Alex, right?” He looked up at me. “Hey, I just wanted to say thanks. For not being a complete jerk about kicking our asses tonight. And for coming to check on me after I hurt myself when you made me look like an idiot”. He smiled a little and laughed.

A little voice on my shoulder seemed to whisper to me. I don’t know if it was the angel or devil - go for it Courtney, he’s cute. It was true. I hadn’t noticed really before, but he was a pretty decent looking guy…

“Hey, I don’t know if you’d be interested or not, but my friend and I are going dancing tomorrow night… By any chance would you want to come?” He stood up, and smiled. “Yeah, of course, but I have to warn you that my dancing skills are as good as my soccer skills… I wouldn’t want to show you up again”. He smiled. I did too… I couldn’t help myself. Something about a guy with confidence drives me crazy…

“Well if you do, I will just blame a pulled hamstring” he smiled again. I liked the direction this was going. “Can I give you my number?” He pulled his cell phone out of his bag, and I gave him my number. He called it right away, even though I didn’t have my phone on me - it was on he other side of the field. “And now you will have mine too” he said. “Well then maybe I’ll see you downtown tomorrow night” I smiled, and turned and limped my way back across the field towards Shauna. I actually felt a little bit sorry for my boyfriend. The only time so far that I have even done something remotely interesting involving another guy, and he wasn’t there to watch. I knew I would have to be sure to tell him all about it when I saw him next.

I got back to Shauna, and said “done” she grinned. “He says his dancing skills are as good as his soccer skills. Maybe we can find out tomorrow”

It was late by then, and we both had to work the next day, so we pretty much said our goodbyes after that. We agreed to keep in contact about plans for the next evening, and went our separate ways.

When I got home, I texted my boyfriend. I knew he had a rough day, so I wanted to tease him a little bit to make him feel better… “Hey babe - we lost. That sucks. But, I gave my number to one of the guys on the other team. Wish you could have been there. Goodnight!” And then, because I knew he would want more details as soon as he saw the text, I turned my phone on silent, and went to bed.

The next day at work, it all sunk in, and I was giddy. Everything pretty much went as I had hoped it would… I told another girl about my boyfriend wanting to share me… She didn’t reject the thought outright… She had never met my boyfriend, so she couldn’t judge him… And she helped coax me into asking another guy out. I was happy.

When I got off work, I hurried home to change. I wore a maroon one-shoulder dress, and some cork wedges, did my makeup, threw on some jewelry, and was out the door. Shauna and I agreed to meet for dinner at a wine bar before going out, so I drove down and parked in a parking garage close by, and walked into the restaurant. I was surprisingly relaxed. The whole situation just made me feel happy. She was already there, and had a glass of wine. I sat down, and ordered one too. And some calamari too, because… Duh, calamari.

It didn’t take long for the conversation to get back to my personal life. She was in question mode again… Was I serious about this? My boyfriend knew? And he was cool? She seemed skeptical… I didn’t really know what else to do… So I pulled out my phone, and opened Facebook. I showed her my page… Lots of pictures… Me and my boyfriend, on vacation, at graduation, all kinds of pictures together… “Ok, I believe you about him existing, but how do I know he’s cool with you being with other guys?” I had to think for a minute. Cell phone.

I held the phone up and took a picture of the two of us with our wine. I sent it in a text message to my boyfriend and said “babe, I’m going out with Shauna tonight, dancing, and she wants to hear it from you first”. I let her see it before I hit send. I imagined what he must have been thinking at that text. It was one thing for me to tell somebody about us. We hadn’t ever talked about him telling anybody. Sure… This was the same person, but I didn’t really know how he would feel about it. I was eager to see what he would say.

After about 5 min, he wrote me back. “Do whatever you want Court, with whoever you want”. I showed it to her. She still was on the fence… I suppose it could have had a more innocent interpretation too… “Ok, how about this then?” I typed a response back to him that would leave no room for interpretation. “What if that means I get drunk and fuck a stranger tonight?” Her jaw dropped when she saw it. I hit send.

I think just sending it probably convinced her that I was serious. If it didn’t, then his answer surely did. “If that’s what you want, have fun”

Ok, she was in. As far as she was concerned, we were just two single ladies looking for guys. What a rush. It felt so liberating. We ate, drank another glass of wine each, and planned out where we wanted to go… We made a plan, a couple different bars that had live music, and good drinks… We figured that if things were slow, we would just move on to the next place, and just sorta play it by ear for the night.

Right as we were finishing dinner and paying the bill, I got a text from Alex… “Hey, it’s Alex, are you still going out tonight?” I answered him back “yup, heading to [XYZ] now if you want to come prove your dancing skills”

We left, and walked a couple of blocks to this other cocktail bar, where they had a stage set up, and live music planned for the night. Nobody was playing yet, but it was still happy hour, so we each ordered a cocktail, and sat down to wait and see what the night had in store. After a while, the bar started getting more and more busy, and eventually a band got up there to play. They were sorta a mix of bluegrass and… rock?-ish? It was pretty good actually, and they were doing their thing when I got another text from Alex asking me if we were still there. I said yes, and he said he was 5 min away, and asked if it was cool if he brought a friend. I said of course it was, and when I told Shauna, she even said “oh, one for me too?!?” Before they walked in the door, I asked her for a favor… “Just don’t mention my boyfriend to them at all tonight please”. She agreed.

Alex and his friend walked in about 2 min later, and saw us almost immediately. They pulled up a couple of stools to our table, and sat down with us. Alex asked me three questions right away: how was my hamstring? What was I drinking? And was the music any good? I answered all three, and then he introduced his friend - John. Not one of the friends from the soccer game, but the name was easy to remember at least. They ordered drinks from the bar, and we all talked for a while… About the game the night before, jobs, booze, the band… Lots of things. We just all had a generally fun time. It wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t nerve racking… There were just two genuinely cool guys, and they just wanted to hang out and have fun. I enjoyed myself.

Bluegrass-rock band finished up, and they cleared out to get ready for another band, which gave us time to order another round of drinks… Alex bought the round for the table… Sly dog… The next band happened to be predominantly a cover band, with a couple mixed in that were probably their own songs. Normally, I don’t like cover bands all that much, but, there is something to be said for when your audience already knows the lyrics - easier for everybody to sing along.

About the third song (and fourth drink) in, I said “screw it! I’m dancing!” And got up, and went out on the dance floor to start dancing like a fool. I didn’t care. I was really legitimately having fun. Sure, some of the songs were a little cheesy, but who cares? I caught Alex’s attention, and gave him my best “let’s see whatcha got” look/gesture to get him to come dance. He did. He wasn’t shy about it either. He came right over and started going for it. It was really fun. It wasn’t anything corny, like middle school slow dancing together… It was just two people dancing to songs that are older than me, and laughing about it.

Here is one thing I would say about it… He didn’t lie. He is a legitimately good dancer. I like to think I held my own too though. Although after 4 and then 5 drinks, my moves were probably a little less suave than I envisioned them being. Oh well. John and Shauna talked for a while, but then they came to dance too, which made it even more fun. It didn’t turn into two couples or anything like that, it was just 4 people having a blast laughing at/with each other.

After a while of dancing, we had completely lost our table, and the bar was getting pretty full. The guys went to get us all another round of drinks, and Shauna and took the opportunity to go to the bathroom. She asked me what I was thinking. I told her the truth - I was having a great time. She asked me if I was going to try to hook up with Alex, and I told her I wasn’t sure yet, I wanted him to make a move, and we would see how things went from there. When we went back out into the bar, the guys had our drinks waiting for us. We all talked a bit, and decided that this place was getting pretty crowded, so we all drank quickly (probably a little too quickly for me) and decided to go to another bar a few blocks away that John liked.

The walk was pretty uneventful, it only took about 10 min, and when we got to this bar, this other table was just leaving, so we were actually able to get a booth and sit down. The guys sat down first… Conveniently splitting up between the sides. Shauna looked at me and smiled, then sat down next to John, so… surprise, Courtney gets to sit next to Alex. Somebody got the wonderful idea to order us a pitcher of margaritas… sure, I’ve already had like 5 drinks, why not start with margaritas too?

The margaritas were pretty decent, and went down easily. This bar didn’t have any live music, so we pretty much just sat there and talked for like an hour or so. Alex thanked Shauna and I for inviting them to come out with us, he said he had a great time, and said that he hoped he didn’t embarrass himself too much dancing with me. I told him no, that he was really good, and I was actually quite impressed. By the time we finished, it was almost 1:00, and I was definitely drunk.

We paid our bill, and as we were getting ready to leave, Alex put his arm around me, and leaned in to my ear and said “hey, I had a lot of fun with you tonight, would you let me take you out again sometime soon?” It was good, and bad… Had he asked to take me home, I would have gone with him. But he was being a gentleman, which I can respect. I wanted to go home with him, I wanted to fuck him, but I also wanted no not scare him off by being the super easy girl. I remembered back to my rules for “dating” and reminded myself to not let him think I wanted a relationship - just fun.

I answered him back “yeah, you fucking better! I want to see what other moves you have!” He smiled at me, and nodded, and I leaned in to his ear again and said “just so you know… I’m not looking for anything serious here. Just want to have fun. Cool?” He nodded again, and held up his hands and said “totally cool with me - I don’t want anything serious either.” I kissed him. He kissed me back. I was really hoping that he would change his mind and ask me to come home with him. He didn’t… But I could tell he wanted to.

As we were leaving the bar, Shauna asked me if I was going to go home with him. I told her no, not yet, but that we were going to go out again soon. She smiled and gave me a wink, and then that was about it… I started walking to my car, and realized that I was way to drunk, so instead I pulled out my phone and got an Uber to come pick me up. It took like 5 min for the driver to show up and get me to take me home. On the drive, I texted Alex and said “thanks for being a gentleman tonight. I had too much to drink.” He answered me back “I thought so. I didn’t want to take advantage”. I replied “I appreciate the thinking, but I hope next time there is a different ending to the night”

That was pretty much it. I was exhausted. I changed my mind, and had the Uber driver take me to my bf’s place instead. When I got there, I let myself in (I have a key) and crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was in bed, but still awake. He got handsy a little bit… Was rubbing my ass and I could tell he was horny. I smacked his hand away more than a couple times. “It’s still not for you. I’ll tell you everything in the morning. Go to sleep”. He didn’t like it, but eventually he did go to bed.

And that… My dear followers, was all one Friday night.

Alex and I talked a couple of times over this past week. On Monday, he texted me and said that he wanted to go to dinner on Thursday night before soccer. I was planning on it, until work happened, and I had to be out of town unexpectedly on Wednesday through Friday of this week. There was a conference that was supposed to be attended by another woman on my team, but on Monday afternoon, she actually went into labor, and decided to have a k**… so my boss asked me on Tuesday if I could improvise and go in her place. Of course I said yes. As much as it sucks to not be able to play with a new guy, I think it was probably the best decision for the career to take a few days and go to this conference in her place.

I told Alex there was something at work last minute, and he was cool about it. And said that he still wants to take me out. I gave him a rain check for next week. Unfortunately, I missed my latest team soccer game.

The conference was ok I guess… It’s my first real business conference. I didn’t know what to expect really… It was just a bunch of talks and people trying to sell stuff mostly. Honestly, I probably didn’t really need to be there. But I guess it was good for my company to have some sort of presence here. I’m pretty sure I got picked because I am just about the newest person on my team, other than an intern, and everybody else was either too busy, had more important plans, or didn’t want to go. It was odd, because I only knew like two other people there, and they were just sort of acquaintances… so even then, it wasn’t like they were good friends or anything. I spent most of three days alone, which sucked.

I got back yesterday around noon, and was exhausted from travel, so I didn’t feel like going out at all. I did however, text Alex to tell him I was back in town and ready for that raincheck soon. I asked him what he had in mind, and he said that he actually has an extra ticket to a beer festival next Friday night in downtown. He asked me if I wanted to go, and of course I accepted. Soo… I’m going to a beer fest on Friday with a new guy. Fingers crossed. I’m starting to get a little antsy! I’ll keep you all posted!



October 2015

A Festival Turned Fling

I apologize for the long delay in updating everyone. Stuff has been happening really quickly lately. I have had this draft in the works for a while, but I am going to just sit down and make myself write everything so I can keep you all in the loop here…

Ok, here we go…

So, it turns out that this “joining a rec soccer team” was worth it. :) But I’m getting ahead of myself here… I should start from where I left off.

So, last week, Alex offered me a ticket to a huge beer festival on Friday night in downtown. I accepted, of course, because I was interested in seeing where things went, but I really had no idea what to expect from the whole thing. I figured that I would just meet him downtown somewhere, have a few beers with him at this beer fest, and then see if I could make any headway on getting him to take me home afterwards.

So, on Tuesday after work, Shauna and I decided to go out and have a happy hour drink to talk.

I told her that I was going to go to this with Alex, and she asked me right away what I was planning on wearing. I told her that I hadn’t really planned it out yet. So, she asked if I was thinking casual? Sexy? Flip flops? Heels? “Well, geeze… I don’t know.” I said, “I guess I should probably try to look cute, right? Maybe a skirt and heels?”

“You want him to like you, right?” She asked me.

“Yeah, of course”

“Well then you need to fit in. Show him you are there to have fun, but don’t look like you are trying too hard”

I asked her what she meant. She said that if I showed up to a beer festival wearing heels and a tiny skirt, I would be totally out of place - there were probably going to be a bunch of people there (Alex included) wearing jeans and a t-shirt. “You want to look like you are there because you want to be, not just like you are there to be seen”

I hadn’t really thought about it before, but she had a point. I want to have fun, but be available too. If I tried to hard, I might scare him away. Plus, it would really suck to be in heels and on my feet the entire night. I can just feel my feet hurting if I did that. “So, what kind of attire would you recommend?” She smiled, and we planned out my wardrobe for the next night.

Eventually, we settled on the tightest pair of black jeans I have, wedge open-toed sandals, black bra, tan and white tank top, and my hair in a ponytail. We agreed that it would be sexy, but not out-of-place sexy. Casual, but available. Just the look I wanted.

I went home, and called my boyfriend to come over. When he got there, I asked him if he would start dinner, while I went up to my room to start pulling everything out. He was a little hesitant at first. I stood there, with my hands on my hips and asked him if I would rather that I didn’t go out with Alex? I could always start looking for another guy, but my decision about no sex for him wasn’t changing. That made him agree pretty fast.

So, while he was pulling food out of my fridge, I ran up to my bedroom and laid everything on my bed. Originally, I was planning on letting him to come up and see the outfit that Shauna and I picked out while it was laying on my bed, but then I thought… What the heck, he won’t be done cooking for a while, so I went for the whole get up.

I jumped in the shower, and washed my hair. I shaved my legs, even trimmed up a little downstairs… When I got out, he yelled up to me that he was almost ready. I made him wait. I wiggled into the jeans, and made sure my bra strap was visible on my shoulder. My boyfriend called me again, to say he was ready. I wasn’t. I did my makeup - just a touch on the dramatic side. Somewhere in the middle of my makeup, he yelled up and told me it was getting cold. I told him to wait. I blow dried and brushed out my hair, and pulled it back into a ponytail like Shauna and I had decided.

Finally, after about an hour and a half, I was ready to show him the look. I came downstairs wearing the Friday night outfit for Tuesday dinner. Now he knew why I took so long. I looked good. He said so himself. He just had shorts and a t-shirt on. The whole time during dinner, I made sure to tease him in lots of different ways. I’d fiddle with my bra strap on my shoulder… I’d dangle my wedge off the end of my foot… I’d run my hand through my hair while sticking out my chest… All little things, but stuff I knew would turn him on. I wanted to.

I asked him, flat out… “You think Alex will like this outfit?” He nodded. Of course he would. That made me feel powerful. Forcing him to talk about how hot I would look for another guy. “What if he can’t keep his hands off of me?” “I wonder if he has a place we can go afterwards?” I made him answer me every time. Not just moans and nods… But words. What a rush. Total power dynamic at play there. Seriously, for my lady followers… Try it sometime, super hot.

The rest of the night was uneventful - much to his dismay. I let him stay the night. I even let him sleep in he same bed as me. He was really horny. But I stuck to my decision. No sex for him. Even if it mean having to smack his hand away multiple times. Not going to lie - It turned me on. I felt like I was saying myself - for someone else. It was hot.

Fast forward to that Friday night, and I was wearing the outfit again, when Alex and I met up with a bunch of his friends downtown. Holy cow, I had no idea that this festival was so big. There were probably 50,000 people there. It was huge! Apparently they do this thing every year, and it gets bigger every time. It was massive! And my goodness, the number of beers there was nuts! I was thinking it would be like 50 beers, but there were probably 10,000 a not even joking.

Alex and i each got a couple tasters of different beers. He is more of a beer fan than me, obviously, because he knew of a bunch of good breweries that he wanted to check out. One of them in particular was pouring a beer right from the barrel. Apparently it is really rare and expensive. He told me it was a strong coffee beer, so I was like “sure, who doesn’t like coffee?” So we go over to this booth, and there are already like 50 people in line for this beer. (These people were seriously into beer) so we stood in line, everybody was cheering, and yelling, and having a grand old time, and Alex was standing right behind me in line, with a couple of his friends. He leaned in over all the beer-cheers and said “you look great tonight”.

Inside- I smiled. I wanted to look good for him. Mission accomplished. I was about to say thanks to him, when I caught myself… I thought - remember Court: no “dating” just having fun. Don’t be sweet and innocent Courtney… Be fun and available Courtney… So, rather than thank him, I just looked back at him over my shoulder and said “I know I do, thanks for noticing.” He smiled, and when I looked back up towards the guy giving out all the beer, I caught a glimpse of his friend punching him in the shoulder… Like guys do sometimes. I think that was a good thing… Like some encouragement, “go get her” of thing.

A few seconds later, we are at the front of the line, so I got this coffee barrel beer that everybody was going crazy over. Holy alcohol Batman! It was like 18% or something. Geeze….!! Here is the scary part… It was good - really good. It didn’t taste like that much booze, and honestly, I could have probably had a lot more than I did, because it was so good. I can understand why people were all about it. I don’t remember the name, but Alex told me later that it was a local brewery, so I might have to figure out which one it was, and go visit. Normally I’m more of a wine girl, but that beer was awesome…

Anyway… So, after that, Alex and a couple of his friends and I all wandered around, trying more here, a few there… It was super casual, and laid back. I was glad that I had opted out of the heels, because I was on my feet all night. The wedges were good for being cute, but not hurting.

Did I mention that there were like 50,000 people there? It was all I could do to not get lost. Which did happen a few times, but Alex always seemed to find me. At one point, I thought I would probably not see him again the whole night, because we got separated, and after like 10 min of looking, I texted him, and just had to hope it made it through to him with all the people that I’m sure we’re doing the same thing. Well… Like 5 min later, and there he was, but this time without his friends. He came up to me and I decided to push it a little bit. When I saw him finally, I said “it’s about time… I was thinking I might have to find somebody else to take me home tonight.”

He smiled, and told me that if he took me home, it would be taking advantage of me. So I said, “you were a gentleman last time. That’s not going to fly tonight. So take your pick: you take advantage of me tonight, I take advantage of you tonight, or I find somebody else to take me home?” He smiled again, and asked if I was sure I was ready for that. Maybe it was that damn 18% beer talking, but I told him I wasn’t the one that needed to make sure I was ready.

That was pretty much all the encouragement he needed. He asked me if I wanted to leave right then, and I playfully asked him “what about your friends?” He just grabbed me around e waist, and let me to the closest exit. Thanks beer festival… Nice knowing ya.., we were out.

We got a cab almost as soon as we were out of the building. There was a whole line of the, ready for people coming out of the festival, so we didn’t have to call, or wait or anything. Alex told the cab driver where to go, and we were off. Turns out that he owns his own house… (Nice), and that it isn’t really too far away from me (also nice). I was giving him the bedroom eyes all the way home. I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I wanted sex, not a relationship. A fling, not a friend. I was feeling a little frisky, but the cab driver was kinda creepy, so I didn’t want to get too carried away in the car…

I want to pause for a second here and answer a follower’s question… Somebody wrote me, and reminded me that I hadn’t told you all what Alex looks like. So, here goes: he is tall, probably about 6′2″ or so, with dark brown/black hair, that is about 2 or 3″ long and falls in tight little curls. He has deep brown/hazel eyes. He has a little bit darker skin, not black or Hispanic, but like, more of a Mediterranean looking guy. He has a pretty good body too, and he is in really good shape. He is pretty cute actually. I will have to ask him where his family is originally from, because now I’m wondering myself… Stay tuned there

Ok, so we pull up to his house, and Alex pays some obnoxious a out for the cab, and then let’s me into his house. It was really nice! I was super impressed for a guy in his mid to late 20s to own his own house, and have it in such good condition. It was clean, spacious, he even had matching furniture. I know that sounds weird, but at my age, everybody just has all of their old college furniture still, not nice stuff like he does. I was impressed… (Maybe he makes really good money??)

He asked me if I wanted a tour of the place, and I said “maybe tomorrow, how about you just show me your bedroom tonight?” He got the hint… And in about 2 minutes, I was in his bedroom, pushed up against a wall, while he kissed me, and ran his hands over my legs… (Hmmm.. A leg man?…) I took his shirt off, and he helped me with the tank top. In short order, I was naked, on his bed, while he was sucking on my neck, and I was running my fingers through those curls of his. He was breathing so heavily! Like, through clenched teeth the whole time. It was crazy, but super hot… Like, almost overpowering, rutting sort of hot… He even smelled good. He had his hand between my legs, and when he pushed a finger into me, I surprised myself about how wet I was already. A few weeks of abstinence will do wonders for your libido when you have a hot guy sucking on your neck.

I tried to get his pants off, but honestly, I couldn’t. He wouldn’t let me up, as he was laying on me, with his hand between my legs, and his mouth on my neck, so all I could do was fumble with his belt with my two hands in between moments of his weight shifting on top of me. It kept building, and building, and eventually, I came, right there, on his fingers… Before he was even naked. Ohh, it was good too. Like one of those taboo orgasms where you know you shouldn’t yet, but it feels so good that you stop resisting and just let it happen… He kept going, kissing and sucking on my neck while I was panting underneath him. I was seriously having a hard time keeping my breath. I finally had to ask (beg?) him to stop for long enough that I could get his pants off. He rolled to one side, and I practically ripped them off of him.

And then, I met Alex again.

Some people have asked me if my boyfriend has a little cock. He doesn’t. He is just fine for me, and not even near the smallest one I’ve ever seen. Some people have asked me how he and Brandon compared size wise, and I have said that they were pretty comparable in size, it was all about the attitude with Brandon.

The first think I noticed about Alex was that he was bigger. I know that sounds cliche again, but it was true. He was bigger. And thicker too. Not like outrageous, huge, porn star, surgically enhanced… But like noticeably longer (an inch maybe?) and slightly thicker too. The first thing I thought when I saw him is "I want to ride it”. So - I did. I told him I wanted to feel him in me, and I pushed him back onto his back. I held him in my hands, while he laid back with his hands behind his head, and I stroked him for a while and he got hard for me.

I asked him if he had a condom, and he reached over and pulled one out of his night stand (a prepared guy too). I took it from him, and opened it myself, and put it on him, rolling it down his shaft. I looked him in the eye as I was doing it and asked “stash of condoms in the night stand huh? You get lucky a lot?” And he sorta laughed a little, and said “nah, not that often.” And I saw an opportunity to make sure we were on the same page here… “Well, stick with me, and you might… No strings, no drama, just fun, cool?” He grinned a big grin at that, and nodded his head. That was good enough for me.

I crawled up, and straddled him, and guided him into me as I slid down on top of him. I was surprised. Not so much by him per se, but more so by myself. I didn’t realize that I would get so wet. I suppose it was a combination of a lot of things… Me “saving myself” for him for a few weeks, me sticking to my guns with my bf not getting any until I had first, the fact that I was a little bit ***** after 18% beers… All probably had something to do with it.

Oohh - the sex was good. It wasn’t dangerous, or risky, or punishing… I was just like long, drawn out, slow build up, drive me crazy sort of sex. I don’t want to say passionate, because it wasn’t… It was just like, he knew exactly what he was doing. And I did my best to keep up. Seriously, the thing that really did impress me about him was his stamina. I’ve never been with a guy like that before… He made me cum so many times before he did. I was riding him, then him laying behind me, then doggystyle, him on top… All those positions, and it was all just building the whole time.

It took like an hour or something, and finally, after I was exhausted… And I mean exhausted… he finally came. God, I was a sweaty mess. I laid there, trying to catch my breath, for probably another hour. That’s what it seemed like at least. Courtney 5ish, Alex 1. I could seriously get used to that. He asked me if I wanted to stay till morning. It was late, and I was drunk, and my body said yes, stay the night, and sleep there in his arms, and maybe get fucked again good once more in the morning…

But my brain screamed no - don’t give him the wrong impression. You said no strings, so mean it. Get up and go home to your boyfriend… Sleep there.

My brain won out. Tough decision short term, probably the right one long term. I got out of bed, put my clothes back on, told him thanks for a great time, and I’d love to do it again soon - but not too soon. I told him that I don’t want him to call for a while. I don’t want him to feel any pressure to take me out on another date or whatever. No drama. He asked if I was serious. “Totally.” So then he asked if I just wanted sorta a friends with benefits thing? I said “Sure, if that’s what you want… I was just thinking like a ‘random Tuesday booty-call’ thing”. He didn’t need any more convincing.

I tied my hair back again, and grabbed my phone off his coffee table on the way out of his house. He asked me if I needed a ride or anything, because by this time it was early morning sometime (I’m not really even sure what time it was). I thanked him for the offer, but told him I was close by, so I would just Uber it home again. I unlocked my phone, and texted my boyfriend. “Come get me please, I’m on the corner of XXX and YYY” I gave him cross streets for Alex’s house, because I didn’t pay enough attention to the address when I was walking in. Of course my be was still awake, and texted back in like 5 min “on my way”.

The great thing about Uber is that people drive their own cars. When my bf drove up to get me, Alex had no idea. He walked me out, saw me get in the back seat of a car, and closed the door as I was pulling away.

My boyfriend was going crazy. It was only a five minute drive home. He probably asked me 50 questions… What happened? How did it go? Did you like him? Are you going out with him again? Did you have sex? Are you drunk?

I answered them all, honestly. I knew that they were all answers that he wanted to hear too. That’s another weird feeling… When your boyfriend asks you if you just had sex with some guy, and you know that the answer he wants to hear is a “yes”, and if you say “no” will be disappointed… Such is my life I suppose.

We got home, and he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. Like I said, I was exhausted, and would really have liked to just go to bed, but I made him wait sooo long… I felt like it would have been exceptionally cruel to make him wait longer, so I relented. He took me up to my bedroom, and for the second time in about 2 hours, I had sex again, with a second guy. I didn’t, however, want him to go crazy… I asked him to go slow… He was obliging, until he saw what Alex did to my neck… I hadn’t realized it, because I hadn’t seen myself in a mirror, but apparently when Alex was kissing/sucking on my neck while I was fumbling with his belt, he left quite a hickey. (Thank goodness that it was a Friday night, and I wouldn’t have to explain myself in the morning at work).

As soon as my boyfriend saw that, the whole “go slow” thing went right ought the window. He lasted like 5 minutes, and I was asleep shortly after that.

He let me sleep in in the morning, and even made me breakfast. I spent the majority of that weekend answering his questions, and teasing him too… At one point, late in the evening, he asked me if I wanted to fuck Alex again. At the time, I meant for my answer to be sort of a joke… I said “excuse me, that’s a little personal, don’t you think?”

Here’s the thing - it’s not too personal at all. That is essentially what our relationship has been about for quite a while now. I’ve always told him everything about what I do with other guys. I expected him to say something like “come on babe, you gotta tell me!” But he didn’t, and it caught me off guard.

He just said “Oh, ok, sorry” and shut up. Didn’t say another word.

Really? Just like that? No prying? No begging for details? Not even any more leading questions? I had to stop and think about that for a minute. He thought I was serious? He did! He totally thought I was serious about not wanting to tell him something about whether I wanted to be with Alex again. And, the bigger revaluation for me, was that he seemed to be OK with that. I knew he wanted an answer. I could see it eating him up… I decided to wait to see if he would ask again… He didn’t.

I didn’t know what that meant, really. So… I called Shauna, and told her we needed to talk about something. I met her for happy hour the next week, and told her everything… About the beer fest, about Alex, about the sex… And, of course, about how my boyfriend reacted, and also DIDN’T react, to me giving details about the whole event. She was amazed. We talked through it a bunch… Was he pissed? Depressed? Horny? I can’t tell you how good it was to have somebody else thing through that with me. For all the potential bad things that could have come from telling someone about this lifestyle, Shauna has been totally cool about everything. Such a relief to not have to psychoanalyze everything alone…

So… After a happy hour of talking about this, here is our interpretation of that whole incident… Please let me know if you read it otherwise… We think he is giving me a cue here… He wants me to tell him everything… Really bad. But he isn’t going to push me if I say no. This whole time, I have been telling him everything I do with other guys. But if I say “no” to telling him those details sometime, he will just have to accept it, and swallow his angst. Maybe it turns him on to NOT know… Maybe he doesn’t want to take a chance of making me angry with him… I don’t know how I feel with that information… Maybe a little devilish… I may have to explore that a bit.

Alex listened. He didn’t contact me for a whole 11 days after that night. I was tempted to call him… But… No drama… I don’t want to be that girl… Ball was in his court. He texted me that next Tuesday, and said “random Tuesday booty call?”

Of course I couldn’t say no… My boyfriend was sitting right next to me when I got that text. I just smiled, and showed it to him. He turned red immediately. I didn’t even ask my brother what he thought. Just sat right there next to him, and let him watch me type my answer. “Sure. Drinks first? Want to pick me up?” Alex answered “sure, where do you live?” And I realized that he still didn’t know where I lived… What the hell? I sent him my address, and told him I’d be ready in 20 min.

I kissed my boyfriend, and ran up to my bedroom to get ready. I told him that he could wait and watch me leave from the window… 10 min later, and I was back downstairs, wearing some black capris, and a purple top, and looking out the window anxiously… Spontaneous booty call… I stood right in front of my boyfriend, and pressed my ass into his crotch. He was hard. He fucking loves this. Good boy.

And then, I learned something else about Alex, as he pulled up in front of my place.

Alex has a motorcycle.

I just looked at my boyfriend, and my jaw dropped. A motorcycle. For real. I am terrified of motorcycles… So dangerous… I just told my boyfriend “well this should be fun”. And I walked out the door. I knew he was watching me. I could feel his eyes on me from the window as I walked to Alex. I am seriously scared of motorcycles. Thank god I didn’t wear a skirt… I felt like I was on autopilot. Like an out of body experience. I don’t think I’ve been so simultaneously aroused, and completely scared out of my mind in my life. It was like an out of body experience or something. I got on the back, and grabbed him around the waist so tight it was like my life depended on it… Because it sorta did.

He asked me what bar I wanted to go to. I said “forget the bar”. He drove off to his house. I tried not to pee my pants.

The sex. Again… God. His stamina. Ugh… It was probably 2 or 3 in the morning when we were done. I have no idea how this guy learned the things he knows, but I am sooo glad that somebody did.

When it was all over, I asked him to drive me home, in a car… He had one, right? I confessed I was terrified of motorcycles. He laughed, and drove me home in his car. Wednesday at work was a 3 cup of coffee kind of morning. At least I didn’t have another hickey.

This has the potential to be dangerous in so many ways.


November 2015

Redefining a Relationship?

I want to start this update with a thank you to everybody who wrote in to me to talk about their opinions on my boyfriend, and his behavior towards me lately after I mentioned it in my last post.

A lot of you were on the same page as each other, and a couple of you even had some words of advice/caution for me.

Many people said similar things, but one note in particular had a real impact on my thinking for the past week or so. I won’t say who it was, because they didn’t give me permission to mention them, but here is the gist of what they said:

First of all, be careful. I am playing with fire here. There are a couple of reasons why my boyfriend acted the way he did towards me, and they all mean I need to be careful, and I should talk through things with him more.

1- He may be scared. Scared of what this has all turned into, and whether it may have gone too far for him. He might be scared that he can’t tell me he is uncomfortable with things because he he thinks that I might leave him if he were to speak up.

2- He may be getting angry at me. Angry that this whole thing started out as his fantasy, and of late, he hasn’t gotten much of the attention, because it’s all been directed to finding/going out with/fucking Alex. If I withhold details, it could make for more resentment, which would make this sort of lifestyle significantly less hot for both of us.

3- He may actually LIKE the idea of me holding back some of the details. Maybe he does think the not knowing is hotter than actually knowing. Maybe his imagination of what I am capable of doing is hotter than me telling him what I actually plan to do.

4- Maybe it was a power thing. Maybe - while I was just joking around with him - he saw it as me taking more control in our relationship, and his reaction was just something he said because he was surprised. That could be “good surprised”, or “bad surprised”, but I wouldn’t know until I talked it through with him.

So… I thought about it a couple of days. I thought, and thought… And went around with “what ifs” a while. These days, my boyfriend acted pretty normal toward me. He wasn’t moping,or crying, but he wasn’t jubilant and excited either. He was actually pretty neutral. (Side note here - for all the guys that say that women are impossible to read, let me just say that trying to tell if you have crossed a line or not with your boyfriend when you sleep around and tell friends about it- is 10 times harder than reading any lady’s body language or subtle clues to see how she’s feeling). I decided that before I talked to my boyfriend directly about this, I wanted to get another opinion…

On my lunch break, I called Shauna. “Hello, Shauna? Can you meet me for a drink? I have some things I need advice about”. She couldn’t that day, she said that she had already made plans, but the next day she was in. That night I was confused, and worried, and I’m sure I was over-thinking things. It didn’t help that Alex texted me that night too. He just said “hey, are you busy tonight?” I didn’t answer. I felt like I owed it to my relationship to get some answers before I did anything more with Alex. I was sure he will get by without me somehow…

So Shauna and I met the next day for happy hour. I did tell my boyfriend before hand that I was meeting her. I tried to gauge his reaction… “Ok, cool.” That’s it? Yup. Not much there. Angry? Casual? Excited? I couldn’t honestly tell. Shauna and I sat down, and I she immediately asked me about Alex… How did it go? Did I sleep with him? Did I like it? What did my boyfriend say about it? I answered everything honestly. I wanted her advice, so I told her the truth. Until that last question about how my bf reacted.

I told her what I said, and what how he reacted… And how he didn’t push for details, even though I could tell it was killing him. The question was why was it killing him? Shauna thought about it for a while, and asked me what I thought. I figured that I would just give her my list of 4 major possibilities listed above. But then… I sorta made a little mistake… I said “Well, most people seem to think that…” That’s as far as I got before she interrupted me. “Wait, ‘most people?’ what do you mean? Who else knows about you two?” I was stuck. I didn’t really have a reasonable story to cover the ‘most people’ slip up. She asked again, “like more than 3 or 4?” I could feel myself blushing a little bit. “Yeah, I guess you could say that” I managed to say, but that only confused her more. “Ten? Twenty? Fifty? ‘Most’ of how many?” I felt like the longer I let it go, the harder it would be to come clean later. “Ok, this is going to sound weird, but I sorta have a blog.” “A blog? About this? Get the fuck out?!” All o could do was smile sheepishly and feel my cheeks turn red again. She pulled out her phone immediately. “What’s the address?” After a couple minutes of trying to avoid doing so, and realizing that she wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer, I told her. Funny thing is… She has her own Tumblr. And I gained another follower, right there as I was sitting at a bar with her. So… Hey Shauna… Welcome to the blog side of things too…

It’s a strange feeling knowing that somebody I actually know is going to be reading this. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet… But I digress…

So, then I told her… About my/all of your theories as to why my boyfriend acted the way he did towards me. At the end of it all, we made a couple decisions together:

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, or do anything that would make him think I was leaving him. I had to prepare myself for the very real possibility that #1 above may have been true. If it was, I told myself that I had to stop. With everything. The other guys, the dating, the blog… Everything. If he was legitimately unhappy or scared about this, I was done. I was ready for the end of everything, and just going back to being me and my bf.

I needed to make sure the he knew I was willing to tell him those details I withheld before, I wasn’t actually lying to him by omission, and I had to make sure that he knew I was just trying to be playful with him, not a bitch. I had to make it clear to him that I don’t want to drive him away by excluding him.

I had to prepare myself for the alternative too… What if he liked it? What would that mean? Should I withhold more details from him? Should I tease him with the details over a longer period of time, just to watch him squirm? What if he actually LIKED it when I was a little bit bitchy to him?

Shauna and I finished up with our drinks, and paid. I thanked her for listening, and she thanked me for letting her in on the blog. I drove home. On my way, I called my bf, and asked him if he could come over, because I wanted to talk to him about something. He agreed, but said that he had to drop off something at the post office before it closed, and he would head over after that. (Again… hard to read… Blowing me off? Completely innocent?)

Before he got there, I decided that I was going to make this night about him. If it was true that he was feeling neglected recently, I was going to make sure he didn’t leave feeling that same way. I went upstairs, and changed out of my work clothes, and into something more casual, but still a little flirty. I just wore a pair of black and purple running shorts, and a white tank top. I actually changed my bra too - to a black lacy one - and made sure it was visible on my shoulder, because I know that drives him crazy. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, and went downstairs to start cooking.

I honestly had no idea what to make. I didn’t have a plan until I looked through my fridge. Had I known that morning that I was going to be making a spontaneous “impress the boyfriend” meal, I probably would have gone and got some steak or something. I had none of that…. Soooo… I had to improvise. Ground beef? Cheese? Sour cream? Tortillas? Who doesn’t love some romantic tacos? Ehhh… It wasn’t going to be the best, but it would do.

I was about 10 min away from being done cooking when he got to my place. He came in, and asked what I was making. We’re tacos alright? “Yeah, sure”. (Again… Reading his thoughts about all this was either a complete exercise in futility, or me way over-analyzing things)

I got him a beer, and told him to relax on the couch until dinner was done cooking. He did, and came over to the kitchen when I called him. We each made a couple of super-delicious tacos, and sat down to eat. I came right out and said it. “I want to talk to you about a few things, and I need you to be completely honest with me, ok?” He agreed. “Are you upset at me? About anything?” He said no, and looked genuinely confused as to why I would ask. I supposed that was a good start…

I kept going… “What about that other night, when you clammed up when I told you that asking about Alex was too personal?” He answered that he just assumed I didn’t want to talk about it. I asked him, if that were actually the case - how would he feel about that answer? He said it drove him crazy (I could tell) but he wasn’t mad. I asked why. “Because, I want you to do whatever you want to do with him”

“But I thought you got turned on by hearing about what I do with other guys”. He assured me that he did, but that he is equally turned on by me knowing I have the power to do whatever I want, with whoever I want, and not feel like I need to be answerable to anybody for it, including him. He would love to hear about it, but that was 100% my decision of and when I wanted to tell him, and that he was completely fine with that. Hmmm. Well that was interesting. At this point, I felt pretty confident that we weren’t going down the path of option #1.

“So, what if I told you that it was ridiculously hot, and I’m absolutely going to fuck him again?” He blushed, and looked down into his half eaten tacos. Pretty sure we can throw out option #2 as well. He didn’t look up at me for a few seconds… I could see his face was red. He liked it. We are definitely looking at a #3 or #4 scenario here… I decided to push it further. Just to see what his reaction would be.

“And…” I paused for a second. “he has a really big dick”. He groaned, loudly. Bingo. That was all I needed. I stood up, and walked over to him, and sat on his lap, straddling him, with my arms around his shoulders. He still wasn’t looking me in the eye, but I could see his cheeks were flush, and I could feel his cock was hard in his pants. “Look at me” he glanced up at me for a second, but then away. “No, LOOK at me” I said again, and started to slowly grind my hips into his crotch. He looked up again, and this time, held eye contact with me. I just stared into his eyes. He looked back at me. My hips worked the front of his pants. “I’m gonna fuck his big cock again… Whenever I want to… And if you are good, I’ll tell you about it, ok?” He but his lip, and his eyes closed, he nodded, and I swear he must have been purple he was blushing so hard.

I climbed off of him. And pulled him by the hand towards the stairs. Half of the tacos were still uneaten, but what the hell… They were just tacos… On the way upstairs, I saw my phone on my coffee table. I stopped, turned around, went back, and grabbed it. “I want to show you something” said, and opened up my text message screen as I came back and led him upstairs. I laid him on my bed, and showed him the text from Alex from a few days before. If he would have paid closer attention, he would have seen the date, but he just saw the text, and the name on top, and that was enough. “What do you think? Should I go over there tonight?” I asked him, snatching my phone back from him, and putting it on my dresser. He didn’t say anything, just stared back at me… So I teased him.

I pulled my tank top over my head and tossed it aside. “Should I ask him to bring his motorcycle over here and fuck me here tonight?” He groaned again. I pulled off my shorts, and crawled up onto the bed, straddling him again, in only my underwear, and pushed him back onto my pillow. His eyes were closed. His mouth was closed, and he was breathing rapidly through his nose. “It’s all my decision, isn’t it?” He nodded again, quickly, without opening his eyes. Mmmm. What a rush. Power. Adrenaline. Wetness. I pulled his hands to my hips, and held them there as I started to grind on him again. “Look at me”

He looked up at me, and I stopped moving my hips on him. I wanted him to focus on what I was saying, not what I was doing. “Well, my decision is to fuck you tonight. A lot”. I leaned down, and kissed him. He kissed back.

The sex was good. Honestly, not the best- but pretty good. I think I had him too worked up, because he didn’t last very long the first time. But the second time was better, and so was the third. I wanted him to know that I wanted it to be about him that night. I wanted to make sure he knew that even if I made all the decisions with regard to our sex lives, he was still very much a part of it. And in pillow talk between fucking, I made sure to tell him that if he is ever, ever, uncomfortable about anything, then the only way I will be mad at him is if he doesn’t speak up. (I still have a little soft spot… So sue me)

The next day, at work, he texted me. “You were amazing last night”. It made me smile. (Yeah, we are looking at #3 or 4 for sure by now…) At the same time, I knew that he didn’t want me to answer with something stupid like, “you were too babe, love you, xoxo”. So I just wrote back, “I know”. He said “It is so hot to picture my girlfriend as a hot little nympho”. And then, right there, at work, I got an idea. I texted him back, “thanks. You just gave me a great idea for A Halloween costume this weekend”

You guys remember Karissa? Remember how I said she has a good house for parties? Well, Halloween was no exception. She told me the week before that she and her roommates were planning on hosting again this year, and I said that of course I was coming, and would bring my bf too. She was fine with that, of course. So… I was going, I just had to figure out the costume thing.

Id like to take a minute here for a minute to say another thank you to all of you guys who suggested costume ideas for me and my boyfriend. There were a lot of interesting ideas. Cop and prisoner, angel and devil, soccer player and referee… and about 10 other combinations that I’m sure I’m forgetting. So thank you all. My favorite was actually a biker chick. I was almost sure I was going to go as a biker chick, and I had plans to buy myself a fake leather jacket, chaps, skull t-shirt, gloves, and sunglasses… But by the time I had thought it out, it was Friday night, and I hadn’t bought anything yet, so when my be said “nympho” I just thought… “Yeah, I could pull that off”, and changed my mind right there.

He wanted to know what my idea was, but I didn’t answer him right away. Mostly because I didn’t know exactly how I was going to accomplish it yet. How do you dress like a nympho? Super slutty everything? Hang on every guy I see? While that may be fun, I didn’t want to do anything overt like that. I needed to figure out a way to make it more subtle. How do you make a nympho more subtle? I thought about it for a while, and when I got home from work, I opened my closet, and started pulling out old Halloween attire to see what I could put together.

I was having a hard time. I don’t have anything overtly slutty in my wardrobe. I know that may come as a shock to some of you, but I do have somewhat of a reputation to uphold. I was a bit upset… I actually came really close to saying screw it, and going to Hot Topic or something to fake a biker chick outfit at the last minute, when I thought of a way to pull it off. A nympho? How about just a nymph? That could be easy… It was subtle-ish. I had an old hippie Halloween costume that I wore about 4 or 5 years ago for Halloween, and there was a flower belt, and some flower leggings with that. I figured I could just use those. I also had a pink flower-y looking waist belt, and a green dress.

A forrest nymph… Why not? I decided I was going for it. I just needed some kind of wings, and maybe a wand or something. I will readily admit, that it wasn’t my best costume of all time, but it worked. I called my boyfriend, and told him what he was going to be for Halloween… I told him to dress like a nerd when he came to pick me up. (A nerd Courtney? Really? Why?)

On Halloween, late afternoon, my boyfriend showed up at my place in his nerdy costume. He hiked his pants up really high, had some suspenders, wore knee high striped socks, and got some fake glasses, and a pocket protector too. Again… Not our best costume work ever, but we were improvising here…

He asked me what I was dressed as when he saw me… “Hippie? Fairy?” “Nope… I’m a nymph…o. Get it?” He looked at me funny… “Then why didn’t you want me to be a nerd?” “Because, if I’m a nympho, then somebody needs to be my *************, right?” He laughed. Well… I thought it was clever anyway. And we didn’t have time to change. This was what we were doing.

I told him he had to drive to Karissa’s house. He asked me if we wanted to get a cab instead. “No, I want you to drive”. He didn’t argue, and we got in his car, and he started towards Karissa’s house. He did, however, ask my why I wanted him to drive. “Because you aren’t drinking tonight”. He was confused. “Why? Court, it’s Halloween…” I just looked at him, and said “Tonight, you are a virgin… And so are your drinks. You can either use the excuse that you are driving, or just don’t tell anyone that you are only drinking water. It’s up to you” Then I thought a little more, and added, “Oh, and also… Because I said so, that’s why.”

Wow… As soon as I said that, I immediately wondered where it came from. Did I really just do that to him? He didn’t argue. I liked it. I’m pretty sure he did too. He wants me to make the decisions… So I did. No drinking for him.

The party was cool. It wasn’t crazy or anything. When my friends asked what my costume was. I told them… “I’m a nympho… Oops! I mean nymph! And [bf] is my little nerdy virgin!” Mostly, everybody just thought I was silly. Which I was. I will readily admit that our costumes (and the explanations of them) were a bit of a stretch.

I stuck to my guns though, about making my boyfriend stay sober. I think I did it, just to see if he would. He did. He didn’t tell people he wasn’t drinking. Only I knew. I made him bring me his drinks all night long to taste test. He drank gin and tonics (hold the gin) all night long.

I did not. I had more than enough for both of us. I got pretty drunk.

At the end of the night he took me home. He was sober (which was my plan all along really - a DD for the ride home) and drove us right to my place. We crawled into bed, and he was really horny. He wanted sex, but I was drunk, and loving the power thing, so I kept it going… I told him I wanted him to eat me first. He crawled under the covers, and gave me oral… For a while. I came. Twice. Mmmmm, it was good. I don’t know if it was the booze, his eagerness, my horniness, the power dynamic, or what. Probably all of the above. I liked it.

He wanted more after that, but I wouldn’t let him. “Not tonight baby… Wouldn’t want to take your virginity…”

I rolled over, and passed out.

I woke up this morning, and all I’ve been thinking about all day - is what decision I’m going to make next.






































A few Halloween pictures… just because I know you’ll ask. :)



Decisions, Decisions… (Part I)

This was an interesting week for me.

I spent the majority of the week thinking. Mostly about what this new dynamic meant for my relationship. Control, power, sexual freedom… My mind couldn’t really focus a lot of the time on other tasks, so it meant for some longer hours at work so that I could actually get some things done.

And then, I got a call on Thursday morning at work. I had to take a couple of minutes and go outside to answer it. Not like that was a big deal - I could barely focus anyway. It was Shauna. We hadn’t talked in a weekish, and ever since she read my last post, she was apparently on the edge of her seat about this whole thing too… (Try living it). So, worry not followers, Shauna has your back when I don’t post something in longer than three or four days. Thank goodness that she is the only one of you with my phone number…

Ok, so anyway, Shauna calls, and asks me how I was doing, and what I was feeling. She had gone all the way back through to the beginning of my blog and read every post. I guess I felt flattered by that. I just record my thoughts as they happen. Shauna was insistent… We had to talk - for a while. I couldn’t right then, but we agreed to meet for lunch.

We met for lunch a couple of hours later to talk about… My relationship I guess? I sort of fly like I was going to see a counsellor or the school principal or something. We sat down, and Shauna immediately asks me what has been happening. I was honest with her, I told her that not much really, I was thinking about my own interpretation of what all of this means. Basically, it boils down to me having convinced myself that I am now in total control of the bedroom dynamic in our relationship…

Shauna agreed, but told me I was blind at the same time. And the I was “sitting on an absolute gold mine.” I was confused a little, so I asked her to elaborate. She said that she had been thinking about my relationship with my boyfriend ever since I had told her that my boyfriend was into sharing me. Then, after she had gone back and read my whole blog, it made her realize that my boyfriend likes me in control, and likes me making all the decisions in our relationship. I answered “well, yeah, I know Shauna, that’s what I just said”. And en she smiled, and said “no, it wasn’t… You said the you were in control of the sex life in your relationship, I am telling you that you are in control of everything in your relationship” I was intrigued.. “Everything Courtney… Not just sex. You can do whatever you want… You can make him totally dependent on you, for everything. You can make him ask permission for anything… To drink alcohol, to stay up late, to make a phone call, to freaking stand in your presence! And what’s more, is that he wants you to do it! Do you have any idea how many women would kill to be in that position?”

I have to admit, that I haven’t really thought of things in that way before. I have learned that my boyfriend likes me to make the decisions sexually, and I have sorta played along when it came to things outside the bedroom, but I guess I always just considered those as foreplay like things. He can’t drink tonight, or he has to make me dinner… Whatever… Those were all for the intent of turning the two of us on, for fun later. I never thought to try to make run of the mill, every day decisions on his behalf, just because… What if Shauna was right?

“How can you be sure Shauna? What makes you think he wants me to do that?” Again with that smile. Sometimes I wonder if she is a bad influence on me… “Just try it. See if he lets you make mundane decisions for him. If he doesn’t want that all the time, just in the bedroom, then he will speak up, right? What harm could it do?” I thought for a minute. “Ok, I’ll give it a shot. What should I do?”

We spend the rest of the lunch coming up with a plan. Something that would make my boyfriend feel uncomfortable, out of place, and totally dependent. But aomething that wouldn’t - couldn’t - possibly lead to sex of any kind. A test to see how much he wanted me to be in control…

On Friday night, when I got off of work, I called my boyfriend on the way home and told him I wanted to do something that night. He said yes, of course, and asked me what I had in mind. I told him to come over to my place right away, because he was taking me out that night. He told me that he was working on changing a headlight in his car, but that he would change clothes and be right over. I had better ideas. “No, just come over right now. No changing clothes, just hurry”. He asked if I was ok, and I said I was fine, and would explain later, just get to my place right away. He didn’t argue, and got in his car and said that he would come directly to my place.

I hung up, and thought about what I wanted to do that night. I wanted to test him. Throughout the week, I had been thinking about his attitude about this whole thing. I wanted to see if he was serious about me actually making the decisions in our relationship, or if it was just something that made him horny to think about, and it was more fantasy for him. So, I spent a couple of days coming up with this plan.

As soon as I got off the phone with him, I called and made a dinner reservation. A place we have been before, on date nights. It is a steak and seafood place, and every time we have been there, we have ended up eating for like 2 full hours. It’s a bit of a drive away from us, but it’s good food, and a semi-classy place that is good for date nights. Luckily they had a couple of openings still, but they weren’t until later in the evening… 8pm was the soonest we could eat. It was about 5:20. I told them that 8 would be fine. I made a reservation.

I hit traffic on my way home, of course. Because it was Friday, and everybody turns into an idiot on Friday evening during rush hour. So by the time I got home, my bf was already there and was waiting for me. He was wearing pretty typical clothing for him. Denim jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. A little bit dirty from being under the hood of the car, but not filthy. Perfect.

When I got inside, he hugged me, and asked me what I wanted to do that night. I told him, “you are taking me to dinner, but I have to get ready first, so sit down and wait, and think about where you want to eat.” He nodded, sat on the couch, and pulled out his cell phone. Presumably to find a place to eat… Or check Facebook, or whatever… But I went upstairs to get ready. As I was walking up to my room, I looked back at him, on his phone. “[bf]! Look at me!” He looked up at me. “Stay down here until I’m ready. No coming upstairs.” He looked at me a little funny, but nodded again.

When I got to my room, I stripped down completely, and got in the shower. While I was in the shower, I went all out. I washed my hair, shaved my legs and armpits, even trimmed up the downstairs a little bit too. I wondered what he must be thinking down there. I figured he would be getting a little impatient, seeing as how I practically made him drop everything and rush over to take me to dinner… Just to wait on the couch and get hungry.

I got out of the shower, and put on lotion, and blow dried my hair. “"He called up to me, “Courtney, are you about ready?” “Almost! Give me two min!” I did my makeup. I went all out. Foundation, blush, lipstick, mascara… The smoky-eye eye shadow… Everything. Then I pulled out some nail polish, and painted my nails. “Court? Are you ready yet? How do you feel about pizza?” “That’s fine! Give me a couple more minutes!” I looked at the clock. 6:45. He had been waiting for almost an hour already. I thought my toenails could use some polish too, so I painted them to match my fingernails.

What was I going to wear? I pulled out a couple of outfits from my closet, and tried them each on. I would put something on, look in the mirror, and change my mind, then take it off, and try something else, before doing the same thing. Part of it was me actually being indecisive, but this bigger part of me knew it was mostly just a stall tactic to keep him waiting. Another look at the clock. 7:10. I had about 20 more min before we had to leave to make dinner at 8.

“Courtney, is everything ok? I’m starving!” I heard him stand up and walk around downstairs a little bit. “I’m fine, stay down there, I’ll be right there.” I finally decided on a maroonish/purple dress that was mid-thigh length, and a gold belt. The dress was tricky, because it zipped in back, so I had to zip it first, then pull it on over my shoulders. A little difficult, but I managed… I put on a gold necklace too, and some wedges that matched my belt, then quickly did my hair, because by that time, I actually did need to hurry a bit. I yelled down to him “ok, I’m ready, go get in the car… My car!” I walked out of my room, and stopped in my hall closet to grab a black jacket.

He was standing in the doorway waiting for me as I came downstairs. As soon as he saw me, his words changed mid sentence… “I’m starv… Wow!” I grabbed my purse, and walked past him out the door. “Lock the door behind you”. He did, as he followed me. I walked right to my car, and opened the drivers door, and got in. He looked at me funny. “Are you coming?” I asked, while he was still outside the car. He got the message and climbed into the passenger seat. I pulled out, and started down the road. “Courtney, you look great, but I thought we were going to get pizza?” “Not anymore, I don’t feel like pizza”. “Where are we going then?” “Wherever I want. Will that be a problem?”. He said no, sat back in his chair, and didn’t say much the rest of the drive. Right up until the time I drove into the parking lot of the steak/seafood place.

“Courtney?! Are you serious? We can’t eat here tonight. I look like a slob!” I parked the car, and looked at him. “I made a reservation at 8 for two. Are you going to eat with me, or should I call some other guy?” I didn’t wait for him to answer, and got out of the car and started walking up to the door. I heard him get out of the car, and close the door and follow behind me. “"court, wait, why didn’t you let me change clothes first? Come on, I look like an idiot… Let’s go somewhere else, please?” As soon as I heard the door close on my car, I reached into my jacket, and locked the doors. We weren’t going anywhere else. I stopped at e door and waited for him to catch up for a couple of seconds.

“We are eating here. Now. Stop whining and act like an adult”. He opened the door for me, and followed me inside, in his jeans and a t-shirt. I walked over to the hostess, and told her that I was there for my reservation. She nodded, and asked me iffy preferred a booth or table. I looked at my boyfriend. “Uhh, a booth please” he said. Normally, I would be fine with a booth, it’s actually my preference, but I wanted to make sure he knew that he wasn’t going to be speaking for me. “Actually, we’d like a table tonight, please” I said to the hostess, while looking right at my boyfriend. She looked at me, and at my boyfriend. He shrugged. “Ok, right this way”

Our table was almost right in the middle of the restaurant. Open on all sides. We sat down and I could almost feel his embarrassment. I was dressed to the nines, and he was in a t-shirt and jeans. I’m sure nobody really cared, but I knew he felt underdressed and out of place, which is exactly what I wanted. He was pretty quiet. I picked up the menu to look it over. The waitress came over to bring us some water, and see what we would like to drink. Normally my bf gets beer on a date at dinner, and I drink a glass of wine. We are re-defining “normally” now too… “We will split a bottle of Pinot noir please” I told her. My boyfriend stayed quiet. She smiled and nodded, and after checking our IDs, she left to get our wine and take care of a couple other tables.

Finally my boyfriend spoke up a little. “I’m not a big fan of wine. Do you mind if I get a beer instead?” I smiled inside. I really didn’t care what he drank, but I wasn’t going to budge… If I’m going to be making decisions about our sex life, I’m going to be making decisions about our non sex life too… Could he handle that? That was the whole goal of the evening. “Actually, yes. I do mind. I just ordered wine for us. You can drink that.” He looked at me, a little puzzled. I stared back at him. “Unless you prefer going virgin again for the night?” He shut up, and looked at the menu.

I had to cover my face with my menu, because I was smiling, and trying not to laugh. He was letting me do this. He wasn’t putting up too much of a fight about it. I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down, and try to stifle my grin a little more. “I’m ready to order”. I said, and put down my menu on the table. He looked at me a few seconds later, and said “I can’t decide between the steak and salmon, or the short ribs”. I grabbed the top of his menu, and took it from him. “Don’t worry about it” I said, I’ll decide for you. I smiled at him. He blushed. Cute. I like the feeling it gives me when I make him blush. It makes me feel sexy, and powerful. I folded the menus up, and put them in front of me. I drank some water, and he mostly just stared at the table, with a few occasional awkward glances up at me. I didn’t say anything, just smiled back at him, which just caused him to blush more. I wondered what he was thinking.

Eventually, the waitress came back with our bottle of wine, and opened it for me and handed me the cork before pouring me a taste. (Side note - why do they do that? The cork thing, and the small sip to taste? I mean, I ordered it, right, of course I’m going to drink it… Am I supposed to be doing something with it? Am I not cultured enough to know I am missing out on something here?? Anyway…). She poured me a full glass, and then one for my boyfriend too. She left the bottle on the table, and asked if we had enough time to look at the menu. “Yes, we are ready,” I said, “I’ll have the steak and salmon special please, medium rare.” She said that was a good choice, as she had been eying them all night, and they looked delicious. Then she asked “for you sir?” And I went for it… Before my boyfriend could answer that he wanted the short ribs, I chimed in, with the waitress right there. “He’ll have the seafood alfredo” she looked at me. I smiled. She looked at my boyfriend. He blushed a little, but nodded sheepishly. She didn’t say much after that, but wrote it down, said she would have it right out, and left the table.

“Seafood Alfredo?” He asked me as soon as she was gone. “Is that going to be a problem? It will go well with your wine.” I answered him back. He blushed again, and took a drink of his wine.

Dinner was entertaining too. I told him that the steak was delicious. He asked me if he could try it. Nope. How was that seafood over there? He told me I was killing him. I told him that I knew he was loving it… At one point I asked him. “So, what do you think all of these other people think when they look over here and see the two of us out tonight?” He confessed that they probably think that this is a date, and that he is a complete loser, to come to a place like this, dressed the way he was - particularly considering how well I was dressed. That gave me an idea. Up to that point, I hadn’t planned on engaging in any sexually charged talk, but I decided to go for it.

“Yeah… I bet they are wondering what I see in you… I bet some of the guys are thinking that they would definitely dress better to take a girl like me out… I wonder if any of them think I’m hot…? Do you think so? What about that guy over there? Maybe that one? Oohh… That guy wearing the tie is cute, I bet he would buy me a drink after dinner…” I knew he loved it. So I decided to push it a little more. “I’m sure Alex would…”. He stared back at me for a minute. I smiled. “Should I text him?” I was already pulling out my phone. “I dare you” he answered. I don’t really know if he thought I wasn’t serious, or if he actually wanted me to do it. By this time in the evening, I suspect the latter actually.

I texted Alex, “any chance you are free tonight? I could use some rescuing.” and sent it. About that time, the waitress came back to check on us. My bf asked her for some more water, but then immediately looked back at me. I said “yes, please” she left to get us more water. I guess I could let that one slide… Alex answered me back “rescuing from what?” I laughed to myself as I typed, and I showed my boyfriend my response before I sent it to Alex. “Just a boring date, with a guy that is really underdressed. I’m hiding out in the bathroom typing right now until I can figure out a way to ditch him. Ugh.” Sent.

My boyfriend shook his head. “You are so bad” he said. “Hush. You love it.”

Alex wrote back, “I’m actually not too busy. I could get you if you are serious. Where are you?”

I thought for a minute. While my boyfriend stared at me, and my phone. Was I actually going to tell him to come get me? Would I leave my boyfriend there? I was afforded a little extra time when the waitress came back to ask us if we would like any dessert. “Yes, please,” I said. “We will have one piece of the chocolate cheesecake to split please”. She took our dinner plates away. Mine still had a couple of bites of steak left, which my boyfriend absolutely noticed.

I wrote another text to Alex. “I’m at [restaurant]. Do you know where it is? If you can come get me, I would be seriously grateful”. I reached in my purse, and pulled out my car keys, and slid them across the table to my boyfriend. “Just leave my car at my place, and leave my key in the planter in front”

He nodded. He didn’t speak up. I grabbed the phone again, and texted Alex, one more time, but put the phone down before letting my boyfriend read it. He knew I sent Alex a text. He didn’t know what it said. We waited a bit… Silent. He stared at the table, and I felt more in control of everything then I ever have. “Do you want to know what I said to him?” He nodded. I took another drink of wine. He didn’t talk. The waitress brought us he cheesecake, and put it in the middle of the table. She left the bill too. I reached out and pulled the cheesecake over toward me, and took a couple bites. “Do you want a bite?” Another nod, but still no words. I drank more wine, and waited.

I ate about 80% of the dessert myself. He wanted the last couple of bites, and he wanted to see what I texted Alex, but he didn’t ask for either. My decisions. Mine. About 10 min later, my phone buzzed with another text. It was Alex. He was there. I pushed the last couple of bites of cheesecake across the table to my boyfriend. I stood up, and left the check there for him too. While he sat there, I got my purse and jacket, and then I said “you really want to know what I said to him, don’t you?” He nodded again. I walked around behind him, and leaned over to whisper in his ear. “I told him to bring the bike”. And I walked out of the restaurant.


Decisions, Decisions… (Part II)

When I walked out of the front door of the restaurant, I was excited. I felt this power that I haven’t ever felt before. Shauna was right. My boyfriend wants me to make ALL of our decisions - not just the ones about our sex lives. And this post will be the first time she has heard about how right she wa., because I haven’t even told her this yet…

I didn’t see Alex at first. For a second I wondered if he didn’t actually come… But then I saw him. He brought the bike. I walked over to him. I pictured my boyfriend behind me, watching me walk up and get on the back of Alex’s motorcycle. In reality, he probably didn’t see me, because there wasn’t a clear line of site to the parking lot from our table, and he was probably trying to pay the bill. But regardless, the thought gave me the courage to actually get on the motorcycle.

As soon as I walked over to Alex, I immediately regretted telling him to bring the motorcycle. I had done it because I wanted to turn my boyfriend on. I wanted him to picture me being daring, and crazy. What I didn’t anticipate is the whole “dress on a motorcycle” conundrum. Yeah… Ink about that for a minute… There is no way that it is a good idea to wear a dress on a motorcycle. None. Then, just to make things worse, I had a long-ish jacket too. Soo… I was just supposed to let it flow behind me like Superman’s cape?? Brilliant move there Courtney. I seriously felt stupid.

“I thought you hated motorcycles?” Alex said. “Riding one in a dress won’t be very easy”. "Yeah, thanks. I realize that now,” answered him as I tried to think through how to do this. “I’m just afraid of them… But I figured after that boredom, I could use a little excitement”. He laughed, and asked where I wanted to go. “How about your bedroom?” I had to hike up my dress to sit behind him on the motorcycle. It was pretty crude. I actually wished that I had worn a shorter skirt for a minute. It was a struggle, but eventually I got situated. Much to his amusement. I took off my jacket, so it wouldn’t be flapping out behind us, balled it up, and stuffed in between us. He shook his head, like “this girl is crazy” then asked if I was ready again, and when I said yes he took off. We drove right past my own car on our way out of the parking lot.

It was the longest motorcycle ride of my life. Granted, it was only my second motorcycle ride ever, but it was still the longest. The whole ride, I kept thinking to myself "this is stupid, this is dumb. Why did I wear this damn dress? Could have asked him to bring the car… Idiot…” I know motorcycles are dangerous… But arousal can do some crazy things. Twenty minutes later, when we stopped at his house, I finally opened my eyes, and said “thank god… I hate motorcycles again”. He opened the door for me, and I plopped down on the couch to try to give my nerves a minute to settle.

He asked me if I wanted a drink, and when I said yes, he confessed that all he had was whiskey. (I don’t drink whiskey, but… What the hell, time for another crazy decision). “Sure, I’ll drink that!” He smiled and brought me a glass with some ice, and then pulled out a bottle and poured me some. I took a drink. Geezus! (I remembered why I don’t drink whiskey). Apparently the discomfort was apparent on my face. He laughed and told me that he had some ginger ale too, if I wanted to make a mixed drink. He got me some ginger ale, and after I mixed them, it actually tasted pretty good. Maybe I can drink whiskey after all?

“Hey, random question for you…” I said, as he sat down across from me, and I kicked of my shoes. A while ago, when I first met Alex, one of my followers asked me what he looked like, and i told you all he has dark black hair that falls in little curls, and has a darker, olive colored complexion. I don’t know why the thought popped into my head at that time, but it did, so I went with it.

“Where are you from? Like, your family? Your a*****ors?” He told me that he himself was American, as were both of his parents, but that his mom’s side was originally from Greece, and his dad’s side was Spanish. So, I guess that explains the olive complexion, and the love for soccer. I wasn’t far off when I guessed something Mediterranean.

Then he asked me about my date, and why I felt like I needed rescuing. I told him it was just out of sheer boredom. He was boring, underdressed, and just so indecisive about everything… “That’s why I hate dating. all that drama. I just want to have fun. No commitments, just fun.” “So that’s why you called me?” I shrugged. He got the hint. He set his drink down, and took mine from me and put it on the coffee table too, hen he pulled me up to my feet, and kissed me.

He had some scruff on his cheeks and lips, and tasted like whiskey. I didn’t mind. He unzipped my dress right there in his living room, and I let it fall off my hips, and I stepped out of it. He pulled me to him, and pawed at my ass and lower back while he kissed me again. It felt great. He knows what he’s doing. A bit of making out later, and we were in his room, laying on his bed. He has a knack for getting me out of my clothes before I can do the same to him.

His fingers. My god. Somebody taught that guy EXACTLY what do do with his fingers. Uggghhh… By the time I did finally succeed in getting his clothes off, I was so hot I couldn’t stand it. I practically begged him to fuck me. He was kissing my neck, and had his hands on my hips and legs when he climbed between them. I was really hot… I wasn’t thinking… Just feeling.

And then… I felt him slide into me. Oh fuck. I was panting. He didn’t have a condom on.

I have always been very careful. I have always had sex with condoms. Always. Always with Brandon, always with my boyfriend. I have never NOT used one. But there I was… And Alex was inside me without one… And my brain was screaming at me, and all I I thought back was… “It’s so warm”. Really - like hot. Temperature hot. He felt so much warmer than any other guy I have ever felt. Is that normal? Do condoms make things colder? Was it just me that was hotter?

All I could do was moan… Something low, and guttural, and unintelligible, because he had his fingers on my clit… He asked me if I wanted him to stop. My brain screamed again “Yes! Make him stop! You hardly know this guy!”

I’ve done some difficult things in my life. I like to think I am pretty grounded. I’ve experienced my share of adversity, and made my fair share of mistakes. I like to think that everything I have been through makes me a stronger person. I swear to you, that was one of the most difficult things I can ever remember doing… It was a whisper… “Yes… Please… Wait…” It was more of me begging him than it was me telling him to stop. “Can you please use a condom?”

He stopped. He pulled out. Slowly. Fuck. Thank God he agreed. If he would have said no… Or if he wouldn’t have asked me if I wanted him to stop… I don’t know what I would have let happen. I like to think I would have told him to stop on my own, but that might be me lying to myself. It felt so. damn. good. I panted underneath him while he supported himself above me with his arms on either side of my chest.

“I’m sorry, I just…” I don’t know why I felt the need to apologize, but I did. Luckily he stopped me. “It’s fine, don’t worry. They are in the drawer.” I reached over and opened his drawer. Just like I did the first time we were together.

I got one out of the drawer. There were like 15 in there, so it was easy to grab one in the dark. I ripped it open, and got it on him fairly quickly. In a minute, he was back inside me, this time with a condom. My brain felt better about that, even though my body was less than thrilled about the coldness of the whole situation. He finished shortly afterwards, and we both caught our breath while we finished our drinks from earlier.

I thanked him again for the rescue. He said “anytime, thanks for the impromptu booty call”. I got up and got dressed. As soon as I was ready, I called an Uber to come get me. It wasn’t far from my house , and I could have walked. Or, I could have called my boyfriend, but I didn’t really want to for some reason. I think it was because I was nervous what I would say about what happened with Alex. When I got home, I looked for my keys in the planter. They were right where they should be. I made another decision. I turned around, and walked back to my car. I got in, and left.

I called my bf when I was outside his house. It was late, but he was still awake. He let me in, and asked me if everything was ok. I told him yes, it was, I just wanted him to hold me, and sleep. So we did. I fell asleep at his place, in his arms.

The sex with Alex was good, but damn. All I could think about is how he felt. In me. That heat. I’ve never felt that before.

And I couldn’t help but wonder what I’ve been missing out on…

In the morning, it was hard to talk to my boyfriend about it. I knew that he wanted to hear about the night with Alex, but I didn’t know if he would be hurt by the condom thing. I decided that I owed it to him to tell him, so… I made breakfast. I got up, and made bacon and eggs while he slept, and had everything ready for him when he got up.

He sat down to eat, sort of sheepishly, and I asked him if he wanted to hear about the last night. He said yes, of course he did. So, I made another decision, I told him that I would be completely honest with him, but that he had to be completely honest with me back. Again, he agreed.

I told him about he motorcycle ride… How I felt like a moron. I told him about finding a new way to drink whiskey that I liked, I told him about him undressing me in his living room and taking me to his room… When I got to the part about the lack of a condom, I stopped. I reminded him that he promised to be completely honest with me, then I told him.

He was immediately intrigued. He sat up straight, and listened intently. I asked him if he was he angry… He shook his head no. I told him to talk to me, not just shake his head. He said no, he wasn’t angry, just surprised. I asked why he felt that way. “Because, I didn’t think you would ever be willing to do that”. To be fair, it wasn’t exactly me asking for it… It was just something that happened. It was brief, just a couple of seconds, and he stopped right away when I asked (begged?) him to. I asked him if he felt like I did something wrong. He said no, as long as that’s what I wanted.

I told him he truth… That what I wanted was what I got… For Alex to use a condom. But what I was unsure about is that feeling that I have never had before of that… 20 seconds? 30 seconds? However long it was when he didn’t have one. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that feeling yet. I told him I wanted to be sure he was comfortable with what happened.

He was. He was surprisingly ok with it. He wasn’t hurt at all, like I thought he might be. He said that he was completely comfortable with me making whatever decisions I felt were appropriate, about Alex, or whoever. He just wanted me to know that if I was honest with him, that he would be there for me. What a guy, huh? I actually felt more unsure/confused/embarrassed about the whole incident than he did. His reaction put me much more at ease.

I decided he deserved a reward, so I pulled him over to the couch, and stuck my hand down his pants while I finished telling him about the sex that night. He didn’t seem to mind one bit.

So… Now I am wondering… What is next? What decisions about our relationship should I evaluate next? I’m curious to hear from you all out there, and particularly other ladies. If Shauna was right about how many other ladies would love to be in my position, I’d like to know why that is? Maybe some of you are following my blog? What decisions would you all like to make for the men in your life? Where do I go next?



Anonymous asked:
Whenever I read about something like this I get an uneasy feeling, like there is bad energy afoot. This kind of behaviour, to me, just seems like there's something deeply wrong with you. You feel yucky.

Yucky? Ouch, that’s pretty harsh.

Makes me wonder about what kind of yucky behavior you might have been engaging in that led you to my blog??

Regardless, I apologize profusely for holding your eyes open, and making you read of my dastardly escapades.


Anonymous asked:
Do you think you have convinced Shauna to cheat as well if she ever gets a long term relationship?

I wouldn’t say that I have “convinced” her do do anything, because that would entail me trying to persuade her one way or another.

If my experiences have influenced her in any way is a question only she can answer…

Shauna?


stuffilike34 asked:
Seems to me things are different with Alex than your previous sex buddies. You seem somewhat enamoured with Alex. His house, furniture, bike, and of course his cock sound better. Is there a danger of you liking him more than your boyfriend?

Sometimes I wonder if the people asking me if I am falling in love with Alex were the same ones asking me if I was falling in love with Brandon…

And yet, here I am, still with my boyfriend, this whole time…


that-nice-mr-mister asked:
Have considered telling Alex about your boyfriend?

The thought has crossed my mind, but I’m not sure how either would react to it, so I’m going to keep it on the back burner for a while.