My husband is really dramatic about farting.

I Didn't Fart in Front of My Husband Until After Our Wedding & Then I Blew Him Away -

My husband is really dramatic about farting.

When we were dating, he teased me about not passing gas around him and would try to get me to let one go. He, on the other hand, farted under the stars, farted in the car, and farted in the silence between songs on the radio. The only place he didn't fart was at my parents' house after which he always complained of being very bloated.


Then we got married and I decided it was time to get comfortable, "break the barrier" as they say. Now when I fart he acts as though I have physically assaulted him.




Apparently he thought my gas was going to smell like lavender or something because he was horrified. We have been married almost 13 years and he is still surprised my farts smell bad.

He grabs his face, his eyes start watering and he demands "WAS THAT YOU???!!!!"

"Yes."

"OH MY GOD WHY IS IT SO BADDDDD!!!!????"

"SOMETHING DIED IN YOUR INTESTINES!!!!"

"Welcome to my world" I say calmly, trying to give him my best bedroom eyes. "Want to make out?"



"OH MY GOD AIR IT OUT!!!" He starts to panic like he is trapped in a small closet and is afraid of the dark.

"YOU REEK!!!" he yells. He starts pumping the sheets up and down like in third grade P.E. when we practiced team building with a parachute.

I remain calm because I am not surprised that my farts smell bad, I am not surprised at all, and this, my c***dren, is what marriage looks like.