I wonder why

I have often wondered why I wanted to watch my wife being fucked by another guy even though I was the jealous type early in our relationship I used to accuse her of cheating on me which I knew was not true, but I think I did it to keep her scared to even think about doing it. anyway I figured the reason could be one of two things that happened to me as a youngster, one was when I was a teenager I went to a mardi gras festival and was picked up while hitching a ride home by an older couple where the lady gave me a blowjob in the back seat as her husband drove. the other was back when I was in school and used to get teased unmercifully during showers after gym because of my small cock which got me into many fights until I eventually dropped out. My thought was if my wife loved me like she said she did she would stay with me after fucking someone with a larger cock, that would prove she truly loved ME