My Makeshift Email To My Hypothetical Employees
I work full time in education. Quite a trip. For every few students that will work their hardest and always make you smile, there’ll always be that one psycho trying to stab you with a pencil. Or worse!
So, I receive e-mails from my school’s Assistant Principal every Sunday morning. Here’s an example of her introductory paragraph:
“Happy Sunday all. I hope that you are enjoying your weekend. I had to go out of town this weekend so as I am in the passenger side of the car, riding, I am thinking about what happened this week at work, the mounds of paperwork that need to be done, and what I need to get for Thanksgiving and suddenly, I just look out the window. We are driving over a bridge and I am just staring out the window intently. My husband looks over at me and says, “I know that look, you have an idea”. And I say, “this bridge has me thinking of P.S. ##(don’t think for a second I was going to let you fuckers know where I work!)”. Have you looked at the characteristics of a bridge. They have barriers on both sides for your protection. It serves as a means to get to the other side.”…and so on and so forth, blah blah blah…
I like my Assistant Principal a lot. I really do. But let’s face it, this shit is as phony as it gets. I totally understand what she’s trying to achieve with this dribble. But does she really expect us to believe she was looking at a bridge, or watching some TV show, or playing some sport and was suddenly inspired to find a correlation between that and the school? Fuck no!
But it led me think about what I’d do if I was in her position and wanted to stay close with my hypothetical staff. Would I write a weekly blog like this? And if I did, what the fuck would I do to at least try to keep it real? I wonder…
Good Morning! I hope everyone did something this weekend to improve their overall mental and emotional health in order to begin yet another productive, fulfilling week here. Let’s be real, that could be a lot of things. And so long as I don’t see it, I could give two fucks what you do. Do you drink a fifth of vodka on a Friday night and pick a fight with a random stranger? Pick up a few hookers to relieve some…tension? Attend some “parties”? Perhaps you punch a few walls in your garage? Who cares? If it makes you feel fresh and recharged by the time you come back here on Monday morning, as the famous, decades old Nike slogan says – just do it!
So, my own weekend wasn’t so exciting. Ran out of beer and was too lazy (and exhausted from dealing with all of your students since no one seems to be able to handle them!) to go out and get more, wasn’t able to hit that 400lb squat in the gym and BOTH my fuck buddies were sick. What the fuck are the chances of THAT happening? So, with nowhere else to turn to, I broke out the laptop and watched an old clip from the favorites section of my YouPorn account! In a clip entitled “Man, His Wife, And The Babysitter”, the wife walks in on his husband….well…getting sucked off by the babysitter. Well, duh!
Long story boring, the wife decides to take control of the situation by forcing the now guilt stricken babysitter to continue sucking her husband off, ultimately taking turns fucking this guy that, in any REAL situation would never be this lucky. And of course, wifey, the betrayal still fresh in her mind, waits until he’s good and spent before declaring “I want a divorce!”, as she storms out of her soon to be ex’s office.
This whole situation got me to thinking of our school, its trials and tribulations, its many ups and downs (no not THOSE ups and downs!), who’s backstabbing and betraying who, and feelings among each other as a staff and as a family. You don’t need to be told that we won’t always agree with each other’s ideas and approaches on helping our students succeed. In fact, I’m almost positive some of you ICT teachers in particular are ready to just KILL each other after ten months of conflicting personalities, approaches, intrusions such as teacher assistants and cluster teachers changing preps on you. But if three people can have super hot sex in the most awkward of times, with the older wife showing the younger, greener babysitter how it’s done, then I fail to see how we as a staff cannot get through the most awkward of moments by simply taking the raw emotion out of a situation.
For ten months out of the year we need to set an example to these impressionable, young scholars. What example do you think we set if we fight in front of them? What sense of authority or even stability are we providing if, for 6 and a half measly hours per day, we can’t keep it together? Of course, this is not to say break out into having sex if you have to show your co-teacher “how it’s done”…but if you do just make sure it’s in a closet somewhere and take pictures! It’s time for me to go clean myself off. But I’ll leave you with this before I go: just ride it out until June and on that last day, in the same way that pissed off wife declared she wanted a divorce, you can tell your co-teacher to go fuck him/herself and ride off into the sunset until September…only to begin the whole process all over again. See you all tomorrow!
Respectfully Yours,
Your Horny As Hell Principal
So, I receive e-mails from my school’s Assistant Principal every Sunday morning. Here’s an example of her introductory paragraph:
“Happy Sunday all. I hope that you are enjoying your weekend. I had to go out of town this weekend so as I am in the passenger side of the car, riding, I am thinking about what happened this week at work, the mounds of paperwork that need to be done, and what I need to get for Thanksgiving and suddenly, I just look out the window. We are driving over a bridge and I am just staring out the window intently. My husband looks over at me and says, “I know that look, you have an idea”. And I say, “this bridge has me thinking of P.S. ##(don’t think for a second I was going to let you fuckers know where I work!)”. Have you looked at the characteristics of a bridge. They have barriers on both sides for your protection. It serves as a means to get to the other side.”…and so on and so forth, blah blah blah…
I like my Assistant Principal a lot. I really do. But let’s face it, this shit is as phony as it gets. I totally understand what she’s trying to achieve with this dribble. But does she really expect us to believe she was looking at a bridge, or watching some TV show, or playing some sport and was suddenly inspired to find a correlation between that and the school? Fuck no!
But it led me think about what I’d do if I was in her position and wanted to stay close with my hypothetical staff. Would I write a weekly blog like this? And if I did, what the fuck would I do to at least try to keep it real? I wonder…
Good Morning! I hope everyone did something this weekend to improve their overall mental and emotional health in order to begin yet another productive, fulfilling week here. Let’s be real, that could be a lot of things. And so long as I don’t see it, I could give two fucks what you do. Do you drink a fifth of vodka on a Friday night and pick a fight with a random stranger? Pick up a few hookers to relieve some…tension? Attend some “parties”? Perhaps you punch a few walls in your garage? Who cares? If it makes you feel fresh and recharged by the time you come back here on Monday morning, as the famous, decades old Nike slogan says – just do it!
So, my own weekend wasn’t so exciting. Ran out of beer and was too lazy (and exhausted from dealing with all of your students since no one seems to be able to handle them!) to go out and get more, wasn’t able to hit that 400lb squat in the gym and BOTH my fuck buddies were sick. What the fuck are the chances of THAT happening? So, with nowhere else to turn to, I broke out the laptop and watched an old clip from the favorites section of my YouPorn account! In a clip entitled “Man, His Wife, And The Babysitter”, the wife walks in on his husband….well…getting sucked off by the babysitter. Well, duh!
Long story boring, the wife decides to take control of the situation by forcing the now guilt stricken babysitter to continue sucking her husband off, ultimately taking turns fucking this guy that, in any REAL situation would never be this lucky. And of course, wifey, the betrayal still fresh in her mind, waits until he’s good and spent before declaring “I want a divorce!”, as she storms out of her soon to be ex’s office.
This whole situation got me to thinking of our school, its trials and tribulations, its many ups and downs (no not THOSE ups and downs!), who’s backstabbing and betraying who, and feelings among each other as a staff and as a family. You don’t need to be told that we won’t always agree with each other’s ideas and approaches on helping our students succeed. In fact, I’m almost positive some of you ICT teachers in particular are ready to just KILL each other after ten months of conflicting personalities, approaches, intrusions such as teacher assistants and cluster teachers changing preps on you. But if three people can have super hot sex in the most awkward of times, with the older wife showing the younger, greener babysitter how it’s done, then I fail to see how we as a staff cannot get through the most awkward of moments by simply taking the raw emotion out of a situation.
For ten months out of the year we need to set an example to these impressionable, young scholars. What example do you think we set if we fight in front of them? What sense of authority or even stability are we providing if, for 6 and a half measly hours per day, we can’t keep it together? Of course, this is not to say break out into having sex if you have to show your co-teacher “how it’s done”…but if you do just make sure it’s in a closet somewhere and take pictures! It’s time for me to go clean myself off. But I’ll leave you with this before I go: just ride it out until June and on that last day, in the same way that pissed off wife declared she wanted a divorce, you can tell your co-teacher to go fuck him/herself and ride off into the sunset until September…only to begin the whole process all over again. See you all tomorrow!
Respectfully Yours,
Your Horny As Hell Principal
6年前
