True Love?
I once had a beard. It was a really unimpressive beard some might've said, but it was my beard none the less. At the beginning everything was great between me, my chin and my beard. It felt great!
But after just a few weeks that feeling all changed. This was when my beard began to take over more and more, which led to me having to spend more time with taking care of my beard. I didn't really mind though, but my chin did... it felt neglected. It felt as if I had abandoned it, and maybe I had. Who cares? I'm a beardboy now! I proudly announced to the world. I felt like a was the coolest cat in town so I just shrugged my chin's feelings all off. "Just you wait till I'm the forth member of the O so popular blues and rock band ZZ Top", I told my chin. "Then we can all be happy!"
Two months passed in the same fashion. Me and my beard having fun and my chin warning me of its influence on me and that I had changed for the worse. So one day after a big fight between me and my chin I finally asked, "What do you want from me?" It had taken all my willpower not to burst out in tears before finishing that question that I had almost peed myself. "Get rid of it", my chin responded without even taking a breath. "I can't do that", I said teary eyed. "Well it's either me or it", my chin said with a voice cold as ice. "But I love you both!", I was full out crying at this point. "Do you call what you two have is LOVE?! It's nothing other than a pathetic excuse for a summer fling! You know you only love ME! Always have and always will!" I had never seen my chin this upset before. It made me feel really scared and weak, but I would lie if I said it didn't turn me on too at the same time. I knew everything it had said was right. My chin had always been right after all. Just as that time it told me that my cousin Billy was a sleeper agent for the Russian government and that I should push him down the stairs... I sometimes miss little Billy but his memory is just a testament of my chin's love for me. Well anyway... I agreed to my chin's demands to get rid of my beard once and for all.
After weeks of planning the day finally came. I could hear my beard pull up the driveway after a hard day at work, as I hid in our bathroom. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that made it not notice me sneaking up on it, or maybe it didn't care. I guess we'll never know. I covered it's mouth with one hand while the other took the specially made Japanese razor blade and *SNIKT* It was hair and blood everywhere! The pain made me cry. But as I looked up at the blood covered bathroom mirror I saw it. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, my Rosebud, my... "CHIN!", I burst out in what people might define as an insane laughter. "You look terrible, champ", said my chin in its signature roguish way. I laughed and we made love four times that night.
The End.
Well, the moral of the story. The moral of this tale, is simply that one should never be where one does not belong. So when you see your neighbor carryin' somethin'. Help him with his load. And don't go mistaking paradise, for that home across the road.
But after just a few weeks that feeling all changed. This was when my beard began to take over more and more, which led to me having to spend more time with taking care of my beard. I didn't really mind though, but my chin did... it felt neglected. It felt as if I had abandoned it, and maybe I had. Who cares? I'm a beardboy now! I proudly announced to the world. I felt like a was the coolest cat in town so I just shrugged my chin's feelings all off. "Just you wait till I'm the forth member of the O so popular blues and rock band ZZ Top", I told my chin. "Then we can all be happy!"
Two months passed in the same fashion. Me and my beard having fun and my chin warning me of its influence on me and that I had changed for the worse. So one day after a big fight between me and my chin I finally asked, "What do you want from me?" It had taken all my willpower not to burst out in tears before finishing that question that I had almost peed myself. "Get rid of it", my chin responded without even taking a breath. "I can't do that", I said teary eyed. "Well it's either me or it", my chin said with a voice cold as ice. "But I love you both!", I was full out crying at this point. "Do you call what you two have is LOVE?! It's nothing other than a pathetic excuse for a summer fling! You know you only love ME! Always have and always will!" I had never seen my chin this upset before. It made me feel really scared and weak, but I would lie if I said it didn't turn me on too at the same time. I knew everything it had said was right. My chin had always been right after all. Just as that time it told me that my cousin Billy was a sleeper agent for the Russian government and that I should push him down the stairs... I sometimes miss little Billy but his memory is just a testament of my chin's love for me. Well anyway... I agreed to my chin's demands to get rid of my beard once and for all.
After weeks of planning the day finally came. I could hear my beard pull up the driveway after a hard day at work, as I hid in our bathroom. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that made it not notice me sneaking up on it, or maybe it didn't care. I guess we'll never know. I covered it's mouth with one hand while the other took the specially made Japanese razor blade and *SNIKT* It was hair and blood everywhere! The pain made me cry. But as I looked up at the blood covered bathroom mirror I saw it. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, my Rosebud, my... "CHIN!", I burst out in what people might define as an insane laughter. "You look terrible, champ", said my chin in its signature roguish way. I laughed and we made love four times that night.
The End.
Well, the moral of the story. The moral of this tale, is simply that one should never be where one does not belong. So when you see your neighbor carryin' somethin'. Help him with his load. And don't go mistaking paradise, for that home across the road.
6年前
