Essential Tips and Advice (Protest Edition)

If you're wanting to host a large party with many guests attending, but are worried about the police breaking it up and arresting/fining you for breaching lockdown rules, just simply place a "Black Lives Matter" or any other similar-themed protest placard in the middle of your party location. You can have thousands of people turning up to your party then, if you so want to, safe in the knowledge that you or any of your guests will not face any negative consequences from the authorities at all!






Do you have pale skin but wish to publicly show your support for anti-racism campaigns? The solution couldn't be simpler! Just paint your face in a dark brown or black colour, use cheap colouring pens if paint proves too much of an expense, and then reap the adulation and admiration of your fellow anti-racism campaigners, as you stand shoulder to shoulder with those people marching to the anti-racism cause, knowing you are doing your bit to end global racism by showing such solidarity!






If you're new to attending a peaceful protest, avoid making that classic faux pas many new peaceful protesters make when peacefully protesting by just standing around peacefully chanting slogans with their fellow peaceful protesters. Make sure to bring with you a large sack of rocks (small bricks, or even stale raw potatoes can also be used), and throw them one by one at any passersby while jeering loudly at them, "Come at me, bro! I'll smash your face in!". Remember, a successful peaceful protest always start with violent acts of peaceful thuggery towards people who are not protesting with you. After the skirmishing starts from your peaceful actions, you can turn your peaceful attention to setting police cars on fire, charging and dive-kicking the line of shields of the surrounding police force, and throwing molotov cocktails (loud whizz-banging fireworks can also work) at police horses to make them bolt and throw the rider off their back, allowing you and the rest of your peaceful protesters to gang up on and peacefully kick/stomp the hell out of the now injured and ***********ed police officer's head.






Want to know the secret to ending all racism/stopping all racists in their track? Post a totally blacked out picture on any/all of your social media posts along with a "black hand" emoji. Well done, you've just stopped all racism in the world. Congratulations, treat yourself to a nice delicious cupcake for your hard work and efforts in ending racism - you've earned it!






Worried about the second-wave of COVID-19 hitting? Do not fear! To best protect yourself, your family members, key workers, and other people you care about from contracting the virus, simply gather in large groups of thousands (or more) of angry people, preferably in the middle of a large bustling city or town, and join them in standing really close together for many hours on end as you all yell and spit hatred and vitriol around each other and in police officers' faces. Patently, the virus will refuse to enter into anyone who is angry and yelling alongside many other angry people in large crowds. Like that classic adage says, there's safety in numbers!






If, like me, you find yourself desperately wanting that brand new 72'' 4K £5,000+ TV system*, but your bank funds are looking a little bit sorry for itself, never fear for I have found the perfect bargain! Simply enter into the electronic hardware store of your choosing with a placard in hand which states any sort of anti-racism sentimentalism, while also wearing a face mask and a dark hoodie, and then start tearing shit up! Break windows, smash displays apart, set fires, but make sure you do not attack/damage that fancy expensive TV system you want. And then, during the height of the commotion, just effortlessly pick that TV up and carry it on out the store and back home to your residence. Not only will no one attempt to stop you, but lots of people from all over the world will actively cheer you on and celebrate you as a hero! Feel free to pass on the savings you make from this method, by encouraging others to snatch up these bargains in the same fashion as well.

*Trying this method to obtain other items besides TVs for a real steal of a bargain, may have mixed results dependant on the store/item.






Do you feel like there's too much misogyny happening in the world, and you want to do your part in putting an end to it? Just make the word "woman" and all of its variants illegal to use! Anytime someone uses the word "woman", or "women", in a sentence, regardless of context, just shout very angrily and very loudly at them, "That's offensive!". Soon, everyone in the world will ban the use of those words, and you can feel proud in knowing that misogyny cannot possibly exist in a world where it's illegal for "women" to be a "woman". You'll know you have fully succeeded in your endeavours, when you've made people officially replace those words on official documents with the term, "People who menstruate/person who menstruates".






There's no doubt that you absolutely hated taking history lessons in school when growing up, because, honestly, what has history ever done for modern humans? Well, now's your perfect chance to save other children from this terrible fate, by simply destroying and/or censoring all of history, under the guise of "all historical figures/events was all racist!". Tear down all statues and monuments of historical figures. Burn down all the museums in the world. Pull down any buildings/architectural structures that were built circa pre-2020 AD. Blank out any mention of historical names/events in any and all history books. Tear all evidence of history apart, and whenever someone tries to stop you simply yell in your most loudest and angriest of entitled voices, "IT WAS ALL RACIIIISST!", and hey presto! Before you know it, the entirety of history, both human and otherwise, will be made illegal and banned for all people to even mention, and no one will ever be able to teach anyone else about history ever again. Your children and/or others' will surely thank you dearly for it!






Do you have a severe lack of a funny bone in your entire body? Does comedy or attempts at comedy make you cringe hard as you fail to get the joke? Is your sense of humour completely lacking to the point where it physically hurts you to even crack a smile? Do you often find people calling you an utter bore? Never fear. With just a single strongly-worded letter to your local media broadcaster, you can have any and all comedy shows made in the past 200 years, wiped clean, deleted and destroyed. Just make sure to add in your letter this following sentence; "I find the material in this show to be highly offensive." The media broadcaster is practically obligated by law to cater to your sensitivities, and every actor/comedian who starred in the production will have to issue you a very public, sincere, grovelling apology for offending you. Soon enough, you'll never have to laugh at anything funny, because nothing funny will ever be made again!






Make sure to start off every sentence you say, regardless of context or content, with the phrase, "I'm not racist, but...", in order to establish your anti-racism stance amongst your fellow multicultural people and prove just how good and tolerant of a person you are. For example; "I'm not racist, but the weather is feeling a bit on the chilly side today.", "I'm not racist, but I quite fancy ordering a nice pepperoni pizza.", "I'm not racist, but I really love doing a 69 with my lover.", "I'm not racist, but I really don't know how repair my broken boiler.", etc, etc.






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This has all been not very good advice whatsoever. Ms. Angelica Cream does not take any responsibility to any individual(s) who follow any advice found here, and end up hospitalised, maimed, injured, bankrupt, financially worse off, bloody, sore, achy, dead, or in any other way negatively inconvenienced in your personal and professional life as a result. If you follow any instruction or advice found in this post, you are doing so under your own volition and personal responsibility, to which only yourself is accountable for doing. Please apply and execute logic, reasoning, and common-sense in your life as best you can during this time, and at all future times.